They’ve made an error in not capitalising the ‘t’ in Sonic The Hedgehog. We shall take this complaint to the TOP – ie, maybe leave a comment on Major Nelson’s blog, if he’s still got a blog.

Classic Sonic – press one button and it’s all over in a few seconds.

“Whilst playing ‘1 v 100’ on Xbox Live tonight, with the quiz subject being ‘The 90s’, this question popped up: (see attached image, full size no resizing, DIRECT from the camera for all your EXIF-spying). I am not Gronanbarbarian or Gronanbarbar or JoRDANQuINNN, these names are far too crazy for my liking, all the kids do it these days. I was dominating the 90s questions with three safetys in the bag. Those punks never knew what hit them. All four of us got this question right anyhow” – Sam.

There are some benefits to burning all your bridges.

Would trust the one on the right to shoot a face-hugger off in a moment of panic, but would prefer it if the one on the left stayed on the orbiter manning the expedition’s Twitter account.

Honestly the FUSS there’s been over this Sonic/Alton Towers thing. We’ve been getting three emails a day about it, but have been BRAVELY holding off mentioning it until some sort of official photography is released.

And here it is, sort of, at a very low resolution.

We asked for this artwork and photos via official channels using polite, proper language, but were told the ride was still under development so they had no official photographs…

Apart from THESE ONES, then? What are these photos? UNOFFICIAL paparazzi shots? We would REALLY LIKE this picture at a huge resolution. Please, can somebody with an important-sounding email address get it for us?

We have a joke raring to go about Sonic finding employment in the painting and decorating industry.

We’re working on an additional joke to go with this photo, which will possibly be based around Sonic padding out his CV by doing some voluntary work in the community, or perhaps that he doesn’t need overalls because it doesn’t matter if he gets blue paint on himself.

No idea what’s happening here. About 15 years of memories have all been bodged into one YouTube video. Starting to feel old. Older. Like, so old that we should only be using the internet for emailing distant relatives and booking discount cruises.

Submitted by comment-leaver “Prison Hardman” who seems to be a bit protective about his email address, making us feel quite powerful and in control.

This is great news for SEGA. If Sony has to pay $0.02 in royalties to SEGA for every copy of GT5 it sells, this could be SEGA’s most profitable game in over a decade. And it didn’t even have to lift a finger.

“I was just watching a video of GT5 that compares it to real life, mainly just so I could laugh at how it doesn’t look photorealistic at all (it doesn’t), and I noticed something a little odd. First I thought it was just that the sky was a little too blue, but then I noticed this. As you can see, this screenshot of GT5 has SEGA in it. I don’t know why. Game is likely to be a little bit less shit now” – Lewie.

Not for the first time, this is not as good at it initially sounds.

Wouldn’t even go up your bottom. 3/10.

A man got in touch. He said in return for us linking to some sort of flash gaming site he does, he could provide us with some photographs he took of SEGA products currently on sale in Argentina.

We said yes to that.

What on earth is a DYNACOM? A fake SEGA portable that runs Mega Drive carts? Looking it up would ruin the exciting mystery.

You can also buy official ones from new. Looks like SEGA is still trying to empty out various warehouses of unsold consoles it made back during the glory fortnight.

Mainstream catalogue retailer Marshall Ward is knocking out this painful piece of mid-1990s-style costumery, for the benefit of grown men with emotional issues for whom Sonic is an escape pod back through time to when it was mum that had to worry about paying the mortgage. This was found by popular late-2000s casual UKR labourer “Phorenzik”. We’re not suggesting he’s that target buyer.

The padded hands are admittedly a masterstroke that give it an extra edge of realism, but nothing else works on any level – not even on the unseen ultraviolet and infrared levels.

It is unsurprisingly (a) still in stock, and (b) made out of polyester.

It has to be made out of polyester, because cotton is too thick and heavy for the speeds Sonic runs at!!!

Marshal Ward thinks buyers may also like Snow White and Robocop, and to be fair, we’ve just briefly had a go at imagining having sex with Snow White while dressed as Robocop and it actually works as a scenario*.

See? There’s easy penis access there between the leg plates, so you wouldn’t have to worry about going flaccid while Snow White’s trying to fight you off.

ROBOCOP/SNOW WHITE POSSIBLE SEX SCENARIO:
You went to a fancy dress party as Robocop, then you and Snow White started chatting and laughing at the retard who came as Sonic and has been sitting there on his own for the last two hours not saying anything to anyone. Then you managed to get her to lose count of how much she had to drink and carried her to the toilet when she thought she was going to be sick but then she WASN’T sick and brief sex happened.

Then she asked you what you name was afterwards, and you looked at her, then triumphantly said “MURPHY!”. But then, the next day, you realised you should’ve given her your real name or your mobile phone number, as there’s no way she’ll be able to contact you and her friends won’t remember there even being anyone called “Murphy” at the party. So you’ll die alone.

A man sent this in, which is ALLEGEDLY a photo of some Sonic-branded pyjamas he spotted in UK high street retail chain New Look. Can anyone with a camera handy pop into New Look and confirm? We need a bit more detail to confirm size and scale, and if they’re boy or girl pyjamas.

“Here’s a fairly crappy shot of some Sonic flavoured PJs spotted in New Look (or ‘Ooh Look’ as no one calls it). I also sent in the picture of an actual man with a Sega bag at a Scottish festival which it only took a year after sending it to appear on the site. I look forward to a Sonic Jim Jams update early in 2011″ – Robbie.

UPDATE:
Never mind, here they are!

They are pyjamas for men. Although it remains possible that some girls might be sleeping in them tonight, or, more likely, queuing up at the RETURNS desk of their local New Look with them so they can buying something they actually like that fits instead.

Found these while, to be honest, looking for something EXACTLY like these. We are quite excited about the Bayonetta sexy cosplay scene kicking into life. It’s like 1980s glamour porn is BACK.

These were on the Flickr page of something called GamerGirls. Couldn’t determine what GamerGirls is, though. Probably a blog using one of the default pink themes with lots of men leaving enthusiastic comments beneath their mundane opinions about old games their brothers used to play.

The photos were also tagged “Playboy” and we’ve no idea if that means they’re “out of” Playboy or if that’s just wishful thinking on the part of these ladies. And no offense, Chernise, but you’re more ‘Men Only’ or ’40 Plus’.

Maybe one of them will leave a comment explaining the shoot?

Then we can all terrify her and make her go away, probably within 30 minutes of her signing up.

Anyway. Bayonetta’s out soon or maybe even out now. No idea. People are talking about it on the internet, so it must be near.