If your birth name is “Nino” you shouldn’t go making things even harder for the poor call centre employee by then insisting you’re sometimes called “Doo Dew” as well. English isn’t her first language, so she won’t know if she’s supposed to call you “Mr Nino” or “Mr Dew”.

And the call’s being recorded. She’ll be sacked if it’s pulled up for a random QA check.

Sent in by lapsed and presumed missing reader “Phorenzik” who is thankfully still alive. Although the strange email formatting suggests the message was sent on a borrowed prison mobile, or is perhaps being kept alive artificially and using hospital internet.

TRACKLISTING:

01. Seg’s Theme
02. Boss Theme
03. MK Theme
04. Tetris Theme
05. MIss U
06. Reel Luv
07. My Luv Is The Ish
08. Believe In Luv
09. Shorty Get Down
10. No Cruelty
11. New Jack Dream
12. Tic Toc
13. Philly Clear Throat
14. Everybody Handz UP
15. Hell Fuk Yeah
16. Philassippi Slide
17. Uptown Juice
18. U Bad Sista Break
19. Seg’s Break
20. Off The Break
21. MJ Break
22. I’m Black
23. Cops Theme
24. Seg’s Power
25. Mighty Morphin Theme
26. MK II
27. Bill Nye’s Theme
28. Reminisce

You can hear DJ Sega’s “music” on streaming service The Hype Machine, if you’re interested or so bored you fancy at least pretending to be interested for five minutes. He seems to specialise in that thing where you play two records at the same time over the top of each other.

Is the maker attempting to create something ironically bad? Something so bad it gets laughed at all over the internet and becomes a must-have among ironic classes and he, therefore, becomes rich enough not to care?

It’s not even BIG. If it was BIG you might at least feel like you’re getting your money’s worth. And RED TEETH? Has Sonic been FEASTING?

It’s not bad for five dollars, plus four dollars shipping, mind. We’ve imported worse Sonic-branded rubbish for more than that in the past. Spotted at online tat portal Etsy by a reader that’s probably a woman.

DESCRIPTION:
“This painting is acrylic paint on a 3″ by 3” canvas on a frame. It is my design of a Sonic the Hedgehog from the Sega video games. Sonic is all about speed and nothing else. This painting is one of a kind. There will be no copies of this paintin available. I am always making more creature paintings all with different monsters and creatures doing different things.

“Will look good on any wall space or because of its size just hanging out in any nook or cranny of your place of residence. Enjoy its creepy colors when you look at this creature from out of this world.

“SEGA!”

Is it OK with everyone if we turn this site into a site that looks at things on Etsy for a few weeks?

Here’s another image we’ve had sitting around for ages.

It’s not laziness that’s been stopping us using this one. It’s the fact that every time we open it and look at it we get so sad and angry we have to go outside and kick a fence post for an hour until one of the neighbours comes out to ask if we’re OK. We tell them we’ve been looking at the Hasbro image again, and they understand.

Here’s another embarrassingly old update fashioned out of things we’ve got lying about the desktop. These photos have been sitting in a zip file since August of 2008.

Here is the visual proof, along with a small glimpse of the current UKR desktop image.

We think you all realise we have neither the inclination or technical know-how to fake such data.

Anyway, this is what it’s all about – that ZIP file is full of SEGA post card pictures. Sent in by someone we’ve forgotten the name of. They probably stopped reading during the “Spiral Period” of early 2009.

And that’s the answer to today’s quiz question.

Sorry, the person who sent these in. You went to a lot of effort with the lovely background.

We have a SEGA Xtreme dream! It involves… you can probably guess. Cream, Ulala, possibly Richard Jacques if we’ve had a lot to drink, and bottoms that don’t stop hurting for at least three days. And sofa cushions that require professional cleaning afterwards. And so much lube it leaked through the floor to the flat below.

That’s the EXIF data. The sender-inner is/was using a Lumix TZ3.

A man sent this in about a year ago. He promised more photos and some explanatory text would also be forthcoming, but nothing has arrived as of yet.

We therefore have no option but to “run with it” now, as it’s about the time of year when a man’s thoughts turn to organising his icons and tidying up his desktop as a reason to not have to go to family engagements.

A man risked losing face with his wife and members of the public by taking photographs of a work-in-progress SEGA installation that’s being set up in the Bluewater shopping centre. SEGA, meanwhile, is risking losing face by copying one of Sony’s most ridiculous claims – FOUR DIMENSIONAL ENTERTAINMENT.

“Imagine my surprise when I actually went out one night to Bluewater with the wife. Sega have a 4D motion ride that was being assembled.”

“Ignore the quality of the photos, the camera on my Sony X1 has the focusing ability of a man with cataracts.”

“Thought you might like to see the stand. I’m still fuming about the Saturn and Dreamcast and don’t need to see this shit” – Rusebke.

The UK Christmas games chart. Very depressing. There’s nothing in here that makes us want to remember where the charger cable for anything is. It’s the same games as last year only in marginally redesigned boxes.

Games are pretty much dead. Sooner or later someone important’s going to realise this and say something in public, and there’s going to be HELL to pay.

1: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
2: FIFA 10
3: Wii Fit Plus
4: Wii Sports Resort
5: Assassin’s Creed II
6: Mario & Sonic At The Winter Olympic Games
7: New Super Mario Bros. Wii
8: Forza Motorsport 3
9: Mario Kart Wii
10: Just Dance

The only vaguely different game in there is, ironically, from Ubisoft, in the form of Just Dance.

Ubisoft, champion of originality – THAT’S how far we have fallen.

SEGA’s Flickr Maintenance Man has uploaded a photo of the company’s in-house Christmas tree. We hereby offer to do the job of SEGA Flickr Maintenance Man for HALF the salary being paid to the current incumbent.

Looks like everyone’s getting boxed PAL Dreamcast Arcade Sticks again this year.

An ice shuffle. A nice shuffle. A wank. Have a wank while thinking about SEGA. Warm your ‘mouse hand’ up fist, though, else it’ll shrivel away to nothing.

“SEGA has made a new game that anyone with a PC can play! A ‘Virtual Curling’ game would probably suck but SEGA has taken the ‘idea’ of curling and made Ice Shuffle – a fun puzzle game!” – Scott.

Couldn’t be bothered playing a whole game through to the end, but you might not be so jaded and miserable that it could be of some entertainment to you. The music sounds nice on a loop in the background, we’ll give it that.

OK, so it was only on a modern derivative of Channel Five so hardly counts as proper telly, but still. Two hours of men presenting awards to other men and categories like “Best Voice” hardly make for a riveting evening, or convince us that games are any better at being mainstream entertainment than they were 20 years ago.

But we stuck with it for 40 minutes to enjoy the specialist footwear.