A reader found these. They are of light/mild interest because that blotchy, bruised skin is supposedly the skin of a lady. No idea what part of a lady, so you’ll have to invent the scene in which she slowly reveals them to you in your own minds.

“I was doing some Level 3 stalking of some woman I saw on a dating web site and found these pictures and I thought I would be a good idea to send them to you. I need to go and cry myself to sleep while watching my train set go around like a record” – Jim.

No idea what part that might be. It bulges out like it might be a bit of poorly-maintained side, and that may be a waistband bottom-left – but it’s tough to really narrow it down. Could be a monstrous arm, for example.

A whole new generation of awkward children is being prepared to take our place! If we lock this boy in a bedroom for the next 14 years and feed him on toast, television and late-night free-to-air soft pornography, he may emerge as the next new UKR guest contributor.

“I was whiling away the time watching BBC Three’s magnificent hard-hitting reality drama Young Hairdresser of the Year, vaguely masturbating to several contestants while trying not to be put off by the Vernon Kay wannabe host, when suddenly my eye was caught by the sight of a small child. Before we all rush to call the police to my house, have a very careful look at the boy’s shirt”.

“I suspect that the roughly 4 seconds of airtime enjoyed by said shirt may be the most exposure Sonic has had on national television since 1927, and I have a very good grasp of time and other things like that” – Joseph.

If the fabric is rockin’ don’t come a-knockin’ – I’m rocking backwards and forwards in my van because I’ve just lost all my savings on the stock market and got made redundant last month, although I am still leaving the house at 7.55am every day so it looks like I still have a job.

Spotted by a “Darren” who concocted the sort of half-baked LIE we would expect to hear from a person called Darren.

“Me and my pals are hoping to make it all the way to E3 in America to see the official launch of the rocking new Dreamcast console. We reckon it will beat the new ‘funstation’, or what ever it’s called from Sony. What does Sony know about gaming anyway, it makes video players! I thought I would send you a picture of our awesome van we are using. We customized it special, hope you like it” – Darren.

We seem to have become some sort of focal point for Dreamcast developers, probably because we’re one of the few sites so clearly desperate for content and incredibly unaware of “SEO” and current internet trends we’re prepared to mention “Dreamcast” in this day and age.

So here, to help UKR move a few pages further down the Google page rankings, is Irides: Master of Blocks.

The nice man from the publisher who sent us the information didn’t say if he had acquired licensing rights to the Lumines series or not.

They’re releasing a limited edition version that only consists of 144 copies. No one does “limited” like Dreamcast publishers. The maker/publisher has an extremely minimal web site here, if you want to know more.

This takes us back to when we used to like Lumines. Still like Lumines. Lumines and DS Animal Crossing mark the “Peak Gaming” period of modern mankind. It has all been downhill since.

Here’s the press release. They have resorted to saying the game is easy to learn yet tough to master. We are available for hire at competitive freelance rates to “jazz up” press releases if you’re struggling.

Dreamcast Title Irides: Master of Blocks standard and Limited Edition set for release on “Blocks Day” 12/12

Irides: Master of Blocks is an incredible puzzler game where the player has to match blocks of similar colors together to eliminate them, score points and create combos. The faster that the blocks are connected and the more blocks there are, the better the score when they are eliminated! Just like all of the great classic puzzle games, Irides: Master of Blocks is an easy concept, but one that is tough to master!

Irides: Master of Blocks contains over 30 levels of content, challenging players with different Power Blocks to either assist or hamper your progression through the game. Players can also attempt to become the Master of Blocks with a friend in Co-Op mode, progressing through the game with both players playing in the same playfield. A two-to-four player multiplayer mode allows players to face off against friends or foes to see who is the true Master of Blocks! Friends not around to play? Submit scores online to see who the best in the universe at smashing blocks is!

[Read the rest of this entry…]

The man who makes them says he’s struggling to meet demand, so this has probably already been on Kotaku for the last 72 hours.

But just in case it hasn’t. Sent in by “GigerPunk” who really ought to get a blog of his own rather than writing the UKR/Extra-Last network all by himself.

She doesn’t mind a few bumps and bruises, so would fit in well around here.

Found here by a “Ricky Dee” who apologises if it’s old. She’s only 19, so it can’t be that old. We have underpants older than Miss Fairweather.

One of those new-wave blogs that exists to laugh at the brave work of the everyday man/child has dug up this sensational pair of papier mache creations. One of which you may be able to recognise, although we’d need its dental records to be 100 percent sure.

Discovered by a person called “Art”.

Those are actual human eyes.

Cosplaying fan fiction artwork. It doesn’t get any more niche than this without there being penises and harnesses involved.

No idea how she got her head through that top. Must’ve been sewn into it. And those headphones must be custom built. Found on the internet by “Snozzeltoff” who said he was innocently “looking for a Space Channel 5 avatar picture”.

Their words, not ours. Although it does have a good ring to it. We’ll save it to use next year and claim as our own.

We’re not doing this out of any sort of charitable feeling or ambition, in case you were wondering. It’s just “content”. Everything is just “content”. And if we upload this one they might trust us with the Liz McClarnon one, in which you may be able to see her shoes.

What use is a photograph of Pixie Lott doing something games-related that only comes at 450 x 300? No use at all. They won’t get any free publicity out of this.

Usually when we see scenes like this all the men are aggressively wanking themselves erect in preparation for their turn. They probably still are, only very subtly.

THE DEPRESSING REAL-LIFE QUOTE:
Pixie’s new video is a world first, which sees her perform her number one single ‘Mama Do’ as a duet with her virtual self in English and Simlish (Simlish being the language the characters speak in the game).

Pixie’s Simlish recording of ‘Mama Do’ appears in the new videogame, The Sims 3 World Adventures, which allows players to take their Sims to famous real-world inspired destinations to conquer challenges, find treasures, discover what’s lurking in hidden caves, and much more with the first ever Sims adventure gameplay. They’ll be able to tune into Pixie’s track whenever they want too.

Pixie Lott said, “I think it’s really cool to have a song play on the radio, on TV and now in The Sims 3 World Adventures! You can go over to a radio in the game, and select to play the Simlish version of my song ‘Mama Do’, and even better you can take that radio with you anywhere you go within the game and hear my Simlish song. I think it’s funny that people will be listening to my tune while they are exploring tombs in Egypt!”