The global zeitgeist for the last 72 hours has been trawling through Arcade Flyers. The best thing on there – and in the world ever – is this. Sega Chan. A ready-made robot friend from Sega.
Its arms open 45-degrees! That means you could hug it, and it could hug you back. Its cold metal skin would be quite close to feeling love. We’d imagine.
SORT OF STOLEN FROM:
http://www.arcadeflyers.net
filed in Uncategorized on Apr.25, 2006 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (3)
We hate charity. The last thing we did for charity was pretend an Ebay auction was for Africa, so the game we stole went for more.
BUT! This is something for charity about driving rubbish cars across Europe, with Bizarre Creations staff – the nicest people in games – doing the driving and getting sponsored by RICHARD JACQUES! And if Richard thinks it’s OK, THAT MAKES IT OK!
This may also mark a Scrooge-like turning point for us in which we stop building the chains that will weigh us down in the afterlife.
THE CHARITABLE LINK:
Justgiving – Bizarre Creations Scumball fundraiser
filed in Uncategorized on Apr.24, 2006 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (3)
At Christmas we spoke lightly of Sega’s latest card game, Love and Berry. We said horrible things, like it was obviously the only game that girls would play as you didn’t have to do anything but wear clothes, and there was only ONE BIG BUTTON so they wouldn’t get confused. Obviously this was before we found out that it’s sold 43 MILLION CARDS (at about 50p a throw) in its first year alone. To little girls.
We’ve observed some of these “Little Girls” in their natural environment, and they’re not even talking about the ones with small tits. They mean real little girls. The kind whose hands aren’t even big enough to hold a Game Boy up yet.
Some might say that the time was right for a triumphant return to the hardware market.
filed in Uncategorized on Apr.23, 2006 by Cmdr_Zorg leave a comment
We asked. We asked MANY TIMES about if this is a joke or not. It’s not a joke. It was “a massive poster that went in US arcades to ‘promote’ the game” according to the Virtual On expert we asked. Get a load of it:
Photoshop was still in its developmental infancy.
filed in HISTORY on Apr.20, 2006 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (6)
This is LEGEND! Not only is it the INCREDIBLY RARE Sega Toys Sega Folding Bicycle, but it’s an ULTRA-RARE RARE AMAZINGLY RARE-RARE model that comes in Japanese Dreamcast orange.
We’re not exaggerating to look cool on the internet — we would spend whatever amount of money it takes to get one of these. Even, say, one thousand pounds. Money would be no object in securing a Dreamcast Orange Folding SEGA Bicycle to put in a cupboard and never risk riding.
Imagine bicycling to work on Dreamcast Orange Folding SEGA Bicycle. You’d look AMAZINGLY COOL for the first few minutes before you get beaten up by laughing schoolchildren.
If Doctor Who had a mode of transport in his new series, it would be a Dreamcast Orange Folding SEGA Bicycle.
This is in the UK at the moment, apparently in the hands (and occasionally beneath the buttocks of) a Japanese SEGA producer. We might invite ourselves down to SEGA’s office to worship at its BEAUTIFUL TINY LITTLE WHEELS.
TOMORROW:
The worst thing SEGA has ever done. Ever. Even including 32X.
filed in Uncategorized on Apr.19, 2006 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (5)
…at least that’s what it looks like. Lots of the Final Fantasy logos have an artsy silhouette behind them; a meteor, a crystal, a Magitek suit, and so forth. What the fuck is this meant to be? Have Square started paying Amano six figure sums to ACTUALLY hurl paint at a piece of paper?
It’s actually funnier when you see it in the shop on a full-sized poster where it’s a couple of inches wide rather than a centimeter. Then it looks like every single person passing it has moaned “OH GOD NOT ANOTHER ONE” and beat their head against it till the blood ran to the floor.
filed in Uncategorized on Apr.19, 2006 by Cmdr_Zorg leave a comment
Having things validated is always nice. Like when we found out that other people still loved SEGA and it made us feel less like outcasts. So discovering Girls of Counter-Strike is pretty amazing and life-affirming.
Even though they sound like screechy American teens, it would appear that the majority of Counter-Strike players are young sexy women, dressed in see-through negligees and pink panties with “INSERT COIN HERE” written on.
“GirlsofCS is an online gaming community and nude pinup gallery. We are out to empower female gamers by eliminating the negative online stereotypes towards them.” We’re almost speechless in admiration for whoever wrote this. We would like to shake the hand of the woman who wrote this, because it CLEARLY IS a woman who did, and not a man; a young, scantily-dressed woman. Making an O shape with her mouth and doing stuff with her tongue whilst fingering the scroll-wheel on the mouse and PWNING n00bs.
MySpace continues to astound us and justify our stalking hobby: LOOK! There’s an entire community of HAWT 18 YEAR-OLD CS PLAYING HONEYS. All of them could potentially be our she-bitches.
She IS REAL. The world will know this when we bring her to our house, where we will care for and endlessly photograph her. We will even be gentle and sensitive to her as she sobs in the shower while trying to scrub off the SHAME with bleach.
MORE PHOTOS OF TEENAGE AMERICAN ‘BABES’ WHO LOVE COUNTER-STRIKE:
DIRTY. Ultimate MySpace stalker resource update provided by guest updater The Cap’n.
filed in MEAT BAGS (WOMEN) on Apr.18, 2006 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (16)
Or a snake, as they’re also known. Plus a few bonus ones of Lara Croft Model Karima Adebedidebidet from sexy angles as a sort of Easter gift. Just like the egg, the sperm also symbolises rebirth. So release some. Release some sperm for Jesus (but not while thinking of Jesus, as that’s (a) gay and (b) against the law).
This one’s a bit rude. You can see the bit where her leg turns into her bottom. Respect is due to the photographer for taking the risk of kneeling down to get it.
She’s making eye contact with the kneeler. She’s probably thinking “Oh god, he can see up my shorts. Some sad loser is going to post this on the internet.”
That’s better.
filed in MEAT BAGS (WOMEN) on Apr.16, 2006 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (9)
Does anyone else get THE MASSIVE HORN while watching a wet Lara Croft emerge from the water in Tomb Raider: Legend? She’s got big tits, a big arse, strong arms and looks amazing when water is dribbling all down her hot body. We’ve actually considered having a wank over a video game, for the first time since Blaze flashed her knickers in Streets of Rage.
This makes us want to write erotic fan fiction:
See? Are you hot, baby? Does this do it for you too, honeykins? If you’ve recently considered having a wank over Lara Croft despite being nearly 33 years old, please get in touch. We can almost certainly be friends.
filed in MEAT BAGS (WOMEN) on Apr.14, 2006 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (11)
This is embarrassing. Like that whole year we wore women’s jeans without realising. The UK Animal Crossing Wild World TV ad is amazingly female-centric, featuring such exclusively female pursuits as:
LOOKING AT THE LOVELY SKY!
SMILING AIMLESSLY!
HAVING FRIENDS!
BEING IN THE KITCHEN! (good, positive role model for young girls)
GETTING REALLY DRUNK AND GETTING OFF WITH YOUR MATES AND OTHER MEN FROM THE INTERNET EVEN THOUGH SHE SAYS SHE’S STILL A VIRGIN! (not pictured)
BEING HAPPY!
And so on. We’re off to play Halo for a bit until the urge to phone people “just to catch up” wears off.
ELSEWHERE IN ANIMAL CROSSING:
Spong has had an entire AC advertorial makeover that’s pretty damn cool (for an internet advert). Neo_Kitty has been working on her fish collection.
filed in Uncategorized on Apr.12, 2006 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (2)
THIS IS HOW IT ALWAYS ENDS