OK, so we’re going through a demotivated phase. Hopefully Sony will do something stupid tonight and we’ll be all excited again. Until then…

“Recently I came across this photo which my girlfriend took whilst travel ling through Pisa. As you can see from the photos – this is clearly the new Dreamcast flagship store, which must be opening up sometime soon.”

“Included is a close up of the store’s sign for your titillation” – Paul.

Has nothing to do with Sonic. It’s like when we used to think it was funny to put up photographs of Carol Vorderman or Anna Kournikova. It just doesn’t make any sense.

“I was walking to work the other day when I came across these posters on two successive newspaper boxes. Obviously someone is promoting the Kings and Queens mash up featuring DJ Quinces pretty heavily. I’m not entirely sure what the event is although I know Buddies in Bad Times Theatre is the home for ‘Queer Theatre’ in Toronto so I assume the event is, at the very least, a bit gay. I’m also not familiar with DJ Quinces. For all I know he/she may be a student DJ and therefore not even a real DJ. It’s also unclear how Sonic is involved” – James.

Perhaps “Buddies in Bad Times” refers to the current gaming malaise in which Sonic and friends currently fester, hence the use of the art?

There are some benefits to going outside where other people are – you might see something related to SEGA! Don’t bother typing in that domain name, it’s expired and points to a contextual list of car-related insurance sites.

“So I step outside last night and the first thing I see is this flagrant disrespecting of a registered SEGA trademark. I wonder if they asked SEGA if they can name their lorry company after the finest 16-BIT console? I DOUBT IT.”

“Taken with iPhone’s unspeakably shit camera in Leicester Square – I think the MegaDrive lorry was setting up some sort of film premier or something” – Adam.

It looks like the manufacturer of whatever this is stole a bit of Ulala fan art off the internet, rightly assuming that only a few losers on a few gaming blogs would notice.

“I saw this in a shop today: a product with some anime girls drawn on the package to appeal to young girls, but one of them shall look familiar to you…” – Adamis.

A man risked losing face with his wife and members of the public by taking photographs of a work-in-progress SEGA installation that’s being set up in the Bluewater shopping centre. SEGA, meanwhile, is risking losing face by copying one of Sony’s most ridiculous claims – FOUR DIMENSIONAL ENTERTAINMENT.

“Imagine my surprise when I actually went out one night to Bluewater with the wife. Sega have a 4D motion ride that was being assembled.”

“Ignore the quality of the photos, the camera on my Sony X1 has the focusing ability of a man with cataracts.”

“Thought you might like to see the stand. I’m still fuming about the Saturn and Dreamcast and don’t need to see this shit” – Rusebke.

Seeing as we’re back in the spiral phase, here’s another nice sighting. Of more interest in this series of shots is this rare insight it gives us into how some human males exist in the year 2009. This update will hopefully be of some interest to future anthropologists. So it’s OK if it is of no interest to you NOW.

Future observers may ponder why, for example, have those three bottles been taped together?

“I was cleaning up our garage after a particularly messy night, when something previously unseen caught my eye.”

“As has become tradition, I have taken three photos whilst getting closer to the objects of interest. I like the last one as it looks like a frog feeling rather ill after eating a few too many cigarette butts” – Tim.

“(Oh, was using a crappy LG camera phone, hence the shite quality)”

If the fabric is rockin’ don’t come a-knockin’ – I’m rocking backwards and forwards in my van because I’ve just lost all my savings on the stock market and got made redundant last month, although I am still leaving the house at 7.55am every day so it looks like I still have a job.

Spotted by a “Darren” who concocted the sort of half-baked LIE we would expect to hear from a person called Darren.

“Me and my pals are hoping to make it all the way to E3 in America to see the official launch of the rocking new Dreamcast console. We reckon it will beat the new ‘funstation’, or what ever it’s called from Sony. What does Sony know about gaming anyway, it makes video players! I thought I would send you a picture of our awesome van we are using. We customized it special, hope you like it” – Darren.

Igromir is a Russian video games show, held earlier this month. It offered a unique take on the usual tired Western expo. What we mean by that is “here are some photos of it, mostly featuring women”.

We found it while searching the internet for photos of rough women doing Bayonetta cosplay. Not that this one’s rough, we just have this idea that the Bayonetta woman will take over from Lara Croft as the woman women who are into games will dress up as, as she’s quite sexy but also has that “troublesome” midriff area covered up.

Most of the photos nicked off some bloke’s Flickr page. The rudest one is this one. She’s too rude to go on here.

It’s the Element of War girls! We certainly always associate girls in orange cheerleader costumes with PC RTS games. From left to right – Colonel Olga Kuryenko, Lieutenant Commander Tatanya Illievskya, and Field General Lady Silvava Bondarenko.

