The enemy continues to waste its money pushing its “PlayStation3” “entertainment” consoles onto an uncaring and unwanting world, with the foolish hardware maker STILL losing money on every PS3 it TRICKS unaware civilians into buying.

And this despite the enemy boasting of recent engineering efficiencies!

Image taken from a propaganda leaflet air-dropped in by Kotaku, which claims PS3 costs $336.27 to make – and sells for less. And that’s before you take into account the cost of the box, and all the shit games Sony rams into the packaging in order to make it look like some sort of “deal”.

THE DREAMCAST LOGO, THAT’S WHAT!

Spotted in the skies over Norway. “Bizarre spiral” and “computer generated” are relevant enough keywords to convince us it’s Dreamcast related. Possibly the Dreamcast coming back through time from an alternate future timeline where it ruled all and became self-aware and developed time travel. Something like that. It would make a better film than Terminator Salvation.

If this turns out to be viral marketing for “2012” this post will be retrospectively deleted, so don’t spend too much time on your comments.

“You’ve probably been sent this a million times this past hour but this is clearly proof that Sega is bringing back the Dreamcast in 2010 and has announced this by scaring the shit out of some Norwegians with an impressive publicity stunt. Since it’s from the Daily Mail website, I’d give it half an hour before Jan Moir accuses it of being “unnatural” and suggesting that’s why it died out quite quickly” – Chris.

Or Merry Christmas to one. Merry Christmas to the one person who still insists on hanging about inside PlayStation Home, to see if Sony has discovered or invented a reason for it to exist yet.

Look, there’s a Christmas tree in Home now. Each bauble represents a unique microtransaction opportunity on behalf of the brand sponsors.

She’s turned away so we can’t see the tears. And do you know what’s inside those gift boxes? Nothing. They are symbolic hollow structures that represent the emptiness of Home itself.

Final Fight: Double Impact, which we may purchase in honour and memory of the astounding Mega CD version, the creation of which was Capcom’s most selfless and generous act. It won’t arrive until April of 2010, which gives us ample time to remember where all the leads are and to get an Ethernet cable long enough to go to where the phone is now.

Hopefully there’ll be a MEGA CD Mode, where it randomly crashes every 10 minutes because the CD bit doesn’t connect to the Mega Drive properly.

We seem to have become some sort of focal point for Dreamcast developers, probably because we’re one of the few sites so clearly desperate for content and incredibly unaware of “SEO” and current internet trends we’re prepared to mention “Dreamcast” in this day and age.

So here, to help UKR move a few pages further down the Google page rankings, is Irides: Master of Blocks.

The nice man from the publisher who sent us the information didn’t say if he had acquired licensing rights to the Lumines series or not.

They’re releasing a limited edition version that only consists of 144 copies. No one does “limited” like Dreamcast publishers. The maker/publisher has an extremely minimal web site here, if you want to know more.

This takes us back to when we used to like Lumines. Still like Lumines. Lumines and DS Animal Crossing mark the “Peak Gaming” period of modern mankind. It has all been downhill since.

Here’s the press release. They have resorted to saying the game is easy to learn yet tough to master. We are available for hire at competitive freelance rates to “jazz up” press releases if you’re struggling.

Dreamcast Title Irides: Master of Blocks standard and Limited Edition set for release on “Blocks Day” 12/12

Irides: Master of Blocks is an incredible puzzler game where the player has to match blocks of similar colors together to eliminate them, score points and create combos. The faster that the blocks are connected and the more blocks there are, the better the score when they are eliminated! Just like all of the great classic puzzle games, Irides: Master of Blocks is an easy concept, but one that is tough to master!

Irides: Master of Blocks contains over 30 levels of content, challenging players with different Power Blocks to either assist or hamper your progression through the game. Players can also attempt to become the Master of Blocks with a friend in Co-Op mode, progressing through the game with both players playing in the same playfield. A two-to-four player multiplayer mode allows players to face off against friends or foes to see who is the true Master of Blocks! Friends not around to play? Submit scores online to see who the best in the universe at smashing blocks is!

[Read the rest of this entry…]

Their words, not ours. Although it does have a good ring to it. We’ll save it to use next year and claim as our own.

We’re not doing this out of any sort of charitable feeling or ambition, in case you were wondering. It’s just “content”. Everything is just “content”. And if we upload this one they might trust us with the Liz McClarnon one, in which you may be able to see her shoes.

A bit of a blip in the copy editing department has Square Enix boasting about the Xbox 360 version of some nonsense game it’s making on PlayStation Network. This made the man so happy he had to take two photos of his screen.

At least he’s not kneeling in front of the TV at 7.30am trying to take a photo of Kate Garraway uncrossing her legs.

“We have good news from the front. We have managed to infiltrate enemy lines, modifying ‘PSN’ one download at a time, to bring glory to the cause. The reconnaissance photos are of poor quality, but the mission was fraught with difficulty. We lost some good men out there; Squiffy, Dabbers and Little Dribbler. But their efforts were not in vain” – Private Jarvis.

Private Jarvis had made the error of thinking we want any particular side to “win” this war. A complete loss for everyone and the destruction of everything and a return to grass-roots wooden hobbies is the only end game we want to see.

Rapidly emerging UK developer Terrier Games has listened to you, the consumer, and made a number of key changes to that Sonic game it released late last week. Youths will be pleased to hear that a “skyboarding” level has been lovingly crafted in the space of several hours, while old men who just can’t be bothered any more will be happy that it is now a bit easier.

“I have reworked the difficulty, changed a background and generally spruced things up. I have also added an extra level, where Sonic goes skyboarding. I’m a bit like Codemasters, only less of a cunt and I don’t charge for DLC that fixes things that shouldn’t have been broken in the first place” – Terrier Games.

CHANGE LIST:
– Increased the time limit for Sonic smacking himself up to 15 seconds.
– Put more syringes in the first few levels.
– Removed some of the enemies.
– Put some more extra lives in.
– Got rid of the awful, awful background to level two that hurt my eyes.
– Added an extra level, where Sonic skyboards into Tokyo from a helicopter.

DOWNLOAD IT:
From here.

This can’t be right. It looks exactly the same. That’s not the idea of it, is it? To make a new thing exactly the same as an old thing?

Have they really spent lots of time and effort making something that looks exactly the same as the old game? Is it just so SEGA has got something to sell to replace all the disintegrating old Daytona USA machines?

Found on some French site by a man who might be called “dash” or “2001” as it was quite hard to tell from his email address.

Not the words of UKR, so we can’t get in trouble for posting this. They are the words of English Russia, which has got a whole load of photos of this rudeness, taken at a LAN gaming event that featured… strippers.

WARNING: The link contains some censored “tits out” shots and also some “LAN party” images, both of which might be embarrassing to have pulled out of your IT department’s log files at your next performance review.

You can tell by her shoes she doesn’t belong there, and has in fact been paid to spend exactly one hour there. She’s got some trainers and tracksuit trousers in her bag to wear home. We know how they operate.

The one on the left genuinely does not know what to do and is wishing she wasn’t there, or he was at home on his own watching a video of this all happen. Poor one on the left. The one on the right is thinking he does know what to do, and is trying to make it look like he knows what to do, just in case. Poor the one on the right. Poor everyone.