A girl shockingly developed SORE HANDS after playing lots of games. These mysterious “sores” healed after not playing games for a while.

It must be serious, it’s on the BBC.

Utter nonsense. But if it disrespects PlayStation in any way we’re prepared to feign outrage and sign petitions. Sony must axe that SICK DISEASE-CAUSING MACHINE.

Which is all the justification we need.

No idea who she is. Her name’s Phoebe Price. Still don’t know who she is, though. We’re out of touch with Street Fighter, but surely graphics aren’t this good yet?

EXHIBIT A: The high. A man called Dan Bull doing a superb Streets-style history of video gaming via the medium of rap music. We DEMAND the offices of THE NATION ring out to this today.

SENT IN BY:
“Zeek” and “Freshnut Promotions” who have the time to find stuff like this. The latter probably because it’s their job.

A VERSE ABOUT SATURN AND DREAMCAST WE’VE JUST WRITTEN
You can use this for free in a remix, if you’re reading this, Dan.

It’s 1997 then.
I stop masturbating over FHM and pick up a magazine called SSM.

That’s SEGA Saturn Magazine, the world’s greatest gaming fanzine.
Devoted to SEGA while completely ignoring the burgeoning PlayStation scene.

I chipped my Saturn at great expense, my Sony-loving friends thought it didn’t make sense.

“What you doin wiv that Saturn? You wanna bin it! Sony’s got all the best games on it, innit!

They don’t know that Saturn is where the fun starts – and lasts and lasts and lasts. In fact, SEGA Saturn is better than the sum of all PlayStations component parts.

Then came Dreamcast.

Oh my god. Sega Rally 2. The NTSC version as the PAL conversion was poo.
Easy left, baby! K-right! Slow down! I’m crying with happiness so much that I might drown if I lie down!

I buy Japanese games for sixty a pop quid from dodgy import shops.
I know it’s a waste of money but I just can’t stop.

They’ll be out in the UK eventually.
But waiting three months for Jet Set Radio doesn’t make much sense to me.

I’ve got to have the games immediately.
I don’t care if they’re in Japanese, I’ll just have to work their controls remedially.

My VMU batteries have died, but it still saves my game.
Between me and you, that’s the sort of bravery we associate with the Dreamcast name.

Oh yes. We’re supposed to be having a new logo – perhaps even as soon as this year! Here are a few more ideas we’ve had sent in. This was the first batch.

If you have any ideas, send them in. We are still open and ready. The email address for sending them in is ukresistance@hotmail.com as you well know. Don’t go acting all cool like you can’t remember our email address.

Probably a joke entry.

Probably a joke entry.

Hopefully a joke entry.

This one’s nice. We would particularly like to receive more logo ideas from people that ARE ANY GOOD and are TAKING IT SERIOUSLY.

Serious entry.

Probably serious. Very artistic.

That’s not going to fit, is it? Look at the shape of hole it’s got to go in. Use some COMMON SENSE, MAN.

We’ll have to contact Richard (yay!) and ask him how much we can buy the official rights to his likeness for.

So yes, very nice. None leap out as something we’ll be able to bear looking at 50 times a day for the next five years, though.

We haven’t played Twisted Metal or God of War. So we’re level.

Taken from Jaffe’s Twitter thing. If you’re wondering, UKR does sort of have a Twitter thing – a reader who knows about all the things the young people are into signed it up ages ago before it was cool and turned it into a posts feed.

ABOUT THE UKR “TWITTER THING”
It’s not us. It’s not done by us and we’re not in charge of it. So if it turns into a gay porn highlights reel tomorrow don’t come crying back here with your tales of ripped arseholes.

It is quite a coincidence that T3 and Microsoft have tracked down the UK’s “hottest Halo fan” a mere week before the release of Halo Wars.

It’s also quite a coincidence that she’s got her own promotional Halo Wars vest top, plus the MAIN FOCUS of her Halo love seems to be Halo Wars which isn’t even out yet.

“Those have to be the hottest promo shots I’ve ever seen. A sexy brunette, cute little hot pants and a Halo Wars top – sexy as fuck. I pretty much creamed when I saw the pictures of her ironing and making tea. It’s where the woman belongs” – Mike.

Her “bedroom” also seems lacking in the usual accoutrements we’ve come to associate with the bedrooms of girls (from seeing them on television home makeover shows).

