Sonic pants being touched by a woman. There’s a first time for everything etc etc.

“I only recently found out about your web site, but I think it’s great. Anyway, I read PSW from issue 10 to around 50, that was a great magazine. The best. (Gary wrote for it, though only as a guest writer in the later issues). Here is a picture I took which you might find interesting. It was taken about a month ago. I thought I take a picture wearing it, but that would be difficult, seeing as I didn’t buy it. Best of luck, and greetings from Holland!” – Elias.

You’d think a reader would know better than to supply THREE lengthy paragraphs of text to accompany ONE photograph of a video game box with the ‘Ultimate Big Brother’ eye logo beneath it…

Nope.

THE MAN’S TOO MANY WORDS:

Given your esteemed websites status of being a website that vaguely cares about Sega things I thought I would bring a matter to your attention. I have been watching ‘Ultimate Big Brother’ which is the swansong of Big Brother on Channel 4 and contains all of the best/most desperate housemates from previous series. Aside from killing my few remaining brain cells, the show also leaves me with an urge to play my Dreamcast. Perhaps this is to be considered a reasonable response to such a terrible show but I wanted to investigate further. Mulling over this last night, it hit me. The ‘eye’ used in the promotional materials and graphics on the Big Brother house almost exactly resembles the eye used on the artwork for Condemned 2! I have attached exhibit 1 (of 1) which clearly shows the similarity between the 2 pieces of art. The same giant eye is present, and even bits of scratchy writing which are like the scratchy writing used in the title of the game!

Then I took things further, until I arrived at the indisputable conclusion that the launch of Dreamcast 2 is imminent! Condemned 2 is published by Sega, and the Sega logo is featured prominently under the eye on the box. Also, this is the box of Condemned 2. Why Condemned 2? Because Condemned 2 is a sequel, that’s why. And a Dreamcast sequel would be called Dreamcast 2. Condemned 2 is a gritty ‘horror survival’ game, which seems to point towards a new, grown-up era for Sega, and the ‘horror survival’ is the way Sega ‘survived’ the onslaught of Sony and Microsoft (Nintendo is no longer considered a threat, since it just makes toys for spasticated children and smelly women) . Also, the big eye is a symbol of omnipotence. It is the all-powerful Sega saying ‘I am still here, I haven’t forgotten about you!’ to all the Sega fans.

Let’s take a second look at the picture. The eye is set into a circle. What also fits into circles? Squares etc don’t, unless they’re really small. Other circles fit nicely, and also Spirals. That’s right, SPIRALS. What amazingly brilliant console used a spiral in it’s design? Here’s a clue: it rhymes with creamcast. Not convinced? Let’s look at the demographic for Big Brother these days. Literally dozens of people watch Big Brother. The males that watch Big Brother are downtrodden, Gamma males who are forced to watch it by their wives/girlfriends/carers. These same males were hunting down obscure Japanese Saturn titles a decade or so ago, and are now ripe for a Big Brother – related advertising campaign. Not convinced? Watch the show. The Diary room door, behind which the contestants cry or generally moan about being ‘trapped’ is featured incredibly frequently. In yesterdays’ show alone it was displayed for over 12 minutes! You may be cynical but if I were you I’d start saving for the Japanese release now. You don’t want to be late and miss the boat and pay a fraction of the price for the PAL release!

Does 3 paragraphs of poorly-written tosh warrant a link to my website? If not, please let me know because I can reel off additional paragraphs of rubbish ’til the cows come home.

Thanks, Hrrumph (bitteryoungishman.blogspot.com)

This probably is one of you lot. Look at you, reading your book and sitting next to a woman, while on the way to a proper job! Well done.

“Good morning. As I was traveling on the London Underground this morning I spotted a business man in a suit. He was reading a book whilst wearing a very old looking Sonic The Hedgehog bag. I understand that you have disowned Sonic, but spare a thought for the die-hard fans” – Kaif.

SPOILER: It says SEGA.

From someone affiliated with this.

Tidy lounge. We must be attracting a more adult crowd.

Sonic Adventure’s out for those new machines lots of people bought, this September. Relive the moment at which Sonic turned to shit, with glitchy loops, incomprehensible hub levels, an army of pointless peripheral characters, awful “rails” levels, painful perspective switches and much, much more.

The mistakes made here were so large and all-encompassing, we’re still seeing them being made today. Read about it here.

The makers of Gameface, which we may have been quite mean about a year or two ago and are a bit scared to check, are doing a whole TV channel about games. From here.

“So, Michael, tell us about this new downloadable map pack for…” *SWITCHES TO BABESTATION 2 EVEN THOUGH IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY AND THEY’LL HAVE ALL THEIR CLOTHES ON*

Here’s Sonic doing a bit of work for charity, by bravely volunteering his likeness for a balloon sold in hospital receptions. So dads can buy a balloon for their child when it’s in hospital, offsetting the massive guilt triggered by enjoying the peace and quiet at home.

“I was working in Queens Hospital Romford this week and as I was walking through the entrance I was stopped in my tracks by this balloon! It was being sold at £2.99 and had gone by the time I had finished my job. Enjoy! From Mike in Dunstable (that’s where King Henry VIII got divorced from Catherine of Aragon WOW!)” – Mike, in Dunstable, where…

The rise of social media means there are now even more ways for people to send in the same thing. Like this video, which has been tweeted, poked, and emailed to us, and someone even wound down their car window and suggested we do something on it.

Tomorrow the letters will start arriving. So here it is.

Thanks to everyone. We nearly gave up just then. These people seem to be on the case when it comes to working out who actually made it and why and how.

Those aren’t our words, but also the words spoken by a character in a Chilean arthouse film. PS3 disrespecting has hit the ‘World Cinema’ section.

“I found this scene while watching an obscure artsy film from Chile. It’s about a father denying and ridiculizing his child for asking for a PS3″

“Only later did I figure that those subs could have been easily faked onto any other movie” – Matteo.

Was there any good porn in it, Matteo? Farmer’s daughter coming-of-age kind of thing?

“Today on Computers Today…”

A 43-year-old man playing Castle of Illusion and getting excited about the edge balance animation.

Another “GigerPunk” submission. He didn’t write any accompanying text, because he’s a bit busy ironing our underpants and putting the dinner on.