Case file No.1

Michael Jackson – The Experience:

The only thing I’m experiencing right now is sadness, contempt and despair

Ubisoft only need seven idiots to buy this before it turns a profit and spawns the inevitable spin off title:

Fin

As we already know hateful fuck-knuckles John and Edward are promoting Nintendo’s DSi, in particular some crappy-looking JRPG. I had to taint my computer by going to the Daily Mail website for these:

John and Edward, looking like twats.

John and Edward, looking like twats. Again.

Picture chosen for its Photoshop potential. Send in your best ones to the usual address.

It is our sad duty to inform you of this. Be vigilant – the next time someone suggests a bit of “PlayStation link up” they may be referring to linking their genitals to the genitals of your child. Using an improvised adhesive made of saliva and flakes of skin.

If you know of any PlayStation owners, best get out and burn their houses down to force them out of your local community. Just in case. Think of the kids.

Those aren’t our words, but also the words spoken by a character in a Chilean arthouse film. PS3 disrespecting has hit the ‘World Cinema’ section.

“I found this scene while watching an obscure artsy film from Chile. It’s about a father denying and ridiculizing his child for asking for a PS3″

“Only later did I figure that those subs could have been easily faked onto any other movie” – Matteo.

Was there any good porn in it, Matteo? Farmer’s daughter coming-of-age kind of thing?

This one’s quite grim. Blame a broken society, not us.

If only the general public had preferred the home conversion of Daytona USA to the home conversion of Ridge Racer.

We think Guinness has got confused about what constitutes a “World Record” and is actually producing something more akin to a List of Features, in chronological order in which they first appeared in video games.

Still no name tag. At least we now know she’s a Guinness employee and not a SEGA one.

We’ve had some great PlayStation associations with murder this year, but you can’t get better than having the UN endorse your games console/violent crime assumptions.

The UN is apparently afraid that a “PlayStation mentality” will soon ENGULF the military world, resulting in everyone dying and suffering and paying £425 for things that are subsequently deemed shit and reduced to £229 and so on.

We’ve had to fiddle with the “back end” of the site and introduce a whole new PlayStation Murders sub-category to cope. Thanks, the United Nations! Sent in by a “Victor” or at least someone who gets off on pretending to be a Victor.

A man ventured into Currys. Is that still what men do? Is Currys still men looking at TVs and game boxes?

“I was perusing the shelves of my local Currys Digital at lunchtime when I came across this little beauty. I for one am delighted that ‘Gioteck’ is offering those ‘serious about their gaming’ the chance to make their dualshit controllers useable. You really couldn’t make it up” – Yiggy.

This makes Gioteck an ACCESSSORY to Sony’s crimes. And that’s meant to be a joke.

Looks like Mr Hirai saw one of those printed out signs on a lamp post, about earning POUNDS in your spare time working from home. It’s one way to get out of THE HOLE.

It’s the US PlayStation Protection Plan, which an exciting new way for Americans to give Sony a bit more money for nothing in return.

For the 20th time this year alone, the PlayStation brand STANDS ACCUSED of being party to MURDER MOST FOUL. The horrible console’s latest murderous rampage is detailed below, a rampage triggered by the EVIL MACHINE’S off switch – the most frequently used switch of all.

If you have a PS3, or know of anyone with a PS3, be wary. It’s probably best to burn down any retail establishments which stock them, to be safe.

Story found here. Submitted by a man who supplied no less than THREE separate names in his email, the least odd of which is “Darth Canis”.