Archive for July, 2009:

SONIC TOY UNBOXING “EXCLUSIVE” PICS

“Exclusive” in that no one else would want them. Or even bother downloading the 8.32MB ZIP file. Or would actively solicit material like this in the first place. Let’s just say there wasn’t a fierce bidding war with Kotaku over the rights to upload these with a 24 hour exclusivity agreement in place.

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In fact, our main interest in these photographs is the way they accurately document the computer desks and set-ups of men in the year 2009.

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Look, the camera has accidentally focused on the Samsung monitor instead of the small child’s toy! This update is coincidentally also being produced on a Samsung monitor. A SyncMaster 206BW if you want to look it up and feel a little bit closer to the UKR machine. It has a squarer bezel than Jonathan’s later model.

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We hope Tails is being ironic when he pulls this expression. Otherwise, he’s just a bit of a tosser.

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Anyway, that’s our stream of consciousness, first-draft opinions done with. Over to “Jonathan” for his actual commentary.

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“I can’t remember if you ever did a post on these (I thought you must have since it constituted actual Sega-related news at the time, but I couldn’t find one) but in February last year some reasonably okay looking Sonic vinyl figures to be made by some people called ‘First4Figures’ were announced.”

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“About a year later Forbidden Planet started actually offering them for sale on their website (only the Knuckles one is still there, for some reason, and even that’s currently on pre-order). Seeing as my birthday was coming up, they weren’t too expensive, and it wasn’t like I was ever going to get another girlfriend anyway, I decided to treat myself to them.”

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“Somehow it took until today for them to actually arrive. So long that I had completely forgotten that I’d ordered them, and any of the initial excitement had long-since faded. As had any excitment for Sonic in general, in fact, as I’m pretty sure most of the internet was as nonplussed as I was by the announcement of Sonic and Sega All-Stars Racing or Sonic and Mario at the Winter Olympics or whatever the hell the latest game is.”

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“Actually, make that excitement for videogames as a whole. But I’m sure you don’t care about that, here are some mediocre photos of my ill-gotten winnings. They’re in a zip file with a funny name. It’s slightly too big for me to attach so here is a download link” [WE CAN CONFIRM HE DID AT THIS POINT PROVIDE A DOWNLOAD LINK TO A ZIPPED FILE OF IMAGES]

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“As you can hopefully see, the figures are sort of nice, and I suppose they’re just about worth a little under a tenner each if you’re really sad, but I’m no longer sure why I allowed myself to buy them.

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“The big Sonic one on the First4Figures website would’ve been nicer, but I’m not paying £100 for that. Or even $100, which will probably be about £100 anyway but tomorrow if things keep going the way they are.”

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“Hopefully this isn’t too boring. If you don’t put it on your nice website I hope it at least amuses you for a couple of minutes” – Jonathan.

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It was pretty boring, to be honest, Jonathan, but we’re in a mental place right now where the more boring a thing is the better entertainment value it provides as we imagine people reading it and being bored to the point of extreme anger.

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We sent Jonathan a separate thank you email yesterday, so there’s no real need to say thanks again here.

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THE “REAL LIFE RPG” – ONLY ON MICROSOFT EXCEL

Think RPGs are dull? Think again. Imagine them stripped of all sensory embellishments. Imagine them reduced to core numbers and sums. Imagine it on Excel. Is your imagination ON FIRE yet?

Found by suspicious book-reading resident “Weatherbox” who stumbled across it while… god knows.

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THE NEW URBAN NINTENDO Wii

Comes bundled with a copy of ‘Nintendo Urban Pursuits’, which includes ‘Cosh the Newsagent’, ‘Tag the Bus Stop’, ‘Pepper Spray the Kebab Shop Man’ and ‘Throw Chips at the Poor Old Woman on the Bus’.

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Out in Japan in a couple of weeks. Looks like the novelty of trying to point a cursor at a screen has finally worn off, hence the emergency alternate colour casing plan being put into action.

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ASSORTED ITALIAN DREAMCAST LOGOS

Things have been getting way too interesting around here, what with all the aspirational lifestyle images and youth-oriented product news.

So…

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“From my holiday in Cinque Terre, Italy.” – Chris.

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Thanks, Chris. This will shut everyone up for at least 72 hours.

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PSP LIFESTYLE PHOTO STOCK CLEARANCE #8

Oh yes. Still not done exposing Sony’s PSP photo back catalogue. Here’s a happy little domestic scene that is happening right now in ABSOLUTELY NO HOUSES anywhere in the entire world.

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Dad should be on his own in the shed watching rips of Top Gear, little Jimmy should be on his own up in his bedroom playing some licensed piece of SHIT he really, really wanted because of the TV advertising but now he’s played it for ten minutes and is already bored, or mum should be just on her own. Doing nothing but worrying. Poor mum.

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SECRET CODE BROADCAST FOR ALL YOU SPECIAL PEOPLE

You will know what this means if you’re a premium member and have received the introductory literature.

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See you at the place at the time. Found by a “Chris” who is either taking responsibility for (bad) or just a big fan of (much worse) this.

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SONY’S PSP FUN BUS ARRIVES AMID CHAOTIC CROWD SCENES

A man walked past it and looked at it. He may be thinking about going in to see if there’s any free bags or t-shirts. We’ll never know*. This is the most public attention the PSP software line up has had in three years. Welcome to the misery that is the Summer of PSP.

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More photos of the HEAVING CROWDS are available at Sony’s Flickr page. Some of the photos have more people in them, although some of the people are just using the free chairs for a nice sit down. Via VG247.

*He’s probably one of the organisers and this was taken while he was setting up for the day. We have to be a bit fair about things occasionally.

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EVACUATE THE CITIES

Particularly Bath. Burn that copy of “Girl Gamer” magazine, just to be on the safe side.

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Stolen from the Twitter feed of a brave young soul trapped inside the decaying office – yet still selflessly working away for YOUR entertainment. We shall be praying for you. We shall also be deleting this update in a hurry if anyone gets seriously ill.

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A MAN WHO LIKES TO DRAW SONIC THE HEDGEHOG ON HIS SHOES

His mum’s not going to be happy when she sees what he’s done to his brand new Nikes. Your dad had to sign forms in lots of council offices to get the money for these, you ungrateful monster.

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Taken from here, where the maker seems to be organising some sort of vote as to which one is “best”. How on earth did people decided which one of a thing was best before the internet came along?

HOW PEOPLE WORKED OUT WHICH THINGS WERE BEST BEFORE THE INTERNET CAME ALONG:

– LIVING THINGS: Set on fire. Last to die is best.

– DEAD THINGS: Throw in sea. Thing that floats for longest is best.

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“GIRL GAMER” MAGAZINE

Can someone pop a copy of this in the post, please?

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Or just scan the best photographs.

THE PROS AND CONS OF AIMING A MAG AT GIRLS

PROS

– You can reuse all the tired ideas that have been in games magazines for decades.

– Reader interaction.

– Lower expectations.

– No one will suggest doing a track-by-track guide for Gran Turismo 5.

CONS

– Having to explain everything.

– Someone will still have to write a guide for Final Fantasy XIII over a weekend using only the Japanese code.

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