SHENMUE 3 MIGHT HAPPEN. PROBABLY WON’T THOUGH

During GDC 2011, Yu Suzuki stated that he thinks Sega will allow him to make Shenmue 3, provided he doesn’t get carried away with the budget and can guarantee healthy sales.

So there you have it.

If they don’t make it now, we’ll all be mad and slag them off.

If they do make it, we’ll slag them off anyway and say it’s shit.

It’s your call Sega. Just don’t let Sonic Team anywhere near it please.

 

EUROPEAN UNION RULES AGAINST THE VERY EXISTENCE OF PLAYSTATION3

LG corporation has filed a patent complaint against Sony – and the European court has temporarily ruled in LG’s favour. This means “all new PS3s have to be confiscated” as they enter the EU.

Basically, the Brussels bureaucrats are earning their salaries for once and doing something more useful than arguing about the metric system. Here’s a photograph illustrating one fantastic LG brand:

lg ps3 eu war

Read actual facts about the amazing European PlayStation3 EMBARGO over on the Guardian. Thousands of PS3s have already been seized by our glorious European leaders! Waterboard the pieces of shit until their warranties expire.

“PROMOTES ORGIES AND LESBIAN SEX TO KIDS AS YOUNG AS 12″

*Hurriedly reappraises personal stance on Nintendo console*

we-dare-the-sun

Will need to be hidden in the same place previous generations hid their VHS copy of ‘The Lover’s Guide’. From The Sun.

SNUG-RUG

A product called Snug-Rug exists.

It’s basically a thermal burka.

That’s not the reason it’s here though.

Can you guess why?

The most realistic portrayal of ordinary family life you’ll ever see

Here’s another clue

And while we’re dishing out the shame, lets get Nintendo in on it too

I didn’t have enough comments planned for three pictures so you’ll have to come up with your own.

These are the kind of updates you can expect when nearly a week of inactivity elapses. It’s not even Sega-related.

WHAT ARE SEGA TOYS UP TO THESE DAYS?

This:

It’s called Wappy.

Here’s the press release that I stole from somewhere. It’s either been written by someone who’s primary language isn’t English, or Google translate’s been employed.

“Sega has made a new Toys which is shaped like a puppy. They named the toys ‘Nintendo Wappy Dog’. This robotic puppy will be released along with Nintendo DS game console. This toy able to interact with the video game and move by itself. It can response your voice and gesture moving and glowing their body into different lights color which are placed on the Wappy Dog’s cheeks and eyes. Sega Wappy Dog has equipped with Wappy-technology which can response sound like the beeps and other noises that produced when you are playing your video game. The Wappy Dog is not only can be played with Nintendo video games but also with other games like Wappy! Wack. This robotic puppy can be personalized setting such as: chose a name and equipped them with some accessory just like a real pet, watching them grow and other. We have no idea, how much will Sega priced the Wappy Dog but they are expecting to release this robotic toy this Fall season”

My uncle had a wappy dog. He had it put down.

F.A.O. KOTAKU

Here’s an image you can use for one of today’s updates, if you still have us in your RSS reader.

kotaku update

For those of you who haven’t been following, Kotaku’s publisher Gawker did something like moving from Blogger to WordPress or something like that and no one liked it very much. It was a bit like when we made the background blue, only this was noticed by more than 50 people.

ANOTHER PLAYSTATION-RELATED MURDER HAS OCCURED

Acording to this

Surely we must be approaching double figures by now?

Feel free to trivialise it and make a joke about him trying to ‘jailbreak’ out of prison if you want to.

“OH WOW THAT’S THE SEGA FONT”

Reader comes to the rescue of current UPDATE CRISIS with extra-mile-going photographic submission. Thanks, reader. This was adrenaline to the heart. Not sure why the Justin Beiber photograph is included, unless that “JUSTIN” is also supposed to be a bit like the SEGA font?

sherbet

“Every weekday morning I am forced to take a long and depressing hike up a hill to my college in Bournemouth. I always walk past this club hilariously misspelled ‘Sherbet’ and think ‘Oh wow, that’s the SEGA font.’ However due to the the mundaneness of the journey and the sleep deprivation together with the need to distance myself from the resident freaks I’ve never really given it a second thought.”

sherbet2

“The other day I was in a strangely chirpy mood so I stopped to take a shot of it with my extremely generic Samsung Tocco Lite. I noticed UK:R has been a little… well… yeah, recently, so I hope this floats your boat and puts a smile on your face for a second before you send it to the recycle bin or whatever.”

jb

“I suppose SEGA has turned to a new liver destroying entertainment sector, even the colour of the sign reminds me of the Dreamcast, perhaps they’re hinting at a new hip, cool, wicked, beat, down alternative to gaming: Binge drinking to loud music. I hear it’s a fun club and does nice food, but what would a bitter, non-alcoholic ovo lacto vegetarian like me know?”

Dreamcast2

“I also found a Dreamcast logo while waiting for the number 16 bus. It looks pretty crappy… maybe SEGA are going for a dark, gritty image for the Dreamcast 2? Peace” – Shem.

THE ENEMY IS RECRUITING

Whilst casually channel-hopping last night, I accidentally ended up getting myself trapped in the middle of the 437  music channels.

As I desperately mashed the channel + button to escape, this turgid mess flashed on screen. Only for a millisecond mind, but it was enough.

I don’t advocate clicking the play button. It’s only here for evidence

We don’t call them N-DUBZ in our household. We call them NOB-EDZ instead, because we’re a bit zany like that and they’re wankers.

UK RESISTANCE DEV TOOL

It’s probably my turn to do one one of these types of updates so here goes….

Game developers. Here’s a handy colour picker for you to use when you’re creating your games. I’ve even included the hexadecimal codes because I know you have tight deadlines.

The rules are simple. For every dark colour used, you must use 3 lovely light/pastel colours.

Try to keep the browns and greys to a minimum please.