Those aren’t our admittedly untrustworthy words fuelled by years of hate – they’re the words of impartial people previously happy to give Sony their money in return for a sub-standard product.

The shit-screened new PSP made a man so angry he had to use CAPITAL LETTERS. Hopefully this latest lone complaint on a Sony forum will lead to a global crisis and millions of dirty Sony pounds going down the big business toilet.

“Just got a silver 3000. And noticed something wrong right away. Yes the color gamut is wider, yes the black levels are lower, but this screen now has what look like scanlines that were not visible on PSP’s before. Even worse, THERE ARE VERY VISIBLE INTERLACING ISSUES NOW. VERY NOTICEABLE IN R&C SIZE MATTERS. I am not happy about my ‘upgrade’.” – Sony’s own backyard.

He’s called Sackboy. He’s been user-generated. He is about to become all the rage among the mainstream. Even The Times is going to write something positive about this.

He was found by a man called “RetroBob” who found it while definitely not looking for furry pornography/cosplay.

Has anyone got this at around 17000 x 12000 resolution, please?

It’s for putting on the internet.

A feature on UKR will definitely help drive sales in Q4. Thanks.

“Gee, Sonic! Look at all those businessmen in suits with umbrellas standing at bus stops! What is this strange place called? Let’s go take a look! Can we? Can we, Sonic? Please!”

These photos were taken to celebrate the fact that Sonic was voted the most popular games character EVER in the UK and to publicise the London Games Festival. Incredibly, “the mainstream” has already reported on this as proper news.

We’d like to know just how many of the people who voted for Sonic have a copy of Dreamcast Sonic Adventure.

That costume needs a comprehensive re-stuffing. It’s all over the place.

We have it on good authority that there’s a lady inside that suit.

He last saw Tails semi-conscious in a gay bar at 3.30am last night.

Press Release
For immediate release

SONIC TOP DOG HEDGEHOG

A bright blue, spiky-haired, lightening-fast hedgehog has beaten not-so-Super Mario, cyber-babe Lara Croft and giant ape Donkey Kong to the title of the nation’s favourite video-game character.

Over 500 UK gamers voted in the poll to mark the launch of London Games Festival, which is expected to attract over 100,000 computer games fans to the capital this week.

Ahead of his appearance at the Festival, Sonic the Hedgehog, the official mascot of computer giant SEGA, was crowned the most popular video-game character of all time collecting nearly a quarter of all votes (24 per cent). Super Mario and Tomb Raider’s Lara Croft came second and third gaining 21 per cent and 16 per cent of the vote respectively.

The UK’s top ten most popular video games characters are as follows:
1. Sonic the Hedgehog (24 per cent)
2. Super Mario (21 per cent)
3. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider) (16 per cent)
4. Donkey Kong (11 per cent)
5. Pac Man (10 per cent)
6. Link (The Legend of Zelda) (5 per cent)
7. Max Payne (4 per cent)
8. Pikachu (Pokemon) (3 per cent)
9. Niko Belic (Grand Theft Auto series) (2 per cent)
10. Blanka (Street Fighter) (1 per cent)

* Other (3 per cent)

For more information and images of Sonic the Hedgehog out and about in London please contact the SEGA press office at Mischief on 020 7100 9999 or sega@mischiefpr.com

The internet is full of Sony fans sobbing their guts up through their eyeballs over the LittleBigPlanet recall hilarity. Here are some of the places you can go to laugh at the mess.

Media Molecule – “I was so excited to get this game. No longer. Sorry, guys, but I’m going to have to cancel my pre-order. You can say it’s about “quality,” but we all know that isn’t true. It is only about fear. Well, you’re a business, first and foremost, and of course you have to consider the ramifications of offending fanatical Muslims. Now you’ve offended me, and as such I don’t feel you deserve my money.”

Three Speech – “As much as we’re all about free speech on Three Speech (and we really do want you to debate and discuss how you feel about SCEE and PlayStation) this is obviously a pretty contentious issue, so please try to avoid saying anything too inflammatory in this thread. Try to keep your comments measured and your criticism constructive everyone…”

Sony’s blog – “Since Sony is giving into terrorism, I guess I’ll just cancel my Little Big Planet pre-order and go buy Fable II next week.”

Eurogamer – “Stop having a go at Muslims. It’s PC idiots over at Sony who are massively overreacting.”

Nothing pleases us more than a global PR disaster.

The Dreamcast must’ve been huge in Cuba. It’s practically the country’s national symbol, if the inside of this hotel room is anything to go on.

“Here are some photos of some lamps that were in my hotel room in Cuba. All of them have the Dreamcast logo craftily hidden on them – so craftily, in fact, that you may need to study the pictures a while before finding the logos. I’ve had the photos for a while now but as far as I’m aware they’re still fresh update material” – Craig.

Here’s a slightly closer shot. You can just about make out the logo beneath the lampshade.

Here’s a photo of it with the light turned off, in case you were wondering how it looks with the light turned off.

We could really do with alternate photos taken with the flash, to see what it looks like with the flash. And a photo of the contents of the mini bar would’ve been nice, to add a bit of local colour and see what kind of Toblerones they have in Cuba.

But these pictures are still banal enough for us.

The BBC is doing a quiz about old computers here. It features an appearance by the Saturn, which the BBC erroneously suggests was not successful.

This is not why we don’t pay our license fee.

The way we remember it, Saturn was a SMASH – it’s just unfortunate that the internet wasn’t around at the time to record its many victories in 1995, when, for a few months, it was the best-selling 32-bit console of all. And we’re only on 5/10 because we were rushing.

We suggest a simultaneous ejaculation at 3.15pm, which leaves enough time for lunch to settle down so no one feels nauseous after. Everyone in?

JAPANESE HARDWARE SALES, WEEK ENDING OCTOBER 12

DS: 31,914
PSP: 23,901
Wii: 22,877
360: 7,763
PS2: 6,982
PS3: 5,734

ANALYSIS
At this rate, Sony’s only revenue stream from gaming in 2011 will be the several thousand pounds it generates annually through selling replacement PS2 DVD drive lenses. Today’s news agenda set, as always, by NeoGAF.

This was sent in back in March. We have been sitting on it all this time. Or, rather, we have been waiting for a day when there’s such a lack of quality alternative material available that even a car number plate photograph is welcome.

“I spotted this in a shopping mall car park and thought it was worth taking a photo of with my POWERFUL 2.0 MEGAPIXEL iPhone. Notice that the plate actually says “SONIC” and not “SON1C”, “S0NEC” or sOnIKZZORSzZ1!!1!!” This guy was clearly there from the beginning, and did not jump on the bandwagon with Shadow the Hedgehog” – Johnny.

A SIDE NOTE REGARDING MANLINESS
“On a side note, the car is a Commodore, the type driven by hard men who drink XXXX and work on construction sites. I took this photo while pretending to text so as to not be called a poofta by the owner. He wasn’t actually in the car, but there was still a chance he was somewhere around, hence the shaking hand.”

There are four perfectly innocent photos of the little SEGA car to draw you in and earn your trust, then a horrific image of a man’s SEGA tattoo.

“Some images that could look nice in your website. I haven’t found any SEGA tatoo yet… apart from mine, I mean” – Clozeone.

Ahh, isn’t it sweet?

Isn’t it just the cutest thing?

What a lovely little idea!

TOMORROW: Gold cock rings photo special.