The novelty of this one wore off halfway through typing that headline, but we’ll push on with it anyway. Basically a man says this woman from Diablo III looks like Violet Berlin from very old games TV, which is a coincidence, as his dad used to teach geography to Andy Crane when he was in college.

Yes, that’s all there is to it. This woman is a bit like Violet Berlin, and the man who sent it in’s dad taught Andy Crane about oxbow lakes.

This woman is a bit like Violet Berlin, and the man who sent it in’s dad taught Andy Crane about oxbow lakes:

“You’re probably the only games news site to know Violet Berlin’s name (and her previous games role in Micro Machines 2 on the Mega Drive) without Googling or Wikipediaing or some other internet bullshit nonsense, so I thought you might be interested in this. Incidentally, my dad taught geography to Andy Crane when he was in college” – PenguinJim.

This is an astonishing find. This is one of THOSE FINDS. This is a man with a metal detector unearthing £24m of gold coins beneath the surface of a recently ploughed field.

Behold, a virtually complete SEGA arcade machine manual depository, from the glory days until now. Some of the PDF files are enormous – please only download the ones you really want, else poor old SEGA Total Solutions will find itself with a broken web site.

“Ever wanted a manual for a SEGA coin-op? Well SEGA is now giving them away for download in PDF/TIFF format if you go to this website. So, if like me you always wanted a poorly-scanned copy of the Daytona USA coin-op manual, SEGA has once again made your dreams come true!” – Simon.

There’s a 96MB technical schematic of the OutRun2 cabinet up there! This is from the OutRun2 SP parts listing manual. Such riches!

Lubrication advice, from the manual for the upright arcade version of Route 66. Simon, you have made what will be remembered as the best SEGA-related discovery of this new decade.

Go on, make it sound REALLY mundane.

This is a good one. Should’ve saved it for Valentine’s Day or next Christmas. It’s Sonic eating Tails, wearing gloves because he doesn’t know where he’s been.

Thanks to Sonic Stadium and whatever a BuzzFeed is for digging it out.

It’s apparently based on this cheery number, in which a man eats his children lest they turn against him. A bit like when you deliberately kill Tails before a difficult bit in Sonic 2, so he doesn’t balls it all up for you. Happy Friday.

We were sent a link to this by a reader called “James”. He swears that he’s not either of these children and that he was instead “lumbered with American football wallpaper” as a child, rather than the below murals of magic.

Our initial thoughts are that Sonic & Knuckles have come out well, but the artist would appear to have drawn Tails without access to any reference materials.

Exactly HOW MUCH of a spoilt, whining little shit do you have to be to convince your parents to commission a Sonic The Hedgehog mural for your entire bedroom, anyway?

More amazing wall-coverings by the same man can be found over at the artist’s Web 1.0 site.

Here’s another embarrassingly old update fashioned out of things we’ve got lying about the desktop. These photos have been sitting in a zip file since August of 2008.

Here is the visual proof, along with a small glimpse of the current UKR desktop image.

We think you all realise we have neither the inclination or technical know-how to fake such data.

Anyway, this is what it’s all about – that ZIP file is full of SEGA post card pictures. Sent in by someone we’ve forgotten the name of. They probably stopped reading during the “Spiral Period” of early 2009.

And that’s the answer to today’s quiz question.

Sorry, the person who sent these in. You went to a lot of effort with the lovely background.

We have a SEGA Xtreme dream! It involves… you can probably guess. Cream, Ulala, possibly Richard Jacques if we’ve had a lot to drink, and bottoms that don’t stop hurting for at least three days. And sofa cushions that require professional cleaning afterwards. And so much lube it leaked through the floor to the flat below.

That’s the EXIF data. The sender-inner is/was using a Lumix TZ3.

This is the longest in-the-doing UKR update there’s ever been. The photos were taken and submitted by a reader in October of 2007, saved to a folder on the desktop in November of 2008 and finally uploaded to the internet on [PUT IN DATE HERE BEFORE UPLOADING UPDATE]. Quite a journey!

In that time we have:

1. Lost the original email

2. Lost the photo of the cover

3. Forgotten if there was a photo of the cover or not

So here it is. Some scans of the Sonic The Hedgehog Joke Book.

Also, several attempts at “doing” this update have ended in tragedy – the draft not appearing, forgetting to save it before closing the browser – it is almost as if this update is HAUNTED or in some way DOOMED.

That bottom one isn’t a joke, it’s more of an un-amusing fictional anecdote. Perhaps compiling this book is where Ricky Gervais cut his teeth?

Yet more proof that Sonic was never really targeted at an adult audience.

Eggs puns. It can’t get any worse than this.

More eggs puns. It can’t get any worse than this.

This has triggered a memory – the person that sent in the photos apologised on behalf of their young self for colouring in some of the drawings.

At least they didn’t go over the lines, and have shown good awareness of fish by attempting a nice rainbow effect on that pike.

This is grim.

There’s still lots to go.

Hopefully this “haunted update” will crash the server when we press “Publish”, therefore saving you all the misery of reading.

We’ve found the email – sent in by a Mr Jimmy Carr.

Goldfish haven’t got anything to do with Sonic.

We sympathise with the book’s creator. That duck joke is the final bit of writing of a broken man.

This is less fun than staring at Twitter.

Haven’t heard the “Quiche of life” one. That’s OK. That’s the highlight so far.

The horse joke is assuming too much knowledge of equine terminology.

Many apologies are in order to everyone.

From back in the days when we used to root for the over-priced, clunky, ugly black games machine with no games, instead of trying to destroy it with words.

They’re all American, too, so if you’ve ever wondered how Bug Too! was advertised to Americans, now you know.

This may well have been a bit of a rubbish update, but it served one very important purpose – it made us remember to upload another AMAZING SONIC DESKTOP IMAGE. Which we’ll do soon. Probably on Monday, unless someone emails in something better.

We got sent these photos of a huge SEGA chair. A man found it, bought it, restored it, loves it because it’s weird and by SEGA and now wants to know a little bit more about it.

This is where you come in, as despite all our “fronting” we actually know next to nothing about stuff like this and are mostly just pretending to like it all for something to do.

It is a hydraulically operated joystick chair, with the seat moving when you wiggle the massive stick. Apparently it was made by SEGA AM7, presumably during the early-to-mid-90s Golden Era when SEGA spunked money away on glorious follies such as this, therefore earning the adoration of a generation.

EXPLANATION: “This joypad is a size of a double seater and it is mounted on hydraulics. When you move the joystick, the seat follows the direction by changing the angle. You can move it in all six ways. When you turn and hold in position SEGA Joystick: up or down, left or right the sitting part will turn and stay at desired angle. If you use a combination turn: up/left, or up/right, or down/left or down/right, it will turn and bounce back smoothly and continuously at the given angle (feels like sitting in a bouncing lowrider).”

It would look great in the lounge of any single 33-year-old male with a complete collection of SEGA plushes, who longs for the days SEGA made massive hydraulic things and life wasn’t all about SHIT.

If you can ID it or want to talk to someone who really loves weird SEGA arcade hardware, email Yas and you will almost certainly become friends.

#1125: Making a white version of something to appeal to a different demographic, thereby, er, ruling the world:

TOMORROW: How SEGA invented the television, sausages, wanking, and was the first company to effectively manufacture French fries in its staff canteen back in 1965.

It’s hard readjusting back to civilian life. Everything seems so boring and pointless after you’ve been away at war.

Here’s a photo of some kitchen roll a man said looks a bit like a Dreamcast logo. We have supplied it in 2274 x 1704 resolution. Only another three years of this kind of shit to go and we can start slagging off PlayStation4.

Sigh.