The enemy is again attempting to rewrite history before the war is even over! Speaking to IGN and quoted by Eurogamer, Peter Dille, the enemy’s Senior Vice President of Marketing (Marketing = LIES), tried to blame stock shortages for the dismal showing of his console.

Peter, THERE WAS NO STOCK SHORTAGE. We were there. We remember what happened. It was only two-and-a-half years ago. We saw it happen. We documented it as it happened. Your pieces of shit were piled up in every shop and warehouse the length and breadth of this country. And America, we just didn’t bother saving all the American PS3 stockpile photos.

Lest we forget Manchester, England, Peter, where Virgin had 328 in stock shortly after launch. LEST WE FORGET THE BRAVE PEOPLE OF MANCHESTER, PETER, WHO RESISTED YOU THEN AND STILL RESIST YOU NOW – AND WILL RESIST AND RESIST AND RESIST UNTIL YOU QUIT. Is that a shortage, Peter? Is 328 a shortage? You must have a lot of everything if you think 328 is not very many.

That is A LIE. There was a GLUT, Peter. There was an enormous fucking GLUT, you fool. Anyway. With thanks to “Shine” for pointing out Sony’s latest embarrassingly crude attempt at retrospective reputation management.

LEST WE FORGET.

Time has not been kind to Ryo, but then he has spent the last eight years doing admin work for one of the shipping companies based in the docks, using a really old CRT monitor – hence what’s happened to his eyes.

Eight long, hard, real-time years.

Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing really is the ‘Celebrity Big Brother’ of the games world, thanks to the way it gives so many ageing, long-forgotten stars one more shot at the BIG TIME. If this game does well, Ryo will be able to pay off his mortgage and retire.

Here is Sumo Digital man and good interview–giver “SOL” explaining to some people on the internet why NiGHTS isn’t a playable/raceable character in SEGA & Sonic All-Stars. Believe it or not, games still MATTER to some people THAT MUCH. Crazy, isn’t it? People getting all bothered about pretend things. Madness.

We have left the “emoticon” HTML instructions in the text, so you can see where emotion was intended, and also corrected one possessive apostrophe error.

“Right then – first off… We didn’t forget NiGHTS!

“Just since you’ve all been trying to make him out from that blurry capture from Youtube, I figured we better put a nicer shot out! Consider this an exclusive (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

“We’ve given NiGHTS a very important role. He starts all the races, and also finishes them too! He also resides over Time Trial, whenever you set a new lap record, you’ll have NiGHTS flying along with you celebrating!

“I have to admit the main reason he’s in was after we saw your heartfelt pleas, especially those of DiGi and TRiPPY, we had to make sure NiGHTS was in and played an important role. After all, we really didn’t want them to burn all their collection now. So whilst he’s not playable, he very much made it in, and as a result of the huge amount of support for the character that you all showed.

“Does this mean that NiGHTS may not be in future DLC? Well who can say. That’s a question I can’t answer right now – it all depends on how well the game does (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

“Anyway – cat’s out of the bag, so I figured we best make it official!

“Now, I can look forward to yet more ‘Don’t forget Flagman!’ posts I’m sure (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)”

We propose a new INTERNET JOKE – when you say something that’s meant to be funny, you type “(IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)” so people know it was a joke and you weren’t just being an arse. It might be worth copying & pasting that into a Word document, to save on having to type it every time you need it.

NEW INTERNET JOKE TEST RUN:
Can’t wait to get this, it’s bound to be right at home on the Wii controller (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

That odd “SEGA Zone” or indeed “Zone SEGA” thing that’s been doing the rounds on the internet is literally nothing to do with SEGA – you’ve been able to buy a generic version of it in Nintendo Wii white for a long time. And eBay is flooded with the things.

You’ve even been able to buy it for £15.99 for a long time, albeit without the SEGA games. But ask yourself this question – do you really need to play Columns again? And did you ever need to play Kid Chameleon in the first place?

“It looks bloody awful but I guess this is that base unit that SEGA is attaching its name to and sticking an extra chip inside of with a few MD classics. Pathetic, really” – Tomston.

No, we haven’t gone keyword-mental and decided to turn the site into a spam blog (that’s at least three months away at current rate of mental deterioration), we’ve just been sent this amazing photograph three times in the last hour.

Which means it’s probably on Kotaku right now, or has been for the last week, but we’re too scared to look. If you are the original copyright holder of this image and would like us to link to the blog everyone who sent it to us nicked it off, please get in touch.

Even some tulips there to help it appeal to Dutch tourists, and the number “10” as a generic sporting reference. Thanks to everyone who sent this in. Also, we’re not going to be mentioning the SEGA Zone thing until some official photos arrive. Just so you know.

This stupidly-haired IDIOT is “doing” the “main theme” of Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing, according to an image on Amazon and what he says on his blog. Bentley may have more hair than Richard Jacques, but we’d run out of things to talk to him about before we’d even finished the first pint.

With Richard, we’d be able to think about things to talk about until 3.45am!

You can buy it through Amazon if you’ve just been won over by his choppy fringe and computer-enhanced eyes. There’s also a competition going on over on his site, where you can win the chance to be “in” the video for it. It’ll be OK, no one will ever see it.

You can even ride bananas. You can EVEN ride bananas. You can even ride BANANAS. Don’t bother waiting for the irony to start – IT NEVER DOES.

No one mentions that you can “be the man from Shenmue”.

This is a good one. Should’ve saved it for Valentine’s Day or next Christmas. It’s Sonic eating Tails, wearing gloves because he doesn’t know where he’s been.

Thanks to Sonic Stadium and whatever a BuzzFeed is for digging it out.

It’s apparently based on this cheery number, in which a man eats his children lest they turn against him. A bit like when you deliberately kill Tails before a difficult bit in Sonic 2, so he doesn’t balls it all up for you. Happy Friday.

They’ve made an error in not capitalising the ‘t’ in Sonic The Hedgehog. We shall take this complaint to the TOP – ie, maybe leave a comment on Major Nelson’s blog, if he’s still got a blog.

Classic Sonic – press one button and it’s all over in a few seconds.

“Whilst playing ‘1 v 100’ on Xbox Live tonight, with the quiz subject being ‘The 90s’, this question popped up: (see attached image, full size no resizing, DIRECT from the camera for all your EXIF-spying). I am not Gronanbarbarian or Gronanbarbar or JoRDANQuINNN, these names are far too crazy for my liking, all the kids do it these days. I was dominating the 90s questions with three safetys in the bag. Those punks never knew what hit them. All four of us got this question right anyhow” – Sam.

There are some benefits to burning all your bridges.

Would trust the one on the right to shoot a face-hugger off in a moment of panic, but would prefer it if the one on the left stayed on the orbiter manning the expedition’s Twitter account.