It helps if you look at the screen. The screen tells you what’s happening. It’s not enough to just hold the controller and have the console turned on. That’s not playing.

But still. It’s vaguely relevant and is of a girl. Here are some facts about Amanda which you can use to convince your mum & dad you have a girlfriend.

About Amanda:

Amanda Johnstone is 25 years old, lives in South London and runs her own event management company. She spends a lot of time away from home however when at home she likes nothing more than being snuggled up in bed with her Xbox controller, playing Halo to help take her away from her daily stresses.

Her good friend Sam introduced Amanda to the world of Halo 7 years ago when he launched his ‘Halo club’ nights at The Cross (Kings Cross, London) which all began as part of his passion for the game. She worked the door for three years and was also used as the ‘face’ to advertise the night. As she spent more time with Sam some of his infatuation with the game started rubbing off on her.

Amanda became more and more into Halo and was spending more of her evenings with the covenant as Master Chief, trying to save the world. This became an obsession, to a point where not only was she playing until the early hours of the morning on most nights over Xbox LIVE but started collecting Halo merchandise – from themed mugs and posters through to bags and figurines. She even sleeps with Master Chief every night under her Halo duvet cover and pillow case set.

Amanda’s obsession doesn’t stop here as she recently got herself a little pet Chihuahua and named him ‘Chiefy’.

In 2007 she was also lucky enough to win tickets to attend the launch of Halo 3 where she walked the red carpet with Master Chief, Pharrell Williams, Christian Slater amongst other celebs.

“I have so much fun playing Halo and absolutely love getting on Xbox LIVE and getting better scores than a lot of the boys I regularly play the game with. I can’t wait to get my hands on a copy of the new game Halo Wars.”

When Amanda is not trying to save the world on Halo she is blasting out karaoke hits on Lips. Her favourite songs include Leona Lewis’s Bleeding Love and Rihanna’s Umbrella.

Having SEGA as your company name is a coincidence. That could be explained away quite easily over an informal business breakfast. But stealing the logo? Just going on Google and getting a logo? That’s DOWNRIGHT THIEVERY.

“This is better than any of the SEGA/Dreamcast-spotting-in-the-wild posts you’ve had submitted this century – SEGA has entered the construction business in Brazil! It’s not a rip off, it’s a homage!” – Subbie.

Nine years past its best before date. Stale. Very apt for the SEGA of today.

“Here is a high resolution photo of some exclusive Dreamcast popcorn from the ‘Dreamcast Premiere’ event at the Empire Leicester Square, which my colleague has had in his cupboard since November 2000! SEGA’s popcorn is manufactured by Hollywood Express Ltd, of Preston. It contains hybrid popcorn, vegetable oil, salt, and colour – beta carotene. It has a best before date of 13/10/00. You may make your own joke about the best before date of the Dreamcast. We daren’t open the packets now in case it releases some kind of biotoxin” – John.

IT CONTINUES…
“Also in the shot is a somewhat shoddy Dreamcast bottle collar, which was given to us wrapped around a bottle of Coke. The bottle in the photo is not the original. He didn’t do a great job of keeping the ticket in mint condition, but at least it’s readable and shows the date of that memorable trip to Dirty London to meet Sonic and Ulala.

“We put a copy of today’s paper in the shot, so you know we’re not just recycling an old photo. There seems to be some purple fringing on the newspaper text, for which I can only apologise on Canon’s behalf.

“I think the collection is worth keeping for another two years before putting it on eBay during the tenth anniversary celebrations.”

Found by a “Leo” who said it was in some sort of $1 shop. Even though they’re clearly marked $2.90. We are not interested enough to seek clarification regarding the actual price.

Brace yourselves. We’ve got FIVE photos of these to get through. You might want to go and make yourself an EXTREMELY STRONG cup of instant coffee.

Leo tells a story with these pictures.

The story is… “I SAW THEM AND GRADUALLY GOT NEARER TO THEM.”

The end of the story is that he got very close to them, but didn’t bother buying them.

But he did get very near them. Getting near them is fine. It’s like getting near enough to a woman to smell their moisturiser. The memory can sustain you for months.

That 13-year-old boy who knocked up the 15-year old? You’ll never guess what he’s into.

Spotted by a man called “Yankee.” He’s the one that reads The Sun, not us. We sit outside Starbucks reading the media section of the Guardian, trying to convince the waitress we’re intellectual.

UPDATE:

Enjoy it while it lasts.