What makes this jacket so unusual?

“…what makes this jacket so unusual is the HUGE 15 inch wide by 12 inch tall EMBROIDERED Systems patch featuring Mario the Plumber and Sonic the Hedgehog.

It’s nice that he called Mario “Mario the Plumber”. It implies that Nintendo copied SEGA and that Mario isn’t famous enough to just be called Mario. This is what we should all tell our children, if any of us are ever lucky enough to be allowed to have sex and the recipient of the sex is willing to follow through with it.

The correct spelling of “centre” suggests this could have originated in PAL territories, although the use of “Genesis” suggests otherwise. Which country called the Mega Drive the Genesis but also spells centre centre? Or is it just a manufacturing error? We’re on a knife-edge!

We would very much like to hear from any former employees of the Hi-Tech Game Centre. Hopefully it was based in a medium-sized Northern shopping centre and the sign and shuttered-closed shop front are still visible.

This is not viral marketing. This man has not been hand-picked from a modelling agency to represent a particular demographic. There was no stylist involved in choosing that hat.

He is, as they say, FOR REAL.

Another abysmal marketing lie is being perpetrated by Sony to make people think PSP has some sort of “community” surrounding it.

PSP is for lonely men to watch films on on the train home. That’s all.

THERE’S MORE. CAN PEOPLE PLEASE BE BRIEFER IN FUTURE? THANKS.
“Following from one annus horribilis into what will surely be another annus left more bloody and horrid than the last, it seems fitting Sony are choosing to use banner ads recalling the horror of Goatse. And more fittingly, the world inhabited by the average PSP user will no doubt be as shitty, cum-crumb-flecked and gapingly revolting, as Mr Goatse’s prolapsed cock-maw” – Cameron M.

“PS: I used PrintScrn, MS Paint, and the ‘Save as’ function to capture this. Even that was a bit of a struggle.”

The red was making us angry. The sky symbolises a new dawn. The background is stolen from OutRun in case you’re wondering. The main column is a few pixels wider and hopefully you’ll all find the blues and greens a bit easier on the eyes.

Apart from that, it’ll be banality as usual.

Cheerio, old pal. You were good, on certain versions of certain browsers, and when viewed at specific resolutions.

It’s all a bit foreign, but it looks like some cracked-up tramp has been trying to rob old women using a SEGA Master System light gun. This is our future.

We have a funny story to do with attempted robbery and a SEGA light gun. But we will save it for another time. Possibly a posthumous update to avoid legal repercussions.

Look what we have done. We have made a grown man take a photo of a keyring and mug in a studio environment.

“Since I have nothing better to do at work I thought I would send you this picture of an early 90s Sonic keychain obtained from a kid’s meal at a local Northern Sweden hamburger chain (www.frasses.se) and also a mug from work that looks a bit like it has Dreamcast logos on it. You might want to publish these for the sole reason that the picture is high resolution, was taken with a moderately expensive camera and lit with semi-professional studio lighting. Lots of love” – Protected identity Swedish guy.

IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS
Photo taken with a Pentax K200D. Man also has a bottle opener as a secondary keyring, indicating possible alcohol dependency.

Sony has closed Go!Messenger, the PSP messaging service advertised by that transsexual Lucy Liu we quite liked. This might mean transsexual Lucy Liu is now looking for work.

If that work involves giving out handjobs to men without making eye contact, she has a guaranteed £50 waiting for her here. Can someone at Sony please pass on this offer to her “people” please?

Another battle lost for Sony. War still raging.

A girl shockingly developed SORE HANDS after playing lots of games. These mysterious “sores” healed after not playing games for a while.

It must be serious, it’s on the BBC.

Utter nonsense. But if it disrespects PlayStation in any way we’re prepared to feign outrage and sign petitions. Sony must axe that SICK DISEASE-CAUSING MACHINE.

Which is all the justification we need.

No idea who she is. Her name’s Phoebe Price. Still don’t know who she is, though. We’re out of touch with Street Fighter, but surely graphics aren’t this good yet?

EXHIBIT A: The high. A man called Dan Bull doing a superb Streets-style history of video gaming via the medium of rap music. We DEMAND the offices of THE NATION ring out to this today.

SENT IN BY:
“Zeek” and “Freshnut Promotions” who have the time to find stuff like this. The latter probably because it’s their job.

A VERSE ABOUT SATURN AND DREAMCAST WE’VE JUST WRITTEN
You can use this for free in a remix, if you’re reading this, Dan.

It’s 1997 then.
I stop masturbating over FHM and pick up a magazine called SSM.

That’s SEGA Saturn Magazine, the world’s greatest gaming fanzine.
Devoted to SEGA while completely ignoring the burgeoning PlayStation scene.

I chipped my Saturn at great expense, my Sony-loving friends thought it didn’t make sense.

“What you doin wiv that Saturn? You wanna bin it! Sony’s got all the best games on it, innit!

They don’t know that Saturn is where the fun starts – and lasts and lasts and lasts. In fact, SEGA Saturn is better than the sum of all PlayStations component parts.

Then came Dreamcast.

Oh my god. Sega Rally 2. The NTSC version as the PAL conversion was poo.
Easy left, baby! K-right! Slow down! I’m crying with happiness so much that I might drown if I lie down!

I buy Japanese games for sixty a pop quid from dodgy import shops.
I know it’s a waste of money but I just can’t stop.

They’ll be out in the UK eventually.
But waiting three months for Jet Set Radio doesn’t make much sense to me.

I’ve got to have the games immediately.
I don’t care if they’re in Japanese, I’ll just have to work their controls remedially.

My VMU batteries have died, but it still saves my game.
Between me and you, that’s the sort of bravery we associate with the Dreamcast name.