Archive for November, 2009:

PUDSEY GETS IN THERE AGAIN FOR THE BENEFIT OF POPCAP GAMES

The big bear is proving a hot draw. It’s not fair the way women like hairy men. If you shave him, he’ll be just like one of us. He’s nothing special. Touch us. Cuddle us. Go on. It’s for charity. Let us look at your bottom for charity.

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Literally no idea who that is. The press release says she’s called “Charlie Webster”. That means nothing. She may as well be called BLONDE PERSON 56873.

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Recognise this pair. They were manning Till #3 and Till #4 in our local Woolworths, until it closed. The one on the right always had to ask the one on the left for permission to sell us vodka.

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And there are some photos of men. If you want them discreetly forwarding let us know. Here’s the press release and some charity links, so we feel less guilty about misappropriating these charitable images.

‘Game’ celebrities raise bus-load of cash for charity

PopCap Celebrity Play-offs score £7,000 for BBC Children in Need

Famous British faces up and down the country got their game on in the ‘PopCap Celebrity Play-Offs’ recently, to raise a whopping £7,000 for BBC Children In Need…and counting!

The national tour, organised by PopCap.com, was launched in London by singer-turned-celebrity-chef Liz McClarnon and travelled to Welcome Break locations across the UK. BBC Children in Need’s Pudsey Bear was joined each day by celebrities from the local area who challenged the public to climb aboard the bus and beat their top score on PopCap’s latest game Zuma’s Revenge! Hundreds of children (and their mums, dads, and even grans) hopped on board to play the game and try their best to beat the celeb!

The ‘PopCap Celebrity Play-Offs’ national tour kicked-off on Monday 26 October in Bristol with Casualty actor James Redmond, followed by Birmingham with CBBC presenters Sam & Mark. The tour then moved to Keele with Big Brother’s Sam and Amanda, Leicester with snooker player Mark Selby (AKA the ‘Jester from Leicester’), Sheffield with TV presenter Charlie Webster and Huddersfield with Emmerdale actor James Hooton, coming to a final stop in Chorley on Sunday 1 November 2009.

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THIS IS ONE OF THOSE “REMIXES” THAT IS SO POPULAR WITH THE YOUTHS

A man who wishes only to be known as “G” sent this in.

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It’s quite good and a much better way to end the week than the thing about Square Enix down below. We are particularly enjoying the cloning work on the floor.

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And another one, from “Pingus”, who said it was better in his imagination. As is anything to do with women. Nice attention to detail around the mouth hole.

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MAN HAPPY THAT “360” IS MENTIONED ON PLAYSTATION NETWORK

A bit of a blip in the copy editing department has Square Enix boasting about the Xbox 360 version of some nonsense game it’s making on PlayStation Network. This made the man so happy he had to take two photos of his screen.

At least he’s not kneeling in front of the TV at 7.30am trying to take a photo of Kate Garraway uncrossing her legs.

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“We have good news from the front. We have managed to infiltrate enemy lines, modifying ‘PSN’ one download at a time, to bring glory to the cause. The reconnaissance photos are of poor quality, but the mission was fraught with difficulty. We lost some good men out there; Squiffy, Dabbers and Little Dribbler. But their efforts were not in vain” – Private Jarvis.

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Private Jarvis had made the error of thinking we want any particular side to “win” this war. A complete loss for everyone and the destruction of everything and a return to grass-roots wooden hobbies is the only end game we want to see.

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YEAH! GO ON! SMASH HER HEAD IN!

Smash her! Right in the head! YEAH! Really hurt her!

Really hurt her. Really. Go on. Draw blood.

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Can only find reference to the existence of these shots on Spong, so a stolen, medium-resolution branded Spong shot it is. Sorry.

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SEGA’S “HI-TECH LAND” HAS CLOSED :(

On the positive side, a man found the most INCREDIBLY GAY Sonic-branded leather jacket imaginable. If you were Mark Owen, in the year 1995, you might’ve been able to get away with wearing this in a Take That video.

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“Hello again. I was the guy who made that Sega Arcade in Tokyo update. I have more hot Sega action, even though I’m back in the States.”

