What could possibly go wrong with a game called “2 Finger Heroes”?

More from the maker on GAF.

Coming to both “big” consoles via their online shops, soon. Screenshots here (three days ago).

We’re considering Afterburner Climax the final death-twitch of SEGA Japan. What’s left to come that’s good after this?

May have been at this event. May have taken photographs of those blonde womens’ bottoms. May have drunk loads and actually enjoyed being there. Such was life in 2003, back when people still had budgets to put on nice parties to promote clearly terrible games.

A lady wrestler gets pretty aggressively “spine-bustered” over someone’s knee at the 1:46 mark, if you’re wavering about investing the time to watch it…

“It’s got violence and some girls in shorts and t-shirts and it’s about an old game, might just be what your readers want” – Christophe.

Not for the first time, this is not as good at it initially sounds.

Wouldn’t even go up your bottom. 3/10.

A man got in touch. He said in return for us linking to some sort of flash gaming site he does, he could provide us with some photographs he took of SEGA products currently on sale in Argentina.

We said yes to that.

What on earth is a DYNACOM? A fake SEGA portable that runs Mega Drive carts? Looking it up would ruin the exciting mystery.

You can also buy official ones from new. Looks like SEGA is still trying to empty out various warehouses of unsold consoles it made back during the glory fortnight.

We are moving to Venezuela, or at least going to try and locate a bulletproof web server based in the glorious South American socialist republic.

We’re also hearing rumours today that Silvio Berlusconi had a go on Carla’s Wii and thought it was a bit rubbish and couldn’t see the attraction. More on that as it breaks throughout the day. Thanks to comment-leaver “Trilby” for the link.

Mainstream catalogue retailer Marshall Ward is knocking out this painful piece of mid-1990s-style costumery, for the benefit of grown men with emotional issues for whom Sonic is an escape pod back through time to when it was mum that had to worry about paying the mortgage. This was found by popular late-2000s casual UKR labourer “Phorenzik”. We’re not suggesting he’s that target buyer.

The padded hands are admittedly a masterstroke that give it an extra edge of realism, but nothing else works on any level – not even on the unseen ultraviolet and infrared levels.

It is unsurprisingly (a) still in stock, and (b) made out of polyester.

It has to be made out of polyester, because cotton is too thick and heavy for the speeds Sonic runs at!!!

Marshal Ward thinks buyers may also like Snow White and Robocop, and to be fair, we’ve just briefly had a go at imagining having sex with Snow White while dressed as Robocop and it actually works as a scenario*.

See? There’s easy penis access there between the leg plates, so you wouldn’t have to worry about going flaccid while Snow White’s trying to fight you off.

ROBOCOP/SNOW WHITE POSSIBLE SEX SCENARIO:
You went to a fancy dress party as Robocop, then you and Snow White started chatting and laughing at the retard who came as Sonic and has been sitting there on his own for the last two hours not saying anything to anyone. Then you managed to get her to lose count of how much she had to drink and carried her to the toilet when she thought she was going to be sick but then she WASN’T sick and brief sex happened.

Then she asked you what you name was afterwards, and you looked at her, then triumphantly said “MURPHY!”. But then, the next day, you realised you should’ve given her your real name or your mobile phone number, as there’s no way she’ll be able to contact you and her friends won’t remember there even being anyone called “Murphy” at the party. So you’ll die alone.

A man sent this in, which is ALLEGEDLY a photo of some Sonic-branded pyjamas he spotted in UK high street retail chain New Look. Can anyone with a camera handy pop into New Look and confirm? We need a bit more detail to confirm size and scale, and if they’re boy or girl pyjamas.

“Here’s a fairly crappy shot of some Sonic flavoured PJs spotted in New Look (or ‘Ooh Look’ as no one calls it). I also sent in the picture of an actual man with a Sega bag at a Scottish festival which it only took a year after sending it to appear on the site. I look forward to a Sonic Jim Jams update early in 2011″ – Robbie.

UPDATE:
Never mind, here they are!

They are pyjamas for men. Although it remains possible that some girls might be sleeping in them tonight, or, more likely, queuing up at the RETURNS desk of their local New Look with them so they can buying something they actually like that fits instead.

Found these while, to be honest, looking for something EXACTLY like these. We are quite excited about the Bayonetta sexy cosplay scene kicking into life. It’s like 1980s glamour porn is BACK.

These were on the Flickr page of something called GamerGirls. Couldn’t determine what GamerGirls is, though. Probably a blog using one of the default pink themes with lots of men leaving enthusiastic comments beneath their mundane opinions about old games their brothers used to play.

The photos were also tagged “Playboy” and we’ve no idea if that means they’re “out of” Playboy or if that’s just wishful thinking on the part of these ladies. And no offense, Chernise, but you’re more ‘Men Only’ or ’40 Plus’.

Maybe one of them will leave a comment explaining the shoot?

Then we can all terrify her and make her go away, probably within 30 minutes of her signing up.

Anyway. Bayonetta’s out soon or maybe even out now. No idea. People are talking about it on the internet, so it must be near.

This ludicrous internet reveal about who’s NOT going to be in “Project Needlemouse” is quite possibly the most tedious thing SEGA’s done, at least since someone at Sonic Team watched “Pulp Fiction” for the 20th time and decided it would be cool to do a game about a black hedgehog who runs around with a gun.

Just say who it is, then we’ll pretend to be excited, then you send us the game, then we’ll pretend it’s good. The same old MERRY-GO-ROUND OF FALSE PRETENCE.