No idea what’s happening here. About 15 years of memories have all been bodged into one YouTube video. Starting to feel old. Older. Like, so old that we should only be using the internet for emailing distant relatives and booking discount cruises.

Submitted by comment-leaver “Prison Hardman” who seems to be a bit protective about his email address, making us feel quite powerful and in control.

May have been at this event. May have taken photographs of those blonde womens’ bottoms. May have drunk loads and actually enjoyed being there. Such was life in 2003, back when people still had budgets to put on nice parties to promote clearly terrible games.

A lady wrestler gets pretty aggressively “spine-bustered” over someone’s knee at the 1:46 mark, if you’re wavering about investing the time to watch it…

“It’s got violence and some girls in shorts and t-shirts and it’s about an old game, might just be what your readers want” – Christophe.

Final Fantasy XIII, the rubbish interactive CD-ROM game from 1987, is coming to the UK quite soon. People with half-empty bottles of red hair-dye in the bathroom who always look at the floor will be very pleased about this.

Here’s the new trailer in English, made even more painful by now being able to understand the long-winded dialogue.

*HAMMERS ‘START’ BUTTON TO NO AVAIL*

Too much “exposition”. That’s always everyone’s problem. Hopefully this nonsense will be delayed into oblivion as well.

Yes please. Any kind of paid employment that involves talking to adults and going outside, instead of sitting alone in a cold room pretending to be interested in a wide variety of things, like this, would be good.

It’s been a long, hard winter. The official THING about MP for a Week is here, while the “game” itself is online here.

The first thing you do is answer a KNOWINGLY SELF-AWARE message about violent video games. How ironic and therefore cutting-edge. We don’t know what the second thing you have to do is.

Their words, not ours. Although it does have a good ring to it. We’ll save it to use next year and claim as our own.

We’re not doing this out of any sort of charitable feeling or ambition, in case you were wondering. It’s just “content”. Everything is just “content”. And if we upload this one they might trust us with the Liz McClarnon one, in which you may be able to see her shoes.

No one’s going to complain about this being on the internet. We won’t be afraid to open up Hotmail this afternoon.

There IS more than one track in it! There’s at least TWO. Hopefully it’ll make it up to the classic minimum SEGA race game requirement of three tracks, plus Mirror Mode, plus Reverse Mode, plus a bonus one for completing the existing three in Normal, Mirror & Reverse.

Brilliant idea. Everyone should try this. Don’t know why we didn’t think of it before, it makes so much sense. If it was us, we’d urinate on the broken pieces to ensure nothing can be repaired afterwards.

And get a woman to do the urinating, so more people on the internet want to watch the video.

Hopefully the power of advertising will result in Sony’s installed user base mysteriously dropping over the coming weeks.

Suddenly we are ALL FOR the relentless dumbing down of consumer gaming product.

Discovered here, where they report on the small-scale furore that is kicking off over Apple’s refusal to allow TiTS on iTunes.

Here’s consumer rights MILF Anne Robinson having a right old go at PS3. The report is utter nonsense, but we’re obliged to agree with it seeing as it’s Sony getting called shit on national television.

WARNING: Contains Iain Lee at the 4:30 point.

Feels like we’re fighting dirty by using this horrific weapon.

If enough people simultaneously thought about things to do with Sonic The Hedgehog, someone would eventually think “I wonder what a collection of tunes inspired by Sonic The Hedgehog’s music – but not legally borrowing any specific elements – and recorded in an electro style would sound like?”

This.

Submitted by “Kristian” just yesterday, who suggested we save it for a slow news day. Kristian is obviously a bit new around here.