Underneath that fir of his he’s just an ordinary man who eats cheap food for lunch just like everyone else.

Found by a “Steve” on some sort of Wal-mart stalking resource.

Stalking the people of Wal-mart is an extremely specialist hobby.

The makers of this ask if the viewers would like it to be made into a full-length film. We’d imagine SEGA’s answer would be “Definitely not”.

Our answer is also a “Not”. But thanks anyway.

About the size of a postage stamp would be more acceptable.

Taken at something no one needs to know about.

When we’re caught with a high-resolution photograph of a woman in athletic clothing on the computer, we can honestly get away with saying it’s for work.

That’s Julie Seymour. We’re not suggesting she’s remarkable enough to try and track down via various social networking sites, but knowing their names does make it all seem a bit more realistic. Julie’s game is called “NewU Fitness First Personal Trainer”. We wish we “knew her” in the biblical sense.

“Nell McAndrew’s Body Fitness” is several magnitudes more disappointing. And it depends what you classify as exercise, Nell.

Back-on-the-telly-again comedy quiz show Shooting Stars disrespected the SEGA Saturn in a recent episode by associating it with Nintendo’s Wii, for the purposes of making a JOKE about gaming. Or rather, they made THE joke about video gaming. The one about Wii being a bit like wee.

Very poor, Vic. Very poor.

“While watching Shooting Stars the other night I noticed that during the admittedly unfunny ‘Wii Toilet’ sketch, the mock-up for the console used a picture of a first model Sega Saturn artificially turned white (it was not a true white ‘Flash Saturn’). The control pad ports, Sega logo, start, reset and eject buttons appear to have been the victim of a Photoshopping too.

“They also edited the Wii remotes but I don’t care about that. Please God let me be the first to have submitted this. Please God” – Police Constable London.

Last ones of these. We were saving this lovely pair as some sort of grand finale, but forgot and now the moment is gone.

If you happen to be a mugger and a rapist, this is pretty much the dream.

“Why is her MP3 player so much smaller than mine?”

Or will it just be like a fan project off the internet, seeing as no one good’s left at SEGA Japan any more and this is probably being developed in a portakabin somewhere in the USA anyway?

That’s “Project Needlemouse” the 2D/HD new Sonic game due in 2010. We’re prepared to go out on a limb and predict we’ll be giving it a sympathetic 2 more out of 10 than it deserves next year.

Blue mascot now A CANCER on the high street.

“You might remember me as the ‘other’ poster from Phorenzik’s blog Stupid Fucking Customers. I’m still alive and I thought I’d send you these images from my local video shop as it has an interesting picture of Sonic on the shop sign. I’ve always thought about sending them in but I’ve never had the bottle to do it, but now the shop has shut down so I thought I would.”

“Sorry about the poor image, I was scared because some kids and the security guard at the Morrisons store next to it was watching me, so I had to rush” – Mark.

The enemy has won a minor battle. Reader “Benjamin” has provided a visual analysis of the newly-released sales data.

Week #2 up 200 percent. Week #3 up 42 percent. Week #4 MISERY AS USUAL until the next price cut at Easter of 2011. The enemy may take solace in this HOLLOW VICTORY, but we will not be fooled. No tide has turned here, it is merely a ripple in the ocean of piss that is PS3.

We ignored the recent Dubai shopping centre SEGA theme park news on account of there not being any accompanying imagery. Fortunately, SEGA has now prodived some on its world-consuming Flickr presence.

Flickr Account Monitor “Anne” provided all the links and captions. We did the really hard bit in uploading all the pictures. If anyone’s a hero today, it’s the man who uploaded 11 images and pasted 11 bits of text below the right ones.

It is good (AKA heart-breakingly sad) to see that the arcades of Dubai are just as empty as the arcades of the UK. Although the Dubai one has the excuse of not being open yet.

[1] “Sega has apparently decided to open a new country in the Mall of Dubai.”

[2] “They seem to have set up public works programs building futuristic halfpipes in order to jumpstart their economy.”

[3] “The almighty visage of Sonic watches over the workers and inspires them to greater heights of glory.”

[4] “Not sure what Spingear is. National sport? Game show? Way of torturing PS3 owners (i.e. political prisoners)?”

[5] “The Sega Republic seems to sparsely populated. Perhaps the population will rise as word gets out that they offer billiards?”

[6] “Children of the Republic can acquire all sorts of Sonic plushes. Though none of Cream the Rabbit. :(“

[7] “Magic thought-projecting bubbles (separated by gender) help to keep the citizens thinking in the proper Sega frame of mind.”

[8] “The great leader lets the citizens know they’re doing A-ok!”

[9] “The Sega Republic’s military is trained on state of the art simulators.”

[10] “Immigration kiosks stand at the entrance to the country. Becoming a citizen is easy, and mainly involves swearing never to buy a PS3, and to laugh at Ken Kutaragi whenever possible.”

[11] “The card that identifies one as citizen of the Sega Republic. It provides a mild electric shock to the citizen whenever they think about buying a Sony product.”