Official Sonic The Hedgehog underpants! If no one else ever sees your pants, these are the pants for you.

Nice that they come in adult sizes. Good old ASOS has done its market research on these. Don’t follow their advice to “move mouse over image” though. You probably will anyway out of curiosity, but don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Submitted by “Joe” who advises zooming in to see the shame on Sonic’s face. And that’s all you want to see, IS IT JOE?

There doesn’t appear to be any Sonic-branded ladies underwear, but then we only got to page six before strangely and suddenly losing interest.

That’s still SEGA’s office. Someone is sitting in there right now correcting facts on the internet on SEGA’s behalf.

Embarrassing not to have known that, but nice to have a direct message confirming our stupidity.

In San Francisco? In need of a large amount of office space in a street that looks to be in a pretty “affordable” part of town? Don’t get too excited – it looks like someone’s already nicked the sign, unless it’s just been Photoshopped off the estate agent listing.

“I was in San Francisco earlier in the month on my way to a friend’s place, when I just happened to pass by the Sega of America building. I figured I’d try doing that “progressively getting closer to the focus of the image” thing you seem to like a lot.”

“The security is pretty tight; presumably to prevent people like me from coming in and asking them to make GOOD GAMES AGAIN. I doubt the overweight hipster secretary in the front even knows what VF5R is, since she’s too busy watching the latest Michael Jackson tribute videos on Youtube via her iPhone.”

“Just slightly ironic that Sega’s being advertised as AVAILABLE, when in fact they’ve never listened to their fans about anything ever.”

“Obligatory ‘I don’t know how to take pictures’ angle, complete with view obstructed by power lines.”

“It’s a sad day when the skies over Sega start to turn gray. I guess I’ll just cry myself to sleep tonight and wake up to swirls on carpets tomorrow- without Shenmue 3, VF5R, or a decent 3D Sonic game” -Alex.

Ulala 2.0 – a zip for a mouth to allow her to more easily accomodate penises, plus a zip on her tummy to enable easier extraction of built up reserves of semen without the need for invasive stomach pumping procedures.

Shame about the eyes.

Found while idly browsing Flickr. Ulala also seems to be the name of a quite popular internet rabbit.

That’s overall. PS3 has seen an even bigger collapse.

PS3 SALES Q2 2008:  1.6m

PS3 SALES Q2 2009:  1.1m

We will leave the stark, bleak numbers to stand alone without accompanying imagery. Facts taken from this serious place, if you don’t believe anything that doesn’t come on a plain white background.

If enough people simultaneously thought about things to do with Sonic The Hedgehog, someone would eventually think “I wonder what a collection of tunes inspired by Sonic The Hedgehog’s music – but not legally borrowing any specific elements – and recorded in an electro style would sound like?”

This.

Submitted by “Kristian” just yesterday, who suggested we save it for a slow news day. Kristian is obviously a bit new around here.

Christian has created a ‘proof of concept’ video about making Sonic CD run on Apple’s iPhone via his fancy emulator. It’s a bit of a shame you have to cover the screen with your thumbs – ISN’T IT, APPLE? – but apart from that, SHIT YES PLEASE.

There’s a video of it here. It’s not embeddable, hence the tardy use of a screen capture.

That’s it. Being made by Christian.

Don’t remember this level.

WHERE WAS THAT THING WE DID?
Oh yes. There it is.

Why is it you can never tell if people who are EXTREMELY INTO this sort of thing are men or women? It could be a man, or those sideburns might just be fake lesbian comb-downs.

Taken from SEGA of America’s Flickr page, which we’re still having to trawl through ourselves every day.

That, believe it or not, is the searingly original plot of Sonic Unleashed – as ported, somehow, to mobile phone format. Reader “Karl” bravely sacrificed three of his own pounds to take these frankly terrible photos of it in action.

Seriously, Karl, a large amount of ‘sorting out’ needs to be done in your camera department.

“I have attached some images from ‘Sonic Unleashed’ on mobile phone, which I actually paid a whole £3 for.”

“It’s not very good. French mobile developer Gameloft seems to have turned Sonic’s blue sky into a slate grey, and there is no sound, apart from an electronic farting noise when you die.”

“The first level is nice and pacey, and it’s got all of Sonic’s moves in it, but in the third level you are confronted with some bizarre text suggesting that Sonic has PMS and detailing a transformation into Sonic the Werehog.”

“What I don’t get is that surely the Werehog should be stronger than regular Sonic? But the Werehog only has some crappy punch moves and is less agile, making him weaker and more vulnerable. Picture 9 is the Werehog, you can probably just about make out his deformed features.”

“There are a few pictures of the first Robotnik boss as well, but I couldn’t be arsed to play it after that. Sorry :(” – Karl.

KARL’S SUMMARY:

Graphics: 7/10
Sound: -10/10
Gameplay: 2/10
Lifespan: 1/10
Overall: -4/10

INTERVIEW WITH KARL REGARDING HIS ‘CAMERA’:
UKR: What on earth are you using as a camera?

KARL: My laptop’s webcam. Ironically, I usually use my mobile as my camera, and the one time I want to photo something to put on the internet, it’s on the back of my camera lens :(

UKR: Could you not have borrowed a camera?

KARL: I tried again with a dead expensive digital camera I borrowed, but they actually came out blurrier. I think it’s the backlighting on the screen. How does a professional take screenies of a mobile game then?

UKR: Most proper screenshots would be taken by running the actual game application on a PC emulator and doing direct captures that way.

Jesus Christ. All it takes is one meeting where Ubisoft decides to stop wasting money supporting “the community” and she’s going to look very, very silly indeed.

“When I found out about the Frag Dolls, who they are and what they represented, I made a goal for myself: I wanted to be a Frag Doll. I decided when I became a Frag Doll I would represent my accomplishment forever. I wanted to always remember and show that I appreciated the honor of being a part of something that is so influential and of course fun. With this said, I decided my second gaming tattoo would be the Frag Dolls logo and my new name Fidget!” – Fidget :(