No, we haven’t gone keyword-mental and decided to turn the site into a spam blog (that’s at least three months away at current rate of mental deterioration), we’ve just been sent this amazing photograph three times in the last hour.

Which means it’s probably on Kotaku right now, or has been for the last week, but we’re too scared to look. If you are the original copyright holder of this image and would like us to link to the blog everyone who sent it to us nicked it off, please get in touch.

Even some tulips there to help it appeal to Dutch tourists, and the number “10” as a generic sporting reference. Thanks to everyone who sent this in. Also, we’re not going to be mentioning the SEGA Zone thing until some official photos arrive. Just so you know.

This stupidly-haired IDIOT is “doing” the “main theme” of Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing, according to an image on Amazon and what he says on his blog. Bentley may have more hair than Richard Jacques, but we’d run out of things to talk to him about before we’d even finished the first pint.

With Richard, we’d be able to think about things to talk about until 3.45am!

You can buy it through Amazon if you’ve just been won over by his choppy fringe and computer-enhanced eyes. There’s also a competition going on over on his site, where you can win the chance to be “in” the video for it. It’ll be OK, no one will ever see it.

They’ve made an error in not capitalising the ‘t’ in Sonic The Hedgehog. We shall take this complaint to the TOP – ie, maybe leave a comment on Major Nelson’s blog, if he’s still got a blog.

Classic Sonic – press one button and it’s all over in a few seconds.

“Whilst playing ‘1 v 100’ on Xbox Live tonight, with the quiz subject being ‘The 90s’, this question popped up: (see attached image, full size no resizing, DIRECT from the camera for all your EXIF-spying). I am not Gronanbarbarian or Gronanbarbar or JoRDANQuINNN, these names are far too crazy for my liking, all the kids do it these days. I was dominating the 90s questions with three safetys in the bag. Those punks never knew what hit them. All four of us got this question right anyhow” – Sam.

There are some benefits to burning all your bridges.

Would trust the one on the right to shoot a face-hugger off in a moment of panic, but would prefer it if the one on the left stayed on the orbiter manning the expedition’s Twitter account.

Honestly the FUSS there’s been over this Sonic/Alton Towers thing. We’ve been getting three emails a day about it, but have been BRAVELY holding off mentioning it until some sort of official photography is released.

And here it is, sort of, at a very low resolution.

We asked for this artwork and photos via official channels using polite, proper language, but were told the ride was still under development so they had no official photographs…

Apart from THESE ONES, then? What are these photos? UNOFFICIAL paparazzi shots? We would REALLY LIKE this picture at a huge resolution. Please, can somebody with an important-sounding email address get it for us?

We have a joke raring to go about Sonic finding employment in the painting and decorating industry.

We’re working on an additional joke to go with this photo, which will possibly be based around Sonic padding out his CV by doing some voluntary work in the community, or perhaps that he doesn’t need overalls because it doesn’t matter if he gets blue paint on himself.

It’s all in Italian, but if you scroll down a bit, Italian Reader “Francesco” will provide a convincingly local-sounding translation.

“Something terrible happened in Italy this week. A guy and his father playing FIFA on PlayStation. After the match the boy try to kill his father stabbing him with a kitchen knife! Journalist blame PlayStation and they are right! If the father of the boy brought him a Dreamcast instead a PlayStation, maybe after the match they go to pub and cheers up, but no, he buy a PlayStation3, an evil device from outer world and that’s what happened! Please, help us to bring some blue sky in our poor country! This is the link of the story” – Francesco.

Despite DOA Paradise being a PSP game we are “doing something” on it because we got sent this YESTERDAY under an EMBARGO for today! You have no idea how important and trustworthy that makes us feel.

We are slowly rebuilding those fire-damaged bridges. Next thing you know a courier from Microsoft will turn up with numerous Halo products and some free bags and t-shirts.

That’s a selection of the screenshots. We could’ve uploaded these yesterday, but DID NOT because we CAN BE TRUSTED.

This is some of the artwork in a bigger format. We used to like DoA artwork, but it’s looking a bit creepy these days, isn’t it?

We hope we are allowed to use the artwork. Didn’t check that. We can be trusted, but don’t always check everything.

That’s enough. We have proven we can be trusted. We didn’t even say anything about their weird feet.

TECMO KOEI GIVES GAMERS ‘PARADISE IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND’!

DEAD OR ALIVE: Paradise coming exclusively to Sony PSP.

Hertfordshire, UK- January 22nd 2010 – Tecmo Koei Europe Ltd proudly reveal the next installment of the hugely popular DEAD OR ALIVE series – DEAD OR ALIVE: Paradise.

Featuring all the DEAD OR ALIVE lovelies, basking in the tropical sun of ‘New Zack Island’ you will be able to mingle, flirt, play, take snapshots, and challenge the girls in various mini-games found throughout your private island in the best looking PSP game yet.

Boasting the most beautiful 3D female characters even seen in any PSP title, you will be able to indulge in beach volleyball, pool hopping, as well as visiting the revamped casino resort run by the enigmatic ‘Rio’. With an exhaustive shopping option as well, spend your hard-earned ZACK currency on hundreds of cool items, from clothes to gadgets then keep them for yourself or give them as gifts to your new girlfriends. The more gifts you give, the stronger your bond with them will grow.

You’ll also be able to snap candid photos of your giggling beauties in their beachwear which you can store in your very own private photo album and collect ‘Venus Clips’ to enjoy later. It’s all on-the-go, and all in the palm of your hand. Take your girls anywhere. Play with them any time.

This is great news for SEGA. If Sony has to pay $0.02 in royalties to SEGA for every copy of GT5 it sells, this could be SEGA’s most profitable game in over a decade. And it didn’t even have to lift a finger.

“I was just watching a video of GT5 that compares it to real life, mainly just so I could laugh at how it doesn’t look photorealistic at all (it doesn’t), and I noticed something a little odd. First I thought it was just that the sky was a little too blue, but then I noticed this. As you can see, this screenshot of GT5 has SEGA in it. I don’t know why. Game is likely to be a little bit less shit now” – Lewie.

Whenever we start to feel a bit bad about perhaps exaggerating how BAD the modern gaming industry is, something comes along that metaphorically pats us on the head and says we are right – and to TRY HARDER.

From Sony’s Lie Machine, regarding its new “be a games tester” online TV show:

“The Tester, to be by hosted Meredith Molinari, model and host of multiple online music shows, will follow the cast over eight episodes as they battle it out in a series of physical and mental challenges in a fight to win a position at Sony Computer Entertainment America.”

The Hitler Youth. At least they’ve kept the contestants realistically average-looking and moderately overweight.

A man got in touch. He said in return for us linking to some sort of flash gaming site he does, he could provide us with some photographs he took of SEGA products currently on sale in Argentina.

We said yes to that.

What on earth is a DYNACOM? A fake SEGA portable that runs Mega Drive carts? Looking it up would ruin the exciting mystery.

You can also buy official ones from new. Looks like SEGA is still trying to empty out various warehouses of unsold consoles it made back during the glory fortnight.