But there was a terrible WARDROBE MALFUNCTION – Suzanne’s stupid period dress was too long to see her shoes, ankles or calves.

We shouldn’t really give this sort shabby work the oxygen of publicity.

Who on earth gets a celebrity in then puts them in clothes where you can’t see anything? We hate to demand sackings, but in this case there’s simply no other option.

Suzanne Shaw must be really easy to hire.

A few hundred quid for the afternoon and a taxi home?

Maybe if we organise a whip-round.

Everyone who contributes gets to stand next to her for 30 seconds. The largest donor gets to ask a question. That’s probably what happened here.

…by developer Platinum Games on its Flickr account.

If you print this out and crayon it in pink, it’ll be like she’s actually naked. Would do it to show you, but haven’t got a printer.

Here’s what her torso would look like once you’ve removed the identifying head and fingers. We’re saving this model for 20 years time when 3D printers become available.

Here’s what she’d look like if you peeled her skin off with a coathanger. This is not the sort of update we should be doing on a day when we’re trying to convince legal people we are of a sound and reasonable mind in the very next browser tab :(

Dark colour palette and characters with “angry” eyes. Oh, Disney, you of all companies? And is that gangsta rabbit about to SPIT at Mickey? :(

That’s right, Mickey, kill the monster and steal the laptop it drops, then pawn that in and spend the money on a new mobile phone. Got bored of playing this sort of thing on the Saturn. NEXT PLEASE. Number of days since last played a video game: 207.

Bizarre concept made entertaining by the animated video in which video game versions of Tiger Woods, that man who’s good at tennis and another man who might be Thierry Henry but it’s hard to say as football’s for idiots, COME ALIVE and WALK OUT OF THEIR SCREENS to admire the razor.

Submitted ages ago by “Courtser”. Thanks, Courtster. On days like this it’s nice to have links to things that were on Joystiq several months ago to fall back on.

And how can they make it even clearer that the product is for gamers? A controller on the loading screen.

Some men have decided to create a Weirdo Directory, full of photographs of people for whom trousers and jumpers simply won’t do unless they are SHINY SPACE TROUSERS THAT DON’T FIT and jumpers with BITS MISSING because they’ve just had a LEVEL 200 FIGHT.

That’s Rob, Kez and Peter. Not sure which one is Rob and which one is Peter, but Kez is the one using the pretend name so people like us can’t find her on the internet to ask for MORE PICTURES OF YOUR SHOES.

From the book. The book has web sites. Good luck, book. Good luck, girl. Just remember, it may seem cool to lose your virginity to a 45-year-old man dressed like a wolf in a London Travelodge, but in 20 years time you’ll wish it was a bit more of a special moment.

Please stop emailing this in now. No we don’t smoke, but yes, we do like setting fire to things. Countryside hedgerows and the hair of women sitting in front of you on buses go up the best. Hedgerows burn nicest on crisp, dry autumn days, while hair is best freshly washed with a generous coating of hair spray to aid ignition.

We are only joking about the hair. No one ever sees the funny side of that. Hedgerows, however, are highly recommended.

Proper facts available on a proper web site. Better photos here.

Reader “Shine” said the funniest thing about them – “imagine dousing Sony HQ in petrol and then using one of these for the ‘coup de grace’.”

Snuggle up with Suzanne.

There’s bound to be a photographer in attendance. Disney has loads of money.

This is what SEGA Racing Classic is, according to proper facts found by the legend.

“Sega Racing Classic is a revamped version of Sega’s smash hit Daytona USA, featuring the original tracks and heart pumping action with all new high definition graphics. The game runs on the Sega Ringwide hardware, with the stunning graphics displayed on a 32″ Widescreen LCD.

-32” Hi-Def LCD Widescreen
-1280 x 720 Resolution
-Force Feedback Steering
-Link up to 4 Cabinets
-Eye Catching Cabinet
-New Billboard Leader Display
-Color changing LED Cabinet lights
-Classic Gameplay

The only problem with this is SEGA calling its new arcade hardware “Ringwide”. How on earth did that decision get past the numerous layers of bureaucracy? WHY DID NO ONE SPEAK UP?

The cabinet image is hosted here. We’ve tried randomly changing it to different numbers to see if there are any proper screenshots, but nothing of interest comes up. If anyone fancies a little job for the rest of the evening, please, feel free. Looks like there’s 6000 to go through. We’ve done 6100 – 6130. Wouldn’t mind a go on 6127.

UPDATE: “Constable London” has covered off 2739 so don’t bother with that one.

SEGA is giving away a “free” (TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY) controller to people who sign up to its PlaySEGA VIP area. The controller’s shape may trigger a happy memory of playing X-Men vs. Street Fighter or Sonic R. It is a shape SEGA owns the rights to make things in the shape of.

Hopefully that “PLAY” bit can be easily peeled off.

We did some RESEARCH! A three month subscription is £12.99 and if you want the “free” USB Saturn-alike controller that’s an extra £2.99 in postage. So you’re basically paying £15.98 for the controller and right to play some games in a web-based emulator. That’s not bad for a piece of SEGA hardware. Thanks to “Martin” for sending this news in via a popular social networking tool.

It would appear that today’s video games are indeed being developed based on what people vote for in Facebook polls. Look at this. It’s Ryo in Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing.

Oh no, hang on, it was Twitter. 12 people Tweeted that this is what they wanted to buy. Then another seven people said wouldn’t it be good if the forklift magically appeared out of the sky.

So that’s what happens now. Sadly, when the charts come out early next year, we’d imagine THE PEOPLE will have decided that what they really want is more FIFA still.

The PEOPLE are STUPID. So put FIFA in it. Have Wembley Stadium turn up, riding a big horse and dropping lumps of turf on Dr Eggman.