And failed. On a whim we thought it’d be fun to spend 160 quid on buying one to take the piss out of (review) as an update, because it’s BOUND to be rubbish isn’t it? Look at it:

We would then sell it on Ebay hopefully for nearly what we paid for it afterwards. It would be hilarious! But this is what happens when you try to ‘checkout’ your purchase:

Nice that Commodore is staying true to its roots by crashing all the time. Although to be fair, this is probably the first time anyone’s ever tried to buy one so they weren’t to know.

See if they’ve fixed it yet here.

They were “outside Hamleys toy store on Friday, no idea why” according to reader Tom, who spotted two of our top five all-time celebrity icons together in the street.

Tom must have a pretty shit-hot mobile phone too, seeing as he sent us this image at a resolution of 1152×854 and it’s very clear. If you click on the photo it will magically go to that size, thanks to our advanced web coding skills:

Judging by the photographic evidence, our AMAZING JOURNALISTIC SKILLS tell us this was probably a SEGA game launch, probably for Sonic Gems which has just come out over here, because Sonic’s there. We don’t know why a Monkey Ball character is there. And Judging by that shit fleece Rolf’s wearing (WE HATE FLEECES), it looks like he’s “off duty” and was caught up in the SEGA event unexpectedly. Also, Sonic does not appear to be injured, so they’re not filming for Rolf’s Animal hospital.

Only we can’t be impartial because it’s got Kieron Gillen’s SMUG FUCKING IRONIC FUCKING NEW JOURNALISM FACE all over it, even on the COVER, so all we can type when thinking about it is “FUCK SHIT FUCK SHIT SHIT FUCKING BALLS”.

Therefore we have to give X360 0/10, even though it looks quite OK and would under normal circumstances get a seven or an eight.

So few dogs turned up to the UK launch of Nintendo DS game Nintendogs that Nintendo had to hire FAKE DOGS to make it look like more dogs turned up than were actually there.

One of these dogs is not a real dog, and is a pathetic PR plant designed by Nintendo to make it look like DS Nintendogs is more popular with dogs than it really is.

It’s pretty obvious which dog we’re talking about. He knows we’re onto him.

BUSTED! How on EARTH does Nintendo think we’re going to fall for this?! That’s OBVIOUSLY not a real dog! It’s not even a very realistic costume, and real dogs NEVER give the thumbs-up signal. This is a disgraceful attempt at tricking the children. Nintendo ought to be ashamed.

Several attendees also indulged in blatant ‘Nintendogging‘ — the act of publicly exchanging Nintendogs data with strangers.

The woman who’s most famous for wanking off a pig on television was curiously chosen to promote Nintendo’s new animal handling sim Nintendogs. She may have wanked some of the dogs off, but it wasn’t captured by the official event photographer.

AND MYLEENE KLASS WAS THERE!
Myleene was our favourite pop idol before Cheryl Tweedy held her goalposts open a bit wider. Myleene was in Hear’Say, a kind of fatter, less gay version of Steps. This is a really cool photo of her as she’s lost weight since then, yet her chest has stayed the same size! This photo is so lovely we’ve made it so you can click on it and see the big version — it takes a lot of effort to do that, so make sure you do.

AND JEREMY EDWARDS WAS THERE!
He’s just some boring bloke off the telly who shagged Rachel Stevens for a bit.

AND THERE WERE MORE LOVELY DOGS!
There’s nothing funnier than a close-up of a dog’s lovely happy face! Dogs must all be on drugs! They must put drugs in dog food to keep them happy and stop them biting people. We’re going to tell people that’s a fact and start a new internet conspiracy theory for stupid people to believe.

PS:
This is Rebecca Loos wanking off a pig on television, just in case you foreign people didn’t believe this sort of thing actually happens on British TV:

Nintendogs is out tomorrow!

The Perfect Dark heroine has been disgracefully airbrushed for her cover role in men’s magazine FHM, bearing little or no resemblance to her real-life self.

This is a SHAMEFUL manipulation of the truth, and sends out the wrong message to female gamers:

(Left) Airbrushed Joanna Dark in FHM photoshoot and (right) Joanna as she appears in the Xbox 360 game. It’s a shameful use of Photoshop to enhance her fading looks.

You could wonder if Joanna Dark’s fantastic finger nails get broken and dirty throughout the course of Perfect Dark Zero on Xbox 360!

We could then counter by saying you’re RUBBISH GIRLS who won’t get off the first level to find out! Hilarity will ensue!! Then both our bands of followers will start slagging each other off all over the internet, and we’ll win this particular war because our followers fight dirtier than the Japanese in WWII.

Jesus Christ! Loads of stuff happened overnight! Some of which was even a bit new and interesting!

Go to IGN or somewhere to read all about it!!!

PS:
If anyone’s got any good stories of drunken shame/near death from X05, please email them in. They’re always fun.

Does everyone else know this already? Has this been on Engadget and IGN for the last six months and we’ve just not been paying attention? If so ignore this, if not… WORLD EXCLUSIVE!!!!

Thanks to “Ensign Ideon” for the photo (more coming soon):

This is a photo from TGS. So it’s probably only for Japan. The right one is the “big one” the left one is the “smaller one” without the numeric keypad. It’s that sort of analysis that has made us the UK’s top video game journalists.