Bollocks :(

From Next, here. Imagine how great it would be to be between 3-12 years again and not be burdened with the need to always say something ironic in a caption beneath every photograph.

The slippers appear surprisingly comfortable and well crafted.

They’re embedded on the Sonic 4 site, so here’s a screen capture of just the one. It’s too late in the day to go writing captions for eight screenshots taken within 30 seconds of each other in the same level – ARE WE RIGHT PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO WRITE CAPTIONS FOR A LIVING?

Turn your speakers off if you’re going to click on that link. It’s a noisy bloody site. People will think you’re playing games instead of merely looking at them – an important distinction in many industrial tribunals.

If you can’t be bothered to flesh out the sign for your own business, you obviously haven’t got the mental strength to make it a success.

“Here’s a photo of Megagames in Morecambe. It says they buy and sell ‘Saturns etc’ but as they appear to have closed down I couldn’t check. Perhaps they were unable to keep up with demand?” – Paul, Lancaster.

We got sent this photo of some bananas. Several times. We suspect (well, KNOW) it’s a promotional activity from SEGA, but the submitter seems to be suggesting he just happened to spot them on some bananas in his kitchen.

We replied asking “Are they promotional SEGA bananas you got from SEGA?” and he replied sending another photo taken at a higher resolution. So here it is. We’ll probably never get to the bottom of this.

“Some game with some kind of animal from some weird company published on that strange white thing that I found out about when I was about to eat a banana. As you can see those bananas spent some time at my kitchen and I only noticed now that there is…(insert previous sentence)” – Dmitry.

UPDATE: BANANAS CONFIRMED AS “REAL”
“The Monkey Ball stickers on Dole bananas are a real thing. My girlfriend was cooking dinner last night and I saw one on a freshly purchased bunch from the Safeway in Redmond, Washington. I wanted to jump up and down and say “AHHH MONKEY BALL!!! I LOVE SEGA” and start singing one of the raps from Metropolis Street Racer but managed to contain myself. I think the banana was significantly more delicious than other non-SEGA-branded bananas though” – Colin.

“Stand up and show them you’re perfectly normal”

Taken from the Daily Mail. Link submitted by DAILY MAIL READER ‘DAILY’ DAN. Can anyone track down that t-shirt via an online retailer?

OK, so we’re going through a demotivated phase. Hopefully Sony will do something stupid tonight and we’ll be all excited again. Until then…

“Recently I came across this photo which my girlfriend took whilst travel ling through Pisa. As you can see from the photos – this is clearly the new Dreamcast flagship store, which must be opening up sometime soon.”

“Included is a close up of the store’s sign for your titillation” – Paul.

Has nothing to do with Sonic. It’s like when we used to think it was funny to put up photographs of Carol Vorderman or Anna Kournikova. It just doesn’t make any sense.

“I was walking to work the other day when I came across these posters on two successive newspaper boxes. Obviously someone is promoting the Kings and Queens mash up featuring DJ Quinces pretty heavily. I’m not entirely sure what the event is although I know Buddies in Bad Times Theatre is the home for ‘Queer Theatre’ in Toronto so I assume the event is, at the very least, a bit gay. I’m also not familiar with DJ Quinces. For all I know he/she may be a student DJ and therefore not even a real DJ. It’s also unclear how Sonic is involved” – James.

Perhaps “Buddies in Bad Times” refers to the current gaming malaise in which Sonic and friends currently fester, hence the use of the art?

Is this common knowledge yet? Have you 50 emails telling you about it in the last two days, one even from your dad?

Sent in by “Prison Hardman” who was generous enough to email it in, rather than boosting his own personal “rep” by spunking it away in the comments section.

Here’s one of those updates where it’s, what… 12.04pm? And we haven’t got anything else to do today so it’s EMAIL INBOX LUCKY DIP time.

The winner of EMAIL INBOX LUCKY DIP for today is game maker “Thor” who has made this odd little online game based around PlayStation3 “groundbreaking” “interactive movie” Heavy Rain. Or so he says. We cannot verify that fact for obvious reasons.

It’s called Press X to Jason.

Would anyone like to collaborate on making a game called “Imagine: Blogger”? We have already scripted out most of the cut-scenes.

In the game, you press ‘X’ to ask people if they are Jason. This quickly becomes monotonous and the replayability score is therefore 4/10. The graphics are mostly 2D and therefore it only gets 2/10 for visualability. Soundplay is 3/10.

As ever, the online scoreboard is riddled with cheats.

Hopefully this is just the stylish Japanese PlayStation Move photography, and Sony Europe is, at this very moment, renting a recently modernised converted riverside loft-style apartment and thumbing through brochures of models for the EMEA LIFESTYLE shoot.

Nice disclaimer. Big, readable text. Wouldn’t want to go issuing press shots that turn out to be COMPLETE LIES again, eh?

Of course, you can also play it while sitting down, occasionally flicking your wrist with disinterest.

That looks like fun. It’s like waving your arms about. Whenever we start to feel a bit bored, there’s nothing we like more than standing up and flailing our arms about for 20 minutes.

PLAN: Knuckle down and ignore all games for the next five years.