This incredibly evocative and thought-provoking art has now “gone live” on the Sonic 4 site. The piece, supplied untitled, echoes the stripped-down nature of the new Sonic product. The use of white space symbolises the game’s simple approach – the leaves of the tree represent the coming of spring.

As the tree renews itself each year, so too does the Sonic franchise. Let us hope the fruit it bears is not rotted and filled with writhing larvae.

Just imagine – that tree may scroll past while embedded in the background scenery. Makes you think.

A man called “Shark” sent in the two images you see crudely mashed-together below, claiming SEGA All-Stars Racing is guilty of copying and pasting the likeness of Italian singer Little Tony to represent Shenmue star Ryo.

Basically, we haven’t got any other material to use today and can’t face opening the Hotmail Account of Doom.

Here’s a bigger one of Little Tony, for your files.

The laughably useless “plot” area of the Sonic 4 web site is… very poor. As in, written by someone not entirely au fait with assembling words. We have screencapped it, for posterity.

We weren’t going to mention this at all, until we saw the use of “fly’s” in this bit. Putting the apostrophe there makes it mean something that belongs to a fly, or worse still, a shortened version of “fly is”.

Bizarre sentences, made worse through random comma placement.

“Then it was all a dream and mum came in with some fresh biscuits”.

PREVIOUSLY ON ‘LOST’.

Although… perhaps we are once again over-analysing a product aimed at children?

A prize to anyone who reads all the way through this one.

Now we can say “We told you so” when it turns out rubbish.

The official Sonic 4 site is dripping with timers, as the SEGA of today loves doing that endless teasing thing to get children and teenagers who don’t know any better excited. There’s a trailer featuring literally ZERO gameplay footage up there at the moment.

And the plot is also revealed. You’ll never guess what’s happened.

We will be spending all of today making a video in which Hitler expresses his anger that Cream The Rabbit is not a playable character in Sonic 4. Can no one else have or do that idea, please? Thanks. What tool do people use for doing the subtitles?

Blimey, never thought we’d be typing those words in that particular order. Let’s try typing that again, and see how it feels…

Sonic The Hedgehog 4.

Felt pretty good. We’re probably supposed to be excited about this, but we’re going to hold off on the exclamation marks until we know who’s doing the development. There’s a chance it’s been outsourced to Backbone Entertainment, and we don’t want to be excited about something that’s going to turn out shit with button presses that lag half a second behind the action.

There are some screenshots and facts about Sonic 4 (typing felt nice) on Gamespot. We have not got around to reading any of the facts yet. We are too scared. We have not yet “come to terms” with this development.

VG247 comment-leavers point out that a trailer can be viewed over at Jeux Video. It shows literally THREE SECONDS of the new game and contains Comic Mischief.

Time has not been kind to Ryo, but then he has spent the last eight years doing admin work for one of the shipping companies based in the docks, using a really old CRT monitor – hence what’s happened to his eyes.

Eight long, hard, real-time years.

Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing really is the ‘Celebrity Big Brother’ of the games world, thanks to the way it gives so many ageing, long-forgotten stars one more shot at the BIG TIME. If this game does well, Ryo will be able to pay off his mortgage and retire.

Here is Sumo Digital man and good interview–giver “SOL” explaining to some people on the internet why NiGHTS isn’t a playable/raceable character in SEGA & Sonic All-Stars. Believe it or not, games still MATTER to some people THAT MUCH. Crazy, isn’t it? People getting all bothered about pretend things. Madness.

We have left the “emoticon” HTML instructions in the text, so you can see where emotion was intended, and also corrected one possessive apostrophe error.

“Right then – first off… We didn’t forget NiGHTS!

“Just since you’ve all been trying to make him out from that blurry capture from Youtube, I figured we better put a nicer shot out! Consider this an exclusive (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

“We’ve given NiGHTS a very important role. He starts all the races, and also finishes them too! He also resides over Time Trial, whenever you set a new lap record, you’ll have NiGHTS flying along with you celebrating!

