Here’s consumer rights MILF Anne Robinson having a right old go at PS3. The report is utter nonsense, but we’re obliged to agree with it seeing as it’s Sony getting called shit on national television.

WARNING: Contains Iain Lee at the 4:30 point.

Feels like we’re fighting dirty by using this horrific weapon.

Finally! The “killer app” to help PSP cement its place in gaming history as having a slightly better catalogue than Gizmondo. Sony shouldn’t have printed up the case inlays all those years ago, as “Passable 6.8” would make a GREAT quote for the box.

Well done, Chris Roper. You will have been expected to blindly love it, yet you bravely didn’t. If we had any merchandise left you’d have just won some of it. Sent in by Mr “Shine”.

OTHER QUOTES INCLUDE:

“…it pains me immeasurably to say that this is a greatly disappointing release”

“…I’m having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that this isn’t a great (or even just good) game”

“…the driving mechanics are great, if somewhat dated”

“6.8 Passable”

The enemy has won a minor battle. Reader “Benjamin” has provided a visual analysis of the newly-released sales data.

Week #2 up 200 percent. Week #3 up 42 percent. Week #4 MISERY AS USUAL until the next price cut at Easter of 2011. The enemy may take solace in this HOLLOW VICTORY, but we will not be fooled. No tide has turned here, it is merely a ripple in the ocean of piss that is PS3.

New corporate logo embraces the company’s core value of TELLING LIES ABOUT EVERYTHING.

Unbelievable. Quite staggering, but good to see it owning up for once. Another notch for the Sony’s TERRIBLE ERROR bed post. Sent in by a “Chris” who has nothing better to do than reload Kotaku all day.

If anyone fancies knocking up a few, the font to use is Century Gothic at about 35 point size.

It also functions as a Dreamcast stand. This will remind extremely regular readers of an actual JOKE from a very, very long time ago. It’s good to see we haven’t lost our ‘touch’ when it comes to Photoshop.

“Here is a picture I found on Gumtree last night in the ‘casual relationships’ category. I can’t recall the advert but it was along the lines of ‘black submissive looking for white top'” – Mariano.

WHICH MEGA-BLOG DID THE PICTURE REALLY COME FROM?
Joystiq.

The cunning enemy leopard has changed its spots. It may look different, but it contains the SAME DARK HEART and POISONED SOUL.

The enemy has gained a small measure of respect thanks to releasing a 4.48MB file at 4800 x 3800 resolution.

Sony managed to sell 5,826 PlayStation3s in Japan last week. If you lined all of them up, the line would be long enough to stretch all the way across an average UK kitchen. Or, to put in in a different context, to transport that many PS3s you would need the boot space of three separate Vauxhall Corsas.

JAPANESE HARDWARE SALES, WEEK ENDING AUGUST 9, 2009

DS: 78,765
Wii: 47,140
PSP: 33,893
PS3: 5,826
360: 5,436
PS2: 4,601

Amazing. All those other times people have said PS3 is dead were wrong. Now it actually is. Pronounced at *looks at clock* 12.35pm on August 18 2009.

“Connect 4” is also rumoured to be the new name for PlayStation Network. Figures taken from GAF, home of MEN.

Sent in by “Kieran”. It may seem obvious to you, Kieran, but it didn’t occur to anyone around here.

Possible new t-shirt design? Possible new wallpaper for toilet?

It’s pretty bad when Sony has to sneak BRAVIA adverts into its copyright documentation, for the benefit of people in the copyright approval office who might be thinking about buying a new TV.

Image emailed in by Glen of the screen photography update series. Nice to know he’s still out there and alive. Some facts about what this rubbish new thing of Sony’s is are available here, once you’ve cleared the tears of laughter from your own eyes.

Any new hobby will do. Preferably one that involves being outside even if it’s raining and wearing sturdy shoes so your toes don’t get broken by the specialist equipment.

Video games ARE ALL OVER NOW.

Nintendo’s image of what it thinks you look like, just so you know it’s not pretending Wii is for adults. Stolen off Eurogamer.