…and at this point we turned it off and went out for an angry walk:

That’s WALK.

We’ve been putting them in a folder instead of on the internet, due to public demand. So here they all are at once. This is about six months worth.

If you sent any of these in – thanks. We don’t mean to sound ungrateful it’s just that some people don’t understand and the world just isn’t ready yet etc etc.

Breaking local news from 1996, courtesy of a reader who (a) must’ve been having a bit of a clearout probably after a messy divorce brought on by his incessant gaming habits, and (b) still has access to a scanner. It’s not the top one. Even in 1996, mundane pieces about secondhand goods were deemed more interesting than SEGA news.

Well done, Janet Lowry, for producing an entirely SEGA-related games column. You’d think the SEGA Saturn was winning if you only got your gaming news from the Irvine Herald in 1996.

“Some time ago I sent you an image of my curtains. I saw that you thoroughly enjoyed them. So now I bring you an article from my local newspaper, almost entirely SEGA related. It dates from 1996, damn that’s nostalgic! And it makes me feel old. It was supposed to be a weekly thing, but as you can see its importance was less than that of an article headlined ‘Thrift Shop Seeks Goods’, it soon disappeared. How did I obtain this magnificent piece of history I hear you ask, through work of course, a ‘Time Traveling Adventurer’ to be exact. Lots of Love” – SolidGoldChimp.

SHOCK NEWS: SEGA is re-releasing an old game and it isn’t Golden Axe.

Official words stuff here.

Regional Welsh Assembly reporter on Newsnight? Special correspondent on Israeli affairs for Channel 4 News? Or bouncing around in rubber underwear for the benefit of men on the internet?

Yes, she’s the new special correspondent on Israeli affairs for Channel 4 News. Apparently Jon Snow hired her personally after seeing her showreel.

Videos submitted by a man whose email address doesn’t really look much like a name, so we’ll just call him “Rainski”. More Emily rubber videos on the internet here.

ABOUT EMILY BOOTH:
She co-presented a games show on the TV in about 1996 and 1997. We thought you might need to know that if you’re only 20 years old. We keep forgetting there are people in the world who are only 20 years old.

If this ever went to court, police teams could identify the make and model of that sofa from the fabric print of the cushion, track down all the UK distributors of it, get sales records from their retailers, then cross-reference the data with similar sales records of webcams offering this equivalent of colour depth and pixel resolution.

His front door would be off its hinges within 72 hours. You can’t hide behind a mask any more. We are not living in a 1970s horror movie.

“My friend was watching pornographic web cams and saw this scary man wearing a Sonic The Hedgehog mask. He was somehow able to ward off the terror for just enough time to take a screenshot, crop it and send it to me. Please keep my pretend internet name a secret” – Anonymous Friend of Keen Internet Sex Addict.

We’ve had some great PlayStation associations with murder this year, but you can’t get better than having the UN endorse your games console/violent crime assumptions.

The UN is apparently afraid that a “PlayStation mentality” will soon ENGULF the military world, resulting in everyone dying and suffering and paying £425 for things that are subsequently deemed shit and reduced to £229 and so on.

We’ve had to fiddle with the “back end” of the site and introduce a whole new PlayStation Murders sub-category to cope. Thanks, the United Nations! Sent in by a “Victor” or at least someone who gets off on pretending to be a Victor.

Do not understand what this is. The description doesn’t help much. Submitted by pro-level thing-submitter “GigerPunk” who is now a mere six item submissions away from being upgraded to Silver Reader status.

“This PROMOTIONAL FILE SET, was made available to Dealers and Fans at SPECIAL DREAMCAST EVENTS. SEGA also decided to sell these for a very short time. They are no longer available and the production run was low. Most of these were used by Sega Employees and treasured by Fans due to the popularity of Mr. Hidekazu Yukawa, Sega’s Managing Director who appeared in a series of Sega Dreamcast TV Commercials in Japan. One particular TV spot showed Mr. Yukawa bowing and apologizing for being sold out of the Dreamcast in its first few weeks of release, and for not having any inventory. The one Scene that is captured on one of the Files shows Mr. Yukawa in front of the Dreamcast Logo slightly bowing to apologize to a Mob of Customers. YOU CAN VIEW THE ACTUAL TV COMMERCIAL BY CLICKING HERE.: The other File is the OFFICIAL DREAMCAST “ORANGE’ with WHITE SWIRL LOGO” and BLACK DREAMCAST TYPEFACE” – Crazy eBay man.

Here’s a nice thing about Manx TT Superbike from 1996, when SEGA was merrily burning through the nest-egg it built up during the previous years by paying to put its logo in places and on clothes.

“I was sorting through a few things at the weekend and found these two pics that I thought I would send you. They are from when we sponsored a bike team that we entered into the Isle of Man TT races to promote Manx TT on Saturn in 1996. The Riders were called Jim Moodie & Shaun Harris. They not only raced on the IOM, they also raced at Brands Hatch in the Production TT series that Jim won.”

“The design of the bikes & leathers were done in house by the two guys responsible for most of the cool stuff produced by SEGA in the Saturn era – Steve Cross & Mark Hartley. Didn’t overly do much for the sales of Manx TT though but it was good fun going to the races. The best bit about Manx TT was the Sheep cheat…”

“…which was born on my stag weekend in the IOM when I met Tetsuya Mizuguchi and the team who were putting the original Arcade game together, we got them pissed in a bar and convinced them to put in the level, it was ported over to the Saturn but didn’t help much with sales” – Andy.

UNSORTED.

It came as a 688k PNG with 300 words and a threat. From “Jon” again.

THE BACKSTORY:

“Someone in the comments suggested that a reader – with too much free time, a vague interest and a basic understanding of ‘copy’ and ‘paste’ – should consider doing something like this at some point.

//Artistic thought process//

“A moment of inspiration struck me on Thursday, and I sought out that choice image of Mr. Kutaragi (courtesy of UK:R’s bandwidth). I decided against the customary ‘Save Image As’ menu command, opting instead to swiftly drag the image to my desktop (a feature that makes Macs so very lovely for doing unproductive crap like this).

“For comic effect, I enlarged the photo. Next, I cut around the heads using the tool that looks like a knotted umbilical cord, and spent at least 15 minutes trying to line up the estranged body parts. The results were very satisfying.

“Several other ideas were then tossed around on MSN, such as the inclusion of a prototype PlayStation 3 on the bench, party hats, and one of those animal cages found at the end of an act in Sonic the Hedgehog. Unfortunately, these additions seemingly detracted from my original, horrific vision.

“I fully encourage… no, scrap that… I fully expect, demand and require the UK:R community to step up, churn out and e-mail in a collection of uninspiring spin-offs, so as to extend my fifteen minutes of fame and further contribute to the downfall of modern society.

– Jon

“P.S. If you use this photo on a t-shirt, please can I have one? Actually, make that two… I’ll give one to a friend, as he is likely losing his job, and will soon be spending every waking moment in a grotty gym called Zeus, drinking cartons of Ribena alongside women who actually look more manly than him.

“P.P.S. Please don’t tinker with my paragraph formatting again.”