REASON FOR SALE: “My reason for sale is that I don’t use it much nowadays to be honest, and the space it takes up in my garage would be better used in other ways now. I never thought I’d sell it which is why I spent so much money and so many hours making it this nice, but things change”

That is not a good enough reason. How can you have one, then let it go? What’s better to do in a garage than play Daytona USA for free? The only thing we can think of is starting up your own methamphetamine factory.

There are still three days to go on the auction. We expect an email and photographic report from the eventual buyer.

By “low signal” we think she might mean a limp penis, and by “weak batteries” we think she might also mean a limp penis.

Taken from the profile of “SexyNative” over on bizarre “gaming dating” site GameCrush. We assume she’s attempting to associate penile penetration with video gaming there, ie, she might be available for paid sex once you’ve beaten her 20-0 in Halo 3 and got your confidence up.

Here’s another update from “Glen”. Glen has the uncanny knack of finding things that are interesting, but never quite interesting enough to do as soon as he sends them in. We currently have three Glen-submitted draft updates ready for NEWS EMERGENCY days like today.

“This is from New Zealand’s equivalent of ebay, a site called Trade Me. I think the seller has carefully thought about the common practice of calling shit games *rare* and taken it to the next level – ‘You are bidding on a classic game and TV Show!!!!!!’. It was clearly this evolution in sales tactics that has lead to the 12+ views the auction has already received! I’m pretty sure I was taught in my English class that the more exclamation marks you use, the more excited you sound. Hence I shall end this communication with a full stop” – Glen.

This is like us going berserk over Dutch Elm Disease being allowed to rampage unchecked throughout the UK in the 60s and 70s, then going on television and trying to blame it all on Judy Finnigan.

Madness.

Link taken from RPS. And we thought Alan was such a nice man.

Bollocks :(

From Next, here. Imagine how great it would be to be between 3-12 years again and not be burdened with the need to always say something ironic in a caption beneath every photograph.

The slippers appear surprisingly comfortable and well crafted.

Is this common knowledge yet? Have you 50 emails telling you about it in the last two days, one even from your dad?

Sent in by “Prison Hardman” who was generous enough to email it in, rather than boosting his own personal “rep” by spunking it away in the comments section.

Sorry, everyone, this week would appear to have become Alternate-Colour Sonic Clones Off The Internet Week.

“Green Sonic is a commercial whore. Here he is acting as the corporate mascot for a truck manufacturer in Southern China. The sell out that he is” – Chris.

“Gee Sonic, you really oughta cut down on those chilli dogs!”

“Whilst idly fiddling around the internet earlier I found this. Apparently they also do “Papryka konserwowa”. Not sure if “konserwowa” is part of the name or a description (it looks like a description but I don’t speak made-up languages). I also noticed that Galileo has stolen the Adidas logo. And its name. I’m still trying to think up a joke for the jar of pickles so you’re definitely not getting one for the Papryka” – Oli.

Man found this somewhere else on the internet. Possibly in the UKR archives, as we’ve finally given up trying to keep track of what’s out there. Brain’s finally run out of space for remembering what colour of Sonic clone was used to advertise what brand of sportswear in what country in 1997.

And why Sonic? What needs to be fast about a gherkin? Are they suggesting the [THING GHERKINS ARE MADE OUT OF, POSSIBLY CUCUMBERS] were picked really fast and pickled really fast and shipped really fast to ensure the ultimate in freshness?

“Hello. I thought you might be interested in this picture I found on the internet. It’s not THAT interesting but I thought you might want to use it if you have a ‘slow news day’ (there seems to be a lot of them) after the PS3 debacle ends. It would seem that Sonic (or his evil evil twin, judging by the extra head-spikes) is now selling pickles for Ogorki. I’m not sure why he would do that. Perhaps as a publicity stunt. Or perhaps this is, in fact, Episode 2 of the upcoming Sonic 4. I tried to think of an amusing Sonic/pickle pun but I just ate (not gherkins) so I’m tired” – Oli.

A man called “Shark” sent in the two images you see crudely mashed-together below, claiming SEGA All-Stars Racing is guilty of copying and pasting the likeness of Italian singer Little Tony to represent Shenmue star Ryo.

Basically, we haven’t got any other material to use today and can’t face opening the Hotmail Account of Doom.

Here’s a bigger one of Little Tony, for your files.