Looks like we’re back in poo-based fan fiction territory.

“Hi, thought you might like some snaps of this year’s visit to Tokyo. It would make a perfect half-hearted update.”

“One day we found this Joypolis in Odaiba.”

“As you may see, the SEGA brand is no longer the draw it once was. The place was nearly empty, apart from a few Japanese who looked lost and confused.”

“Inside was not much better, only saved by some kids who were bunking off school to play the latest Rambo game.”

“There was a general lack of SEGA-ness to the whole affair, to be honest. Apart from Sonic selling-out by endorsing Hello Kitty UFO catchers.”

“All was not lost however, as we spent a good hour trying to find all the secret pods where you would get stamps of all your favourite Sonic characters (and Shadow). I’m 25 years old by the way.” – Matthew.

Ill-informed foreign manufacturer thinks us lot in the West are all still playing Dreamcasts. Most of the people around here still are, but that’s not enough to base an import/export hardware business on.

“Power inverter that uses a (poorly Photoshopped) picture of a DC as its example of ‘game system’. What’s odd is that it has a big blob of fine print for using a picture of an iPod, and for the DC they ‘shop out the logo but not the ‘SEGA’ (of course it would be ‘AGES’ since it’s mirrored). Keep fighting the good fight” – Quzar

In case you’re wondering and can’t be bothered to search as the search box probably doesn’t work anyway, we have done a Dreamcast as generic games console update before. There is nothing that has not been done.

We know the internet. We know the #1 thing people on the internet want to see is photos of female TV presenters in different positions and scenarios than usual, wearing different clothes than usual. It lets you build up a wider, more solid fantasy scenario in your head, if you know what sort of clothes they wear outside of the studio.

This, for example, is what Georgie might wear on a “night out” with “the girls”.

Photos taken from the Daily Mail. The excuse for reading the Daily Mail web site is as follows – we were writing something proper for someone else about Sky and Xbox 360, and required an image. These images popped up in Google Image Search, leading us to the Daily Mail web site for the larger originals.

To be on the safe side, can about 50 of you lot get down there as well? And take proper cameras, not mobile phones.

If you enter the competition and win, that’s your travel expenses paid.

A man wants to know if this is the worst-condition SEGA sign we’ve ever seen. It probably is, although the broken Japanese neon one runs it close. If Deith has survived the recession AND the plummeting popularity of amusement arcades, it might want to spend a bit on jazzing up its front-of-house.

Here’s a story of a man’s brush with Wembley, and an anecdote about the past from us.

“What up UK:R, or something like that. I was walking through a trading estate near Wembley on my way to a meeting. I saw this sign like a beacon burning bright in the sky. I took a photo to preserve it for posterity. Surely I win a prize for worst condition official SEGA sign?” – Dan.

We have a story about Deith Leisure! Ages ago, in the mid-to-late 1990s, Deith used to hold open days at its office where you could play all the games it distributed for free. This included SEGA games. We would go, drink beer, and play Scud Race for ages and ages and ages for free. THAT was the dream.

Everyone was excited about Gameswipe, because it looked like being a bit of “proper” games TV. As in, it might have interesting opinions and views, rather than being a woman with a passable face talking about the new promotional footage they got sent over from EA to illustrate the week’s new releases.

If you can make iPlayer work where you live, you can watch it here. The ace opening titles are highlight #1.

First of all, we had to remember what room of the house the television was in. Where was it last? When did we last watch anything LIVE as it was broadcast on the common people’s entertainment medium?

It was in the bedroom, in the corner there underneath all the clothes. Now, the remote control… and what buttons do you press to make it work? Right. Gosh, look how many new channels there are these days. Anyway…

Charile’s got a wonky face, used to work on a games magazine and is angry all the time. He is one of us. He’s so much like one of us that he really shouldn’t be allowed to do nice things, like be on the television where women will get to look at him.

But he was. And as of this morning, Gameswipe’s the #2 most popular thing to watch on iPlayer. Let’s try not to be too angry about those facts and attempt to review the programme impartially.

