We can’t let it pass without comment that Sony is deleting piles of user-generated content from its tatty little teddy bear game that is ENTIRELY BASED AROUND and TO DO WITH user-generated content.

Just to recap, because it is a bit hard to understand. The game IS BUILT AROUND user-generated content. And Sony is DELETING user-generated content, despite previously being as happy as pigs in shit to tell everyone how cool “UGC” is and how LittleBigPlanet is ALL ABOUT IT and therefore also cool.

We just had to let you know that we have noticed this and are nursing the obligatory SONY DOOM semi.

Sony’s clearly making all these balls-ups on purpose so we can have a laugh. In fact, we may have all died in a nuclear war at the end of 2006 and this is heaven we’re in right now.

This image is taken from Sony’s E3 08 presentation, in which it cleverly recreated PlayStation imagery in LBP. This would be deleted if a user made it. Awesome corporate hypocrisy!

Headline of the Year. This amazingly bizarre advert was spotted by a reader who has, understandably, requested Category A anonymity. A Super Mario Bros. fan wants someone to bum while they play the NES game in a hotel room in, unsurprisingly, Brighton. And, to prove he’s a true gamer, there will be no small talk after.

The ad has since been deleted, but here’s a screen capture of it.

Change it to OutRun2SP and let us have whatever we want out of the mini bar and it might be worth the train fare.

WE HAD THE FORESIGHT TO SAVE THE TEXT

Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers ? Age: 28

Date posted: Saturday 27th September
Location: Brighton

Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.

You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.

I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.

Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.

When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, “MORE”, “HARDER”, “YES”, “FUCK ME”, but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like “OH GOD”, “YES”, OR “IT HURTS” no other conversation is allowed.

When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like “Thanks”, “It was great”, “I loved it”, “Don’t stop”

If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.

I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together.

No, because it’s the bemused silence as the game buying public fire up Little Big Planet and then realise that it’s actually not very good after all and isn’t the game that is going to sell millions of PS3s. Don’t take our word for it, here’s a sample of opinion from a few gaming forums. And these are the very people who’ve been wanking themselves silly for the last few weeks over clever, but pointless levels constructed by weird, obsessive Japanese people.

“I’m 20 minutes into playing one of the most outrageously shit pieces of game design, ever.”

“Either I’m missing something, or this whole section relies on luck and the grip button working 100% (which it doesn’t, ever)”

“I got through the first terrible part, and there’s another bit just as bad after it”

“It’s some of the shittiest game design ever and incredibly frustrating, and after all that came before it I’m really disappointed.”

“…been some really frustrating times having to restart the entire level again”

“The damned thing is a chore and I’m going to get through on luck rather than any repeatable skills because what works one time, might not work the next.”

“an unfair, badly thought out piece of shit”

“makes you also feel like you are fighting the controls rather than just playing the game.”

She must’ve earned £20k for this and got to keep the shoes. Plus she got it the right way up AND the right way around for a £5k performance bonus. Imagine how easy life must be when being able to stand up and hold something while not blinking very often counts as your job.

NEXT WEEK’S MOTORSTORM PR STUNT: Sony exhumes the corpse of Colin McRae and arranges to have it dragged around his home town behind a tractor.

Just when you think video games are becoming an acceptable, adult, mainstream entertainment form free from the sexist, teenage boy cliches of years past…

…Sony goes and SPUNKS TEN YEARS OF WORK AWAY over the stomach of some low-grade model dressed like she’s in a 1986 Zzap! magazine ad for Strip Poker.

Amazing. Presumably Keeley is here to ensure Motorstorm gets a 20-word review in Nuts or Zoo and maybe catches the eye of Jonathan Weinberg.

VIDEO GAMES: Once again considered the preserve of virgins who are as familiar with the feel of ladies as they are with the atmospheric conditions of Neptune. Well done, Sony.

The dream of having a job about where you’re encouraged and allowed to be rude and dismissive on the internet continues.

This thing which mentions SEGA in the vaguest, slightest and almost certainly un-true-est fashion possible.

This thing in which we celebrate not having to pretend to be excited about Gears of Cocking War 2 any more.

This thing which is topical and about newspapers.

This thing about how poor people are buying iPhones.

This thing about how FOOTBALL is meant to make men buy mobile phones, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along

About as interesting as listening to people you don’t know talking about how their bank is failing to pass on the reduction in interest rates. 3/10.

Here’s Pretend Lara Croft 08 Alison Carroll being interviewed by a Danish man. He wants to ask questions about archaeology, which is brave as he can’t really say “archaeology” very well.

She gets “her people” to interrupt and tell him to stop. It is the sort of awesome uncomfortable voyeurism we have come to expect from Lara Croft model interviews.

The video doesn’t seem to be embeddable. You’ll have to watch it old school by clicking on a link. She’s wearing a bikini, if that’s any additional motivation. The sighting was sent in by “Per” who says “Ekstra Bladet is a big daily newspaper in Denmark. Like a light version of The Sun.”

Courtesy of a graph in Japanese, courtesy of Nintendo, courtesy of an amazingly impenetrable thread about Nintendo’s performance over at NeoGAF.

It is nice to have clarity.

Oh yes. You won’t catch us wearing regulation, common SEGA product produced under license and made available to the general public. Only the finest INTERNAL USE ONLY products are endorsed by UKR.

“A rather interesting, although awkwardly triangular, SEGA Dreamcast bag given to all workers in the European Contact Centre shortly before they pulled the plug on the Dreamcast and the staff’s employment” – Gary.

We like to think such a mint example would fetch upwards of £2000 on eBay. The harsh reality would be more like £1.99.

We’d imagine you spend a significant amount of time wondering just how much control you will be given over the camera in the new Tomb Raider game. You know, so you can sit near the screen and be near a woman that’s actually life sized, while she goes through her inactivity animations making it seem like you’re also near a living woman instead of your usual recently-excavated rotting corpse girlfriend.

The last Tomb Raider game, which was surprisingly brilliant, let you do things like this. Here’s what you can do this time around, courtesy of one of our non-globe-trotting readers who stays at home rotating cameras around pretend ladies.

“With every incarnation of Ms Lara Croft, the first thing to always be tried and tested is just how close can you get the camera to her for a more ‘intimate’ inspection. And luckily Crystal Dynamics hasn’t let us down!”

“Possibly the best thing about the demo recently posted on Xbox Live is the inclusion of ‘crotch cam’. I’ve attached a couple of pics showing just why such a cam is essential in every Tomb Raider game. God bless the unscrupulous game developer” – Chris.