Can’t really think of anything right now though. Sorry.

We’ll never get bored of looking at Wii promotional photographs.

They should stop doing ones with men in though.

Or just stop altogether. We get the idea of holding a controller. None of this is necessary.

A hastily-cobbled-together Photoshop comparison speaks 1000 words:

It is, quite literally, ALL LIES. Did you think we’d forget about this, Sony? It was only a year ago, you fuckwits! You’re going DOWN this time. All the way. No doubt about it.

This is from Vivendi’s bizarre cash-burning press trip to Malaga, where they took loads of people out for a free holiday to promote a game absolutely no one cares about at all.

It was designed to promote its “let’s-make-another-urban-gangsta-game!” game Scarface. Instead of real tigers, like in the film, they got women and made them into tigers by painting them and their tits.

This isn’t what usually happens on press trips. Usually, it’s just a load of miserable men who don’t really like each other being forced to wait around for ages and make small talk until someone turns up and gives them lots of beer so they can go back to the hotel and have a decent wank.

[Photo removed to comply with French humour legislation]

See? If anyone else has any more photos from the Scarface PR event, please send them in. And any other PR event shots too, particularly of men looking miserable and any women at all.

Carol Vorderman’s got a PSP! We’ve also got PSP! This means when we fantasise about meeting her, it’s now loads more realistic because we know what we’ll be talking to her about before we inevitably have sex with her. Sex that we learn lots from because of how old she is.

CAROL VORDERMAN SUDOKU TO MAKE A STAR APPEARANCE ON SONY PLATFORMS

London, May 2006, XPLOSIV, the multi-platform value range have announced that the ever popular Carol Vorderman Sudoku will be released on PlayStation2 and PSP in June 2006. The addictive and challenging puzzle craze that has swept the globe found a huge fan and supporter in best selling author and personality Carol Vorderman and these interactive games will allow Carol to show you how it’s done.

Let her take you (YES!) step-by-step via live action video (YES!) explaining the methods of Sudoku and revealing handy hints so that you too can become a Sudoku master. If you feel you’ve mastered the methods of Sudoku then the game will allow you to lay down the gauntlet and challenge Carol to the ultimate Sudoku showdown.

As gadget enthusiast Carol said ‘I love my PSP, it fits in my handbag and is really handy for someone like me who travels a great deal.’ She adds, ‘I can’t wait to be able to play Sudoku on the PSP where and whenever I want.’

Sudoku has a huge appeal globally and Carol Vorderman Sudoku is perfect for the PSP and PS2 platforms. The additional formats will add a greater offering to Sudoku fans and more ways for them to feed their Sudoku habit’ said Joanne Fawell, European Product Manager, Xplosiv.

As a self-confessed Sudoku addict, the Channel 4 Countdown presenter says: ‘I have become completely obsessed and a bit of a saddo. I love competitions with friends to see who finishes first. I go for the fiendishly hard one and have got my time down from five hours to under twenty minutes.’ She adds, ‘Mind you I’m told off at home, at work and even in the hairdressers for going “into the Sudoku zone” and “not listening to a word anyone says”.’

Sudoku challenges you to fill in the missing numbers in a 9×9 grid. It’s a game of reasoning, that doesn’t require calculating or special math skills – but instead focuses on concentration and brain power

Starring and presented by Carol Vorderman, Carol will appear in the form of live video and will talk the player through a number of features including:-

Exclusive features to PSP and PS2

· 2 player Mode
· Wireless game mode (PSP version only )

Arcade mode

· Beat the clock!
· Extra time
· Perfection
· 3 strikes and your out!
· High Score table

PS2, PC and PSP Features

· Over 1 million unique puzzles (tbc)
· 4 difficulty levels
· Over 30 minutes of high quality video featuring Carol Vorderman
· Step-by-step tutorial for beginners
· Hits and tips for advanced players
· Intuitive easy interface
· Customisable assist functions
· Ask Carol puzzle solver

Multiple game modes

· Classic
· Career mode
· Challenge Carol

NOTES FOR EDITORS
www.carolvordermanssudoku.com

This is an email we got, in its entirety. You can’t edit down genius like this.

I’m a huge Sega fan and absolutely love your site, your trip to Sega page is pretty funny and now I want a Homestar! Anyway, thought I’d show off my Sonic tattoos while I’m here so take a look at them if you’re interested.

Had the idea of having four Sonics running around my leg.

Ross

We should’ve done this. You should have done this. What a man.

Another important piece of SEGA nostalgia merchandise has been discovered!

Sonic and Knuckles have been scribbled out. There’s a reason for this. The person who owns the book will explain himself in the next caption.

“If you look at the intro page, you can see where the young me crossed out all the Sonic pictures because I HATED Sonic for being RUBBISH. I am sorry.”

It’s not really a cheats book. It’s an empty notebook for you to write your own cheats down on. It must’ve been a lot easier to produce than today’s 200-page walkthroughs of Splinter Cell.

Mario cheats shouldn’t really be written down in a SEGA book.

If you’ve got some old rubbish on your attic that says SEGA on it, please send it in. We’re rapidly becoming the Wikipedia of SEGA.

Christ. This isn’t just straight to video, it’s straight to Google Video.

Although…

Actually…

Come to think of it…

When you look at it like this…

BEST FILM EVER TWO THUMBS UP AND FIVE OUT OF FIVE.

Five years of shit wee jokes on the way :(

And we thought Dreamcast was bad. We will pray for the poor Nintendo fans tonight.

#2: Andy Crane off early-to-mid-90s video game TV show ‘Bad Influence’

He was always rubbish, a sort of nervous, albino Philip Schofield who was too jittery to ever be funny or watchable. He also looked suspicious all the time and too thin, probably because he’s a nervous fidget.

Anyway, he’s not dead from crack! He’s just in the purgatory of regional TV.

No wait, *local* TV — TV for Manchester! Specifically Manchester. Not the Manchester area, but a very particular bit of the centre of Manchester. He’s on Channel M, a new TV station that’s quite hard to get and definitely only for Manchester.

Andy’s introductory movie is stilted script reading at its best! He probably didn’t know it was going on the internet where people might see it, else he would’ve tried a bit harder. There’s also a woman reporter who walks with purpose and swishes her hair. We’re starting to think this might be a viral marketing joke site.

He’s also on the radio! It must be a hell of a hectic schedule for the real life Alan Partridge.

SO THAT’S WHAT ANDY CRANE IS DOING NOW
We have no other point to make, other than sort of reminding you and us about Andy Crane and seeing what he’s up to these days.

ANDY CRANE RESOURCES:
http://www.1054centuryfm.com/
http://www.channelm.co.uk/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Crane

The subtext of this is that black people, Asian people and smug-looking American pricks people can all come together to call each other gay on Xbox Live:

It’s taken from the Xbox Gear Store which, optimistically, features tops and t-shirts in girl sizes.

YOU CAN EVEN BUY AN XBOX 360 HAT:

The hat will get you “new friends“.