UK RESISTANCE UPDATE GENERATOR

Can someone with a working knowledge of WordPress create some sort of autoexec file to put one of these up every day, along with a random image taken from the Google Image Search results page for “SEGA cosplay”.

Don’t take the image from the first 20 results. Take it from the bit you have to scroll down to see. We are edgy like that.

ukr update generator

That was alarmingly easy to make :(

THE UK:R GAME IDEAS GENERATOR

Last year was a pretty pathetic year overall for games, with far too many of the big names being sequels (in some cases sequels of sequels of sequels). In the spirit of helping your fellow man, here’s a little something to help the games industry come up with original ideas:

Note the absence of any fucking Space Marines, game developers...

Take one idea at random from each column, and hey presto – an idea for a new game!

BLUE SKY IN GAMES CAMPAIGN NEEDS ENFORCING NOW!

Even bloody Ridge Racer’s gone all grey and shit

Ridge Racer’s been on a downward spiral ever since the inclusion of the nitro, but this is something else.

It’s been farmed out to Helsinki-based ‘legends’ Bugbear Entertainment because Namco don’t care about it any more.

Bugbear will be best remembered for gaming gems such as Flatout, Flatout 2, Sega Rally Revo (PSP port) and a wank old N-Gage game.

I bet they’ve put guns in it.

SUSAN SARANDON STANDING IN FRONT OF KILLZONE 3

Really, really do not understand the modern world and don’t want to have any part of it any more. The best thing that could happen to society now is a nuclear war and subsequent forced return to subsistence living.

susan sarandon

Is she… attempting to make it look like she knows you have to use your thumbs?

IT’S KIND OF A MIXTURE OF THE TWO

LONDON & SAN FRANCISCO (31st Jan 2010)— SEGA® Europe Ltd. and SEGA® of America, Inc. announced today that SEGA Rally Online Arcade™, a new HD title inspired by SEGA Rally Revo™ and SEGA Rally 3™, will be racing onto PlayStation® Network and Xbox LIVE® Arcade for the Xbox 360® video game and entertainment system from Microsoft in 2011. SEGA’s arcade and console favourite will include a collection of new features, including the ability for gamers to race their friends online!

sega rally online arcade

That’s their exclamation mark. More here.

SHOULD WE BE EXCITED?

This has appeared on a Korean games ratings website

Fingers crossed it’s more of this…..

…..and less of this

That’s more of this…..

…..and less of this

Just so we’re completely clear. More of this…..

…..less of this

And now for the bad news.

Sony filed the rating so it’s likely to be an exclusive title for the PS3 and/or that new handheld thing they’re releasing for people with massive hands.

AT LEAST CREAM’S IN IT

Although nothing sexual happens or is even hinted at in the subtext.

“Good old Pakistan, keeping the dream alive!” – Zed Minor X.

ROCKSTAR GAMES REBUFF ‘BLUE SKY IN GAMES’ CAMPAIGN – *EXCLUSIVE*

You heard it here first – Rockstar Games has no intention of making games with blue skies. Apparently they’re happy with brown cities full of junkies and whores.

A few weeks back while bored after Christmas, and with nothing on the telly I decided to write to Rockstar Games about their back catalogue. The email was perhaps a bit strong in its choice of language, but I didn’t really expect a reply anyway so I thought it might be fun to vent. The email went as follows:

From: Karl

Age: 27

Message:

As a long-time gamer, I have made purchase of many Rockstar Games products, starting with the original GTA for the Playstation (which was a shoddy port, sadly). I note with interest that Rockstar are keen on pushing an edgy, ‘adult’ image. But I feel your company has a lot to answer for. Not in a Jack Thompson, “videogames made my chid into a feral killer” kind of way. But the success of the GTA series has led to a lot of other companies following the money and now the market is saturated with crime games, rubbish free-roaming games (True Crime: Streets of LA, anyone?) and other assorted “adult” tat.

Is there any chance of Rockstar bucking the trend, and perhaps pushing out a cheery little happy game where nobody gets kerb-stomped? You could put it out on the PS Network and Xbox Live, and I bet that the media would be intrigued by such a volte-face. Or even on the App Store – you’d make a killing (no pun intended).

I find myself agreeing with this man’s ideas – http://www.ukresistance.co.uk/2005/11/blue-sky-in-games-campaign-launched.html It’s not about prudery. It’s not about censorship. I’m not against blowing “gangstas” away in games. I’m just one of many people sick of the deluge of games in this genre.

How about starting a reverse trend, Rockstar? Although I don’t think I will hold my breath.

However, about a week later I received this reply in my email inbox:

Hi Karl,

Thanks for your message.  While we appreciate your point of view, we do stand by our catalog of titles as one that is indeed diverse and varied for many tastes.  For every Grand Theft Auto title in our history, there is also a teen-appropriate Midnight Club racing game or a lighthearted title such as Bully or a Red Dead Redemption epic and dramatic western or even our occasional E-rated releases such as Table Tennis and the music-making title, Beaterator.  We have always geared our releases to be cutting-edge, progressive entertainment and yes, many of those experiences are catered towards mature players – but hopefully you’ll stick with us and look forward to what we have lined up for 2011 and beyond including L.A. Noire, Max Payne 3 and more.

Cheers,

Rockstar Games

I would like to take the opportunity to reply to Rockstar Games by saying like fuck i will.

BRAND NEW NIGHTS INTO DREAMS GAME!!!

It’s not called Nights.
Nor does it look anything like Nights.
It doesn’t seem to be about dreams.
Or nightmares.

It’s got flying in it though.
Oh, and Yuji Naka’s directing it.

On reflection, perhaps I shouldn’t have implied it was a new Nights installment after all?

It’s slap-dash, sensationalist post titles like this that give credible gaming sites a bad name!

,

Don’t get too excited. It’s on the Wii and 3DS

The screen grabs don’t get any better than this either. If anything, they get worse

The photographer should’ve used the MACRO MODE

He’s tried one with the flash on to see if it’s improved things

That’s a bit better. Shame it’s the last one.

Everything was pinched from here

The game’s called Tenkuu no Kishi Rodea which probably translates to something about shooting and/or flying

It’ll turn out to be shit.

NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY OR FEEL ABOUT THIS

The Mega Drive version of Virtua Fighter 2 is now available on iPhone. It probably sold more copies than the PAL Saturn release in the time it took you to make that cup of tea.

vf2 iphone

Happy? Sad? Indifferent? Confused? Annoyed that Sarah Bryant’s tits won’t be as nice in 2D?