Archive for November, 2009:

QUAKE MINUS ONE

The developers showed remarkable foresight in creating a game called “Quake Minus One” way back in 1985 for the Commodore 64. ZZap! magazine didn’t like it, though.

This update doesn’t work on any additional levels, sadly. It’s just a game called Quake Minus One we found somehow and thought was mildly interesting, due to there being a modern gaming series called “Quake.”

Found here and just stolen and resized a bit. Didn’t even bother renaming the files. Thanks, observant retro geeks.

A JOKE FOR YOU TO SAY IN THE COMMENTS
“I’m waiting for its sequel Quake Minus Two”

Comments (21)

EXCLUSIVE: A MAN HAS MADE A NEW 2D SONIC THE HEDGEHOG GAME

Get Sonic back to the top by collecting syringes while a MIDI version of ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’ plays in the background. Developed by Terrier Games, which is a man called “Karl”.

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MAKER’S DESCRIPTION: “Sonic starts off as an angsty, heroin-addicted wreck, living in an inner-city slum filled with graffiti and gangstas, while an inferior knock-off takes his place in a series of ever-crappier games. While waiting in line for his dole money one day, Sonic finally snaps and decides to put things right. The first few platforming levels involve getting out of the ghettos, collecting syringes to keep Sonic alive. Sonic eventually corners the modern-day Sonic Team, which turns into a giant robot. Having defeated the giant robot and thrown his clone out of a window, Sonic sets out for Tokyo, where he tracks down Yuji Naka and forces him to agree to make a new, good Sonic game. Sonic takes a detour through the mushroom kingdom to kill off Mario, before a final level set in the Green Hill Zone, where all order has been restored” – Karl.

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It comes as an executable PC file. We’ve run it and it’s legitimate. Get it here. Haven’t managed to get off the first level yet, though. It needs a bit of advanced playtesting and tweaking.

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That’s the game. It did only take “Karl” four days to make from start to finish. Last Friday he said he was thinking of making it – today it arrived in the inbox.

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We are currently #1 and #2 on the leaderboard.

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If you want to get in touch with “Karl” to discuss a multi-million pound licensing deal or to demand he stops abusing your intellectual property, contact us and we’ll forward the message. We don’t think Terrier Games has a blog yet.

THE PRESS RELEASE:

Sonic The Hedgehog

(c) Terrier Games

Sonic has fallen into a spiral of drug abuse and homelessness. He now lives under a bridge in Hull with a dipsomaniac Scotsman.

You need to help get Sonic back on his feet, and back to the top!

The game has 6 levels. 5 of these are platforming levels, and 1 level is a shooting level.

The arrow keys control Sonic in the platforming sections, and your gun in the shooting section. To fire your gun, press the SPACE bar.

In the first 3 platforming levels, Sonic needs to keep himself pumped up with Heroin. If he does not inject himself every 10 seconds, he will die!

During still cut-scenes, press the SPACE bar to progress.

The game is quite hard, but is completely possible.

Good luck, and thanks for playing!

Comments (5)

“WHEN THE GAME STARTED, THE WHOLE ROOM TURNED INTO A DANCE FLOOR WITH LOUD MUSIC AND HALF-NAKED HOT GIRLS”

Not the words of UKR, so we can’t get in trouble for posting this. They are the words of English Russia, which has got a whole load of photos of this rudeness, taken at a LAN gaming event that featured… strippers.

WARNING: The link contains some censored “tits out” shots and also some “LAN party” images, both of which might be embarrassing to have pulled out of your IT department’s log files at your next performance review.

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You can tell by her shoes she doesn’t belong there, and has in fact been paid to spend exactly one hour there. She’s got some trainers and tracksuit trousers in her bag to wear home. We know how they operate.

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The one on the left genuinely does not know what to do and is wishing she wasn’t there, or he was at home on his own watching a video of this all happen. Poor one on the left. The one on the right is thinking he does know what to do, and is trying to make it look like he knows what to do, just in case. Poor the one on the right. Poor everyone.

Comments (13)

THERE WAS A PHOTOGRAPHER IN ATTENDANCE AT THE DS CHRISTMAS CAROL / SUZANNE SHAW EVENT

But there was a terrible WARDROBE MALFUNCTION – Suzanne’s stupid period dress was too long to see her shoes, ankles or calves.

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We shouldn’t really give this sort shabby work the oxygen of publicity.

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Who on earth gets a celebrity in then puts them in clothes where you can’t see anything? We hate to demand sackings, but in this case there’s simply no other option.

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Suzanne Shaw must be really easy to hire.

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A few hundred quid for the afternoon and a taxi home?

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Maybe if we organise a whip-round.

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Everyone who contributes gets to stand next to her for 30 seconds. The largest donor gets to ask a question. That’s probably what happened here.

Comments (9)

ATTENTION ALL UNITS, INCOMING “RE-UP” ON THOSE TRAIN2GAME SALESMAN VIDEOS

Our brave investigative reporter has stuck his Train2Game cockney monkey salesman videos back online, now boasting a TRIPLE-REDUNDANT BACKUP that spreads the material across three separate video-sharing sites.

Lovely proof that when you force people to delete ONE thing off the internet, THREE new versions of it pop up to take its place, because people on the internet have more combined spare time than any one company.

OPENING PREAMBLE
“I see you are now at war with Train2Game so I thought now would be a good time to upload my Train2Game YouTube videos again. So should you feel the need to post links to them in the upcoming war they are here.”

Youtube:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

“Now I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking ‘That’s all well and good, but those swines will just have them taken down again’. And yes, you’re right, they probably will ask YouTube to take them down again – but this time they are going to have to take them off Yahoo Video too!”

Yahoo Video:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

“And if they take them down from both Youtube and Yahoo then they’ll have to take them off from Veoh.com as well!”

Veoh:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3


Watch Train 2 Game sales pitch part 3 in News |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

“So bollocks to Train2Game, by the time they get down the list to Veoh, I’ll be uploading them back to YouTube!” – Cadet S.

Comments (16)