“I have to admit the main reason he’s in was after we saw your heartfelt pleas, especially those of DiGi and TRiPPY, we had to make sure NiGHTS was in and played an important role. After all, we really didn’t want them to burn all their collection now. So whilst he’s not playable, he very much made it in, and as a result of the huge amount of support for the character that you all showed.

“Does this mean that NiGHTS may not be in future DLC? Well who can say. That’s a question I can’t answer right now – it all depends on how well the game does (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

“Anyway – cat’s out of the bag, so I figured we best make it official!

“Now, I can look forward to yet more ‘Don’t forget Flagman!’ posts I’m sure (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)”

We propose a new INTERNET JOKE – when you say something that’s meant to be funny, you type “(IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)” so people know it was a joke and you weren’t just being an arse. It might be worth copying & pasting that into a Word document, to save on having to type it every time you need it.

NEW INTERNET JOKE TEST RUN:
Can’t wait to get this, it’s bound to be right at home on the Wii controller (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

That odd “SEGA Zone” or indeed “Zone SEGA” thing that’s been doing the rounds on the internet is literally nothing to do with SEGA – you’ve been able to buy a generic version of it in Nintendo Wii white for a long time. And eBay is flooded with the things.

You’ve even been able to buy it for £15.99 for a long time, albeit without the SEGA games. But ask yourself this question – do you really need to play Columns again? And did you ever need to play Kid Chameleon in the first place?

“It looks bloody awful but I guess this is that base unit that SEGA is attaching its name to and sticking an extra chip inside of with a few MD classics. Pathetic, really” – Tomston.

You can even ride bananas. You can EVEN ride bananas. You can even ride BANANAS. Don’t bother waiting for the irony to start – IT NEVER DOES.

No one mentions that you can “be the man from Shenmue”.

Despite DOA Paradise being a PSP game we are “doing something” on it because we got sent this YESTERDAY under an EMBARGO for today! You have no idea how important and trustworthy that makes us feel.

We are slowly rebuilding those fire-damaged bridges. Next thing you know a courier from Microsoft will turn up with numerous Halo products and some free bags and t-shirts.

That’s a selection of the screenshots. We could’ve uploaded these yesterday, but DID NOT because we CAN BE TRUSTED.

This is some of the artwork in a bigger format. We used to like DoA artwork, but it’s looking a bit creepy these days, isn’t it?

We hope we are allowed to use the artwork. Didn’t check that. We can be trusted, but don’t always check everything.

That’s enough. We have proven we can be trusted. We didn’t even say anything about their weird feet.

TECMO KOEI GIVES GAMERS ‘PARADISE IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND’!

DEAD OR ALIVE: Paradise coming exclusively to Sony PSP.

Hertfordshire, UK- January 22nd 2010 – Tecmo Koei Europe Ltd proudly reveal the next installment of the hugely popular DEAD OR ALIVE series – DEAD OR ALIVE: Paradise.

Featuring all the DEAD OR ALIVE lovelies, basking in the tropical sun of ‘New Zack Island’ you will be able to mingle, flirt, play, take snapshots, and challenge the girls in various mini-games found throughout your private island in the best looking PSP game yet.

Boasting the most beautiful 3D female characters even seen in any PSP title, you will be able to indulge in beach volleyball, pool hopping, as well as visiting the revamped casino resort run by the enigmatic ‘Rio’. With an exhaustive shopping option as well, spend your hard-earned ZACK currency on hundreds of cool items, from clothes to gadgets then keep them for yourself or give them as gifts to your new girlfriends. The more gifts you give, the stronger your bond with them will grow.

You’ll also be able to snap candid photos of your giggling beauties in their beachwear which you can store in your very own private photo album and collect ‘Venus Clips’ to enjoy later. It’s all on-the-go, and all in the palm of your hand. Take your girls anywhere. Play with them any time.