Couldn’t give a toss about the game, or the idea of playing an RTS, or the idea of playing an RTS on a console, or the idea of playing an RTS on a console that’s a PlayStation3. But still.

It’s EA dumping PlayStation3. That’s AWESOME and means there’s one less game for morons to put on their little lists of “Games That Will Turn Things Around For PS3.”

DEAD. PlayStation3 is now officially the Dreamcast of this generation. In terms of developer support, that is. Not quality of games or unspoken feelings of attachment.

An alternate selection of words and pictures we have “phoned in” for other web sites that don’t mind being called blogs.

This thing in which we “live blogged” the downloading of the Ninja Gaiden II demo.

This thing about people whose job is listing the specs of laptops about to suffer a bit more.

This thing in which we get to the heart of the racism-in-games debate.

This thing about what a clever man made for Wii.

This thing about the the Eee PC 901, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

Edge magazine would give that lot 5/10, because a 5/10 from Edge actually means it’s good.

Dreamcast 2 is all but confirmed thanks to a 1000% rise in logo appearances as part of SEGA’s clever and underground guerilla awareness-raising campaign. If ever a pair of curtains signalled a possible return to the hardware market…

“More things that kinda look like a dreamcast logo… my curtains. Not very exciting, but there you go. Lots of love, SolidGoldChimp.”

Not very exciting? NOT VERY EXCITING?! The appearance of the HOLY SIGN upon a pair of HUMBLE CURTAINS is surely a portent that the fabled RE-ENTRY TO THE HARDWARE MARKET is imminent! E3 2008 is only about six weeks away!!

Amazing VICTORY! The Getaway 3, the game and/or blatantly untrue tech demo that Sony said PS3 was capable of, the one that looked like a few retouched photos of central London, has been AXED by the incompetent cash-burners at Sony Europe HQ.

“It has been agreed that production of both Eight Days and The Getaway will cease immediately due to the redistribution of resources and budget. This decision was made following an internal review of all games and it was deemed that with the incredibly strong list of exclusive first party titles coming up both this year and in the near future, resource should be reallocated to enhance those projects closer to completion” – Sony Europe, June 4 2008.

LIE.

LIE.

LIE.

LIE.

This is what The Getaway 3 actually looks like. The loss of The Getaway is a significant WIN for the forces of LIGHT and TRUTH. The previous two Getaways were the favourite games of millions of stupid PS2 owners who didn’t mind products that crashed constantly and had control systems that didn’t function. Now the traditional Sony “moron pound” will not be heading PS3’s way.

At least it shows Sony is starting to be a bit more honest. Usually, when it realises it’s wasted millions on a piece of shit, it shoves it out there anyway, relying on a few 8/10s from official magazines and their dependent unofficial parasitic twins to force it onto a few poor, unsuspecting punters.

Well done on admitting failure, Sony.

Our long-standing obsession with the now-closed lost utopia of SEGA World Sydney continues, with this – a literally AMAZING promotional video explaining what lies (lay) within.

It is presented by a man who is the most Australian man imaginable.

RYAN ALSO COMPILED AND UPLOADED THE FOLLOWING LIST OF YOUTUBE DELIGHTS:
“G’day, I’ve been a reader of UK Resistance for a long time – since I was a huge SEGA fan back in the day. I keep trying to get away but they keep bringing me back in, then beating me with a pipe. Why won’t they stop?

“Anyhow, I’ve recently added a whole bunch of classic SEGA bits from so many years ago, stuff that’s never made it to YouTube beforehand, and will either make you laugh, or make you embarrassed to be a SEGA fan.

The Bizarre comedic stylings of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. Filled with “WTF?”
http://youtube.com/watch?v=3GdEWa-_j2c

Howard Johnson’s Promotional Video for Game Gear. Behold mid-90’s “Cool” to the MAX!
Part 1 – http://youtube.com/watch?v=_pDswnYo6Go
Part 2 – http://youtube.com/watch?v=IncOq1OoBgM

The Sonic Adventure Announcement Video
Part 1 – http://youtube.com/watch?v=azU97msLzr0
Part 2 – http://youtube.com/watch?v=uef1GqvTRB4
Part 3 – http://youtube.com/watch?v=thGgmcrh7go

Sonic The Fighters Official “Library” video:
Part 1 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZZGn78uTv0
Part 2 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKYSWQW1TQY
Part 3 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DO7_qQg3ub8
Part 4 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZZGn78uTv0
Part 5 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAbiiU7W-UM

“I’ve also got my original SEGA Club Membership cards, as well as all those damn Ladybird books you’ve been showing recently – including others which you haven’t shown yet, like the ‘Where’s Sonic?’ spectacular sequel, ‘Where’s Sonic NOW?’ – Ryan.”

We’re not sure what is happening here. Most of the family is wearing slippers. Does the game require you to wear slippers? Or is dad just funny about protecting his new laminate flooring?

A seemingly innocent “casual” gaming scene. Until you look closer. Until you look at the horrors lurking on their feet.

Mum is wearing special slippers.

The daughter is wearing the very same special slippers. Plus she has bruised calves that indicate either (a) an active outdoor lifestyle or (b) a violent physical relationship with an older man who likes to hold her upside-down by her ankles.

The boy’s “shoes” are the oddest of the lot. It would appear they have drawn lines on his socks to create the illusion of him wearing the special sandals. What odd conspiracy have we uncovered here?

Dad got sandals. Do they come with the game?

It’s the time of year when we cater to various niche fetishes out there in internet land. It is Wii Family Ski – time to take one of your socks off and use it for its secondary purpose.

The family. They must spend a fortune on batteries.

The man’s feet have wisely been covered up with socks. Not even the SICKEST internet perverts want to see the feet of men. They’re even uglier than seeing a ball bag flapping about during pornography feature films.

That’s more like. Hot, naked, Japanese woman feet.

Tights! Or, for the benefit of any American men who may have inadvertently found this page during a Google images masturbation session, PANTYHOSE.

And the feet of a child. Also wisely covered up.

They look too old and fucked to have made any BIG MONEY and be properly famous. In fact, it looks like they were dragged out of community housing and forced into a nostalgic reunion tour by their manager at gunpoint to pay the crack dealers off.

Unless it’s the other ones out of Red Hot Chilli Peppers who don’t usually stand near the camera. Or Kiss but without the make-up? Or The Ramones before they mostly died?

“Spotted in New York, front of a ‘Guitar Center’ shop. I have no idea who those guys are, but maybe they were cool and famous in the 80s. Pretty much like Sonic – Omar.”

A polite ripple of applause for reaching the quarter-century without serving any jail time or even getting demoted to the role of network comment-approver.

This thing about scientists messing about with monkey brains.

This thing which is part of an ongoing personal campaign to promote Ninja Gaiden II.

This thing in which I bagsie the press trip to report on the first manned European space flight in around 2018.

This thing about a boat that is not a death trap yet.

This thing about the Viteo Garden Shower, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

The last one saves it. A T&A rule-invoking 7/10.

The Ulala impersonator that Richard Jacques was illicitly fondling the other day has emailed in another photo to share. It’s almost as if she WANTS a sea of abuse and innuendo sending her way.

So get to it.

“I really think you need to post this photo on your site, but unfortunately Richard Jacques wasn’t there to grab my ass this time. And as you can see I’ve given up the heroin ;) Which may put you off, but if you’re lucky I could ask Rich to grab your ass in return – ‘Ulala’.”

CONCLUSION:
The ultimate SEGA threesome with Ulala and Richard Jacques would appear to be on offer. Advice on how to proceed is urgently required.