A booth girl looking at the bottom of a rival booth girl. The Russians know how to put on a show.

On the positive side, a man found the most INCREDIBLY GAY Sonic-branded leather jacket imaginable. If you were Mark Owen, in the year 1995, you might’ve been able to get away with wearing this in a Take That video.

“Hello again. I was the guy who made that Sega Arcade in Tokyo update. I have more hot Sega action, even though I’m back in the States.”

“This jacket had been on the rack at a store in Harajuku for about three months when I went there in August. I’m pretty sure it’s still there. I’m not going to apologize for not buying it, but keep in mind I weigh 50 kilos and look how badly it fits me. Also, I’m not going to apologize for the pictures being blurry because I didn’t take them. I’m sure you can still buy it (it’s one of a kind I’m sure) and say it’s for your girlfriend.”

“I also went back to the arcade from the original update and found it condemned” – Rudie.

At least it gave the world an exciting vision of the sort of fonts we may see on our buildings in some possible future.

Not found in Japan – found in “Topman in Westfield London” by a man called “Iain”.

Iain said he couldn’t be bothered writing anything proper and that we should just make something up…

CREAM’S SEXY SHOPPING SPREE
By M. Zorg

“Come on now little lady, there’s no escaping it!” said the mummy rabbit, pulling her struggling daughter out from beneath her little wooden bed by grabbing her orange shoes and yanking her across the floor.

“But mommy! I really don’t need any new clothes!” blustered the little girl rabbit, her bottom lip poking out so far it surely must have stuck out further than her cute little nose.

Mommy, however, wasn’t taking no for an answer. Little Cream got through clothes like nobody’s business. Always out on some rough and tumble adventure with her friends, always coming home with something ripped, something torn to shreds or something bursting apart at the seams.

“Come on now, Cream, you can’t wear that dress any more. It’s ripped. Look, I can see your tummy through that hole!”

Mommy rabbit poked a soft, hairy finger at Cream’s midriff, pulling the ripped fabric aside to reveal her daughter’s downy little belly and sinewy muscles. You may even have got a quick glimpse of the top of her pants.

“And look at these things!” said mommy. “My, they’ve grown quickly. We’ll need to get you a proper bra now!”

****

“Hey Sonic! What are you doing here?!”

Sonic froze, then started speaking in hushed tones.

“Oh, er, just… just shopping for clothes” the blue hedgehog said, his pink face bit suddenly looking much redder than usual.

“Who are you here with?” asked Cream, holding up a pair of small white cotton panties against her slender frame to judge the fit.

“Oh… just some… friends…” Sonic said, as he shrunk away lower and lower, as if he was about to roll into a ball right there in the shopping centre.

“SONIIIIIIIIIIIC! Where are you? Why don’t you try these LOVELY UNDERPANTS on for me?” cackled an old woman – it was Sonic’s mum!

“Aw, mum, not now” mumbled the hedgehog.

“Yes, now! I’ve got to get home – it’s chilli dogs for tea! You like chilli dogs, don’t you? I know you do, now take these pants and try them on.

“Aw, mum, can’t I just play on the rides with Cream?”

Sonic’s mum was thoroughly fed up of her boy’s enthusiasm. She’d chased him all the way through the bakery section, run after him as he leapt from car-to-car in the car park, then had to apologise to astonished customers as he sprinted the wrong way up the downward escalators.

She grabbed Sonic by the neck with one hand, and carried him into the changing room.

“Cream, you go in there with him. Make sure he doesn’t run away. I’ll wait outside”

*****

“Can you, like, turn around, Cream?” Sonic asked, clearly not enjoying the claustrophoc atmosphere of the tiny changing room.

“What?! Why? You never usually wear clothes anyway, Sonic!” Cream laughed,

“Look, I’m not shy!”

Cream lifted her dress clean over her head.

“See?”

Sonic sighed and turned around, quickly pulling on the underpants that bore his name. The underpants were baggy enough that he didn’t have to take his shoes off, which was at least one good thing about this terrible situation. Sonic turned around.

“OK. Are these OK? Please say yes, then we can spilt this joint” Sonic asked Cream, trying desperately to maintain eye contact and not to look at her nakedness.

“Gee, Sonic, those pants are no good – they’ve got a hole in the front of them – look!”

Cream grabbed the front of Sonic’s Sonic underpants and gestured to the seam.

Sonic started mumbling… “I think that’s supposed to be there, it’s so you can…”

“I can practically fit my whole hand through that gap!” she exclaimed, getting more and more enthusiastic, probably because the thrill of getting caught was turning her on.

This should probably be The End now, before their mums appear and join in.