We were terrified it was going to be shit, as that would make it look like we’re trying to be all cool AGAIN by saying something popular’s shit on the internet to get attention.

But it wasn’t, and cheering was heard from all the houses in the street when Sonic appeared at the 6:28 point. It looks like Gameswipe is going to be OK!

Gameswipe did one thing very well – it articulated the puzzling way games are VERY POPULAR WITH EVERYONE, yet no one seems to know how to put them on telly. And when they do get on the telly, it’s usually some idiot who doesn’t understand them who’s been given the job of talking about them.

There’s some brilliant archive footage and TV adverts in it, including this seminal shot of Dave Perry and Big Boy Barry. Charlie said something funny about this moment. We won’t attempt to appear funny by association by reproducing it here.

It also managed not to be ironic about the old days. It was factual when it needed to be. A bit too much like a catalogue listing products in places, but for the adult, arty, BBC4 audience it was aimed that, that was what it had to be to make them understand.

Don’t usually like this man, but he made a good point about giving up after 11 percent. Even the Castle/Consolevania men were acceptable.

He calls 50 Cent an embarrassing piece of shit, says MMORPGs are rubbish and isn’t exactly holding himself open for Wii. Job done. We won’t spoil any more, just in case you’ve got a torrent on the download and it’s what you were planning on doing tonight.

Definitely not shit. Probably the best and fairest games TV show there’s ever been, even including all those episodes of GamesMaster that are better in our minds now than they were when they came out. Wouldn’t mind a whole series of it, please, if there’s any budget leftover from paying celebrities to dance about.

Kotaku is encroaching on our turf, bothering to take photos of the toilet signs in a Japanese arcade. Brian didn’t take any pictures from within the toilets, though. He is not that far gone yet. Photos found (ie, seen on Kotaku) by “Eggobots”.

That’s Sonic. We don’t want to think about Sonic having a wee, and certainly wouldn’t want to be in the cubicle next to him when he does a poo. At least he’d be done quickly, so we could relax.

That’s Amy. We would like to think about Amy having a wee. Not sure if we’d like to think about Amy having a poo, though. We’ll try thinking about Amy having a poo later and see how it goes.

AMY ROSE POO FAN FICTION PRELIMINARY NOTES
Suppose it depends what she’s been eating. Maybe if you factor in a nice, healthy meal beforehand as part of the story arc, then she can do nice little vegetarian poos like a rabbit. And if they were round, they’d collect in your belly button and wouldn’t make a mess on the sheets.

This looks rubbish.

PLEASE NOTE: We’re not being needlessly picky or all cool or anything just because it’s by Sony, but floaty cars that don’t move about on their suspension and stop dead upon contact with walls look very, very, very poor in this day and age.

It has the look of a boring game that hasn’t been done very well, that’s all.

But yes, the cars are very shiny. Well done on spending three years doing that, Polyphony.

That odd game design training thing we got sent the other day is apparently a known offender. It has a “rep” that is in serious need of levelling up.

Here are a few recordings of a Train2Game presentation. They were made by a reader. They are not that visually impressive, it’s mainly an audio-based update unless you really like radiators.

“I had a sales rep from Train2Game actually come round to my house because I was interested in what they were offering. I also recorded most of it as I’d heard before the sales rep came that T2G was a scam”.

“I stuck my findings on youtube so people can decide for themselves if they think I witnessed a scam or sales pitch”.

“And I also made a cut for people that dont have much time and still want to see the funny bits” – Simon.

Shit name. Amazing everything else. Amusement arcade operators might have a reason not to chuck it all in and give up next year.

Merely looking at it quickens the heart. Taken from here. A man called “Alex” emailed us about this last week, saying “My buddy told me that SEGA Racing Classic is actually a remake of the original Daytona USA. It’ll show up at the next AOU expo in early 2010”.

Also from Alex. Daytona USA on the telly in Australia.