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“This jacket had been on the rack at a store in Harajuku for about three months when I went there in August. I’m pretty sure it’s still there. I’m not going to apologize for not buying it, but keep in mind I weigh 50 kilos and look how badly it fits me. Also, I’m not going to apologize for the pictures being blurry because I didn’t take them. I’m sure you can still buy it (it’s one of a kind I’m sure) and say it’s for your girlfriend.”

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“I also went back to the arcade from the original update and found it condemned” – Rudie.

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At least it gave the world an exciting vision of the sort of fonts we may see on our buildings in some possible future.

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SEGA OF AMERICA OFFERS PHOTOS OF OUTDOOR TYPES

Spotted by SEGA US Flickr Account Monitor “Anne”. They are to celebrate Vancouver 2010, the spiritual successor to Winter Heat.

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Sorry to have to break this to you, Anne, but we’re going to have to let you go. As part of an internal UKR systems modernisation programme, we have finally learned how to use RSS feeds and now get auto-alerted when SEGA puts a photo on its Flickr pages. Sorry, Anne, it’s the recession. And progress.

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The top one is called Lindsey Vonn. This one is Matt something. Matt Trousers. Matt Attitude. Something like that. Doesn’t really matter.

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That’s what this is all for.

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TERRIER GAMES ANNOUNCES SONIC THE HEDGEHOG V2.0

Rapidly emerging UK developer Terrier Games has listened to you, the consumer, and made a number of key changes to that Sonic game it released late last week. Youths will be pleased to hear that a “skyboarding” level has been lovingly crafted in the space of several hours, while old men who just can’t be bothered any more will be happy that it is now a bit easier.

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“I have reworked the difficulty, changed a background and generally spruced things up. I have also added an extra level, where Sonic goes skyboarding. I’m a bit like Codemasters, only less of a cunt and I don’t charge for DLC that fixes things that shouldn’t have been broken in the first place” – Terrier Games.

CHANGE LIST:
- Increased the time limit for Sonic smacking himself up to 15 seconds.
– Put more syringes in the first few levels.
– Removed some of the enemies.
– Put some more extra lives in.
– Got rid of the awful, awful background to level two that hurt my eyes.
– Added an extra level, where Sonic skyboards into Tokyo from a helicopter.

DOWNLOAD IT:
From here.

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HIGH-RESOLUTION PHOTOS OF “THE SATURDAYS” PLAYING “BAND HERO” FOR MONEY AND THE PRECIOUS OXYGEN OF PUBLICITY

They are girls, they are near a game. We are allowed, so let’s go.

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We have reached the age where women like this all look the same. That could be the new Sugababes for all we know. Or they could be the new Blue Peter presenters. They all have the same faces painted on them and do the same wide-eyed, trying-to-be-sexy-but-not-too-sexy expressions.

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The best thing Girls Aloud did was put the odd ginger one in, so you could at least tell Girls Aloud apart from all the other products which feature same-women dancing in a line.

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They play all their own instruments. Incidentally, if you are involved in the “live blogging” of X Factor in any way, you are a bit of an idiot. You used to be able to avoid shit telly by not watching it – now you can’t even retreat to the internet without getting bombarded by commentary on Simon Cowell’s 90-minute TV commercial for his bands. If you watch X Factor, you’re getting excited about an advert, basically.

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BAND HERO: No thanks, it’s just another plastic toy for people that weren’t good enough at games to like Frequency.

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STOP WHATEVER THE INTERNET EQUIVALENT OF A PRESS IS – NEW DAYTONA USA (SEGA RACING CLASSIC) IN-ACTION VIDEOS

This can’t be right. It looks exactly the same. That’s not the idea of it, is it? To make a new thing exactly the same as an old thing?

Have they really spent lots of time and effort making something that looks exactly the same as the old game? Is it just so SEGA has got something to sell to replace all the disintegrating old Daytona USA machines?

Found on some French site by a man who might be called “dash” or “2001” as it was quite hard to tell from his email address.

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“… AND PUT A GUITAR ON THE SOFA”

For the love of god. Are we really meant to believe that our SHOE-COVERED FEET are capable of playing a video game with anything like the same level of precision and satisfaction as our fingers?

When will it END?

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At least they’re “keeping it a bit real” by plugging the stupid console in.

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