This is great news for SEGA. If Sony has to pay $0.02 in royalties to SEGA for every copy of GT5 it sells, this could be SEGA’s most profitable game in over a decade. And it didn’t even have to lift a finger.

“I was just watching a video of GT5 that compares it to real life, mainly just so I could laugh at how it doesn’t look photorealistic at all (it doesn’t), and I noticed something a little odd. First I thought it was just that the sky was a little too blue, but then I noticed this. As you can see, this screenshot of GT5 has SEGA in it. I don’t know why. Game is likely to be a little bit less shit now” – Lewie.

Coming to both “big” consoles via their online shops, soon. Screenshots here (three days ago).

We’re considering Afterburner Climax the final death-twitch of SEGA Japan. What’s left to come that’s good after this?

Not for the first time, this is not as good at it initially sounds.

Wouldn’t even go up your bottom. 3/10.

This ludicrous internet reveal about who’s NOT going to be in “Project Needlemouse” is quite possibly the most tedious thing SEGA’s done, at least since someone at Sonic Team watched “Pulp Fiction” for the 20th time and decided it would be cool to do a game about a black hedgehog who runs around with a gun.

Just say who it is, then we’ll pretend to be excited, then you send us the game, then we’ll pretend it’s good. The same old MERRY-GO-ROUND OF FALSE PRETENCE.

We would like to wager TEN POUNDS that the SEGA All-Stars Racing Wii box will claim this innovation “Puts you at the heart of the action like never before”, probably with an exclamation mark and Official Nintendo Magazine’s overly-generous 8/10 review score on a red starburst beside it.

Both will then be covered up by a sticker saying £19.99 then a sticker saying £17.99 then a sticker saying £14.99 then a sticker saying TWO FOR £24.99 then a sticker saying FOR RECYCLING RETURN TO DISTRIBUTOR SUPPLY #34155. They will then re-emerge in the retail chain as Pot Noodle containers.

We don’t want that to happen, it’s just an extrapolation based on previous scenarios where we’ve got excited and have then been let down.

That’s you, literally IN THE ACTION. It takes a special kind of screenshot to reduce us to tears.

“The more logos you put on the box, Mike, the more customers will think the product is of a high quality”.

Does it really need EIGHT logos? Make that NINE logos, once the discount sticker gets put on the thing after 10 days on sale. Nothing sums up Sony’s current-gen MALAISE better than the GT5 debacle.

An ice shuffle. A nice shuffle. A wank. Have a wank while thinking about SEGA. Warm your ‘mouse hand’ up fist, though, else it’ll shrivel away to nothing.

“SEGA has made a new game that anyone with a PC can play! A ‘Virtual Curling’ game would probably suck but SEGA has taken the ‘idea’ of curling and made Ice Shuffle – a fun puzzle game!” – Scott.

Couldn’t be bothered playing a whole game through to the end, but you might not be so jaded and miserable that it could be of some entertainment to you. The music sounds nice on a loop in the background, we’ll give it that.

Final Fight: Double Impact, which we may purchase in honour and memory of the astounding Mega CD version, the creation of which was Capcom’s most selfless and generous act. It won’t arrive until April of 2010, which gives us ample time to remember where all the leads are and to get an Ethernet cable long enough to go to where the phone is now.

Hopefully there’ll be a MEGA CD Mode, where it randomly crashes every 10 minutes because the CD bit doesn’t connect to the Mega Drive properly.

We seem to have become some sort of focal point for Dreamcast developers, probably because we’re one of the few sites so clearly desperate for content and incredibly unaware of “SEO” and current internet trends we’re prepared to mention “Dreamcast” in this day and age.

So here, to help UKR move a few pages further down the Google page rankings, is Irides: Master of Blocks.

The nice man from the publisher who sent us the information didn’t say if he had acquired licensing rights to the Lumines series or not.

They’re releasing a limited edition version that only consists of 144 copies. No one does “limited” like Dreamcast publishers. The maker/publisher has an extremely minimal web site here, if you want to know more.

This takes us back to when we used to like Lumines. Still like Lumines. Lumines and DS Animal Crossing mark the “Peak Gaming” period of modern mankind. It has all been downhill since.

Here’s the press release. They have resorted to saying the game is easy to learn yet tough to master. We are available for hire at competitive freelance rates to “jazz up” press releases if you’re struggling.

Dreamcast Title Irides: Master of Blocks standard and Limited Edition set for release on “Blocks Day” 12/12

Irides: Master of Blocks is an incredible puzzler game where the player has to match blocks of similar colors together to eliminate them, score points and create combos. The faster that the blocks are connected and the more blocks there are, the better the score when they are eliminated! Just like all of the great classic puzzle games, Irides: Master of Blocks is an easy concept, but one that is tough to master!

Irides: Master of Blocks contains over 30 levels of content, challenging players with different Power Blocks to either assist or hamper your progression through the game. Players can also attempt to become the Master of Blocks with a friend in Co-Op mode, progressing through the game with both players playing in the same playfield. A two-to-four player multiplayer mode allows players to face off against friends or foes to see who is the true Master of Blocks! Friends not around to play? Submit scores online to see who the best in the universe at smashing blocks is!

[Read the rest of this entry…]

A bit of a blip in the copy editing department has Square Enix boasting about the Xbox 360 version of some nonsense game it’s making on PlayStation Network. This made the man so happy he had to take two photos of his screen.

At least he’s not kneeling in front of the TV at 7.30am trying to take a photo of Kate Garraway uncrossing her legs.

“We have good news from the front. We have managed to infiltrate enemy lines, modifying ‘PSN’ one download at a time, to bring glory to the cause. The reconnaissance photos are of poor quality, but the mission was fraught with difficulty. We lost some good men out there; Squiffy, Dabbers and Little Dribbler. But their efforts were not in vain” – Private Jarvis.

Private Jarvis had made the error of thinking we want any particular side to “win” this war. A complete loss for everyone and the destruction of everything and a return to grass-roots wooden hobbies is the only end game we want to see.