THE DREAMCAST LOGO, THAT’S WHAT!

Spotted in the skies over Norway. “Bizarre spiral” and “computer generated” are relevant enough keywords to convince us it’s Dreamcast related. Possibly the Dreamcast coming back through time from an alternate future timeline where it ruled all and became self-aware and developed time travel. Something like that. It would make a better film than Terminator Salvation.

If this turns out to be viral marketing for “2012” this post will be retrospectively deleted, so don’t spend too much time on your comments.

“You’ve probably been sent this a million times this past hour but this is clearly proof that Sega is bringing back the Dreamcast in 2010 and has announced this by scaring the shit out of some Norwegians with an impressive publicity stunt. Since it’s from the Daily Mail website, I’d give it half an hour before Jan Moir accuses it of being “unnatural” and suggesting that’s why it died out quite quickly” – Chris.

Or Merry Christmas to one. Merry Christmas to the one person who still insists on hanging about inside PlayStation Home, to see if Sony has discovered or invented a reason for it to exist yet.

Look, there’s a Christmas tree in Home now. Each bauble represents a unique microtransaction opportunity on behalf of the brand sponsors.

She’s turned away so we can’t see the tears. And do you know what’s inside those gift boxes? Nothing. They are symbolic hollow structures that represent the emptiness of Home itself.

Sonic The Hedgehog TORN LIMB-FROM-LIMB in SEGA’s US office, as team members laugh and mill about while poking his dismembered remains.

They’re attempting to wrap the corpse up in bubble wrap. Perhaps they plan to “post” his body as one final insult?

Head and extremities have been removed in an attempt to mask the identity of the victim, but unless they also plan to peel that recognisable blue fur off it won’t help much.

Head kept as a trophy.

Arm kept as a cheaper trophy.

This is the longest in-the-doing UKR update there’s ever been. The photos were taken and submitted by a reader in October of 2007, saved to a folder on the desktop in November of 2008 and finally uploaded to the internet on [PUT IN DATE HERE BEFORE UPLOADING UPDATE]. Quite a journey!

In that time we have:

1. Lost the original email

2. Lost the photo of the cover

3. Forgotten if there was a photo of the cover or not

So here it is. Some scans of the Sonic The Hedgehog Joke Book.

Also, several attempts at “doing” this update have ended in tragedy – the draft not appearing, forgetting to save it before closing the browser – it is almost as if this update is HAUNTED or in some way DOOMED.

That bottom one isn’t a joke, it’s more of an un-amusing fictional anecdote. Perhaps compiling this book is where Ricky Gervais cut his teeth?

Yet more proof that Sonic was never really targeted at an adult audience.

Eggs puns. It can’t get any worse than this.

More eggs puns. It can’t get any worse than this.

This has triggered a memory – the person that sent in the photos apologised on behalf of their young self for colouring in some of the drawings.

At least they didn’t go over the lines, and have shown good awareness of fish by attempting a nice rainbow effect on that pike.

This is grim.

There’s still lots to go.

Hopefully this “haunted update” will crash the server when we press “Publish”, therefore saving you all the misery of reading.

We’ve found the email – sent in by a Mr Jimmy Carr.

Goldfish haven’t got anything to do with Sonic.

We sympathise with the book’s creator. That duck joke is the final bit of writing of a broken man.

This is less fun than staring at Twitter.

Haven’t heard the “Quiche of life” one. That’s OK. That’s the highlight so far.

The horse joke is assuming too much knowledge of equine terminology.

Many apologies are in order to everyone.

Everyone on the internet is scoffing free sweets from SEGA, except us. But it’s not SEGA’s fault. We’ve moved house four times in two years, edging further away from civilisation and reality each time. That’ll be why we don’t even get sent games from SNK any more. Even the emails of XBLA game codes seem to have dried up. Such a sorry state of affairs.

Here’s Adam with some photos of his three calendars.

“This morning was more exciting than most mornings, when Postie showed up with a large-ish box with SEGA written on it! At first it reminded me of the old days when SEGA used to send out Dreamcast stuff or whatever and it always had SEGA on the postage and it was all exciting. Actually it turned out to be this year’s OFFICIAL SEGA ADVENT CALENDAR complete with FAIRTRADE CERTIFIED CHOCOLATE. The fact Sega is making this and coming up with a unique Christmassy Sonic bit of artwork shows that there are people at Sega who DO STILL CARE, and the Fairtrade thing obviously means that SEGA still represents GOOD instead of EVIL.”

“I was very upset last year to lose to “Adam 1” in the Sega Advent Calendar Photography Competition, so this year I tried about 2% harder. I include full resolution snaps of the THREE chocolate calendars Mr SEGA sent (what the fuck’s he trying to say?), as well as a picture of the Exciting Box Arrival phase. For my hard work on this update, all I ask is that you update the Kikizo link under Friends to Video Games Daily, as that is what it’s called now. We’re currently planning an update about Shenmue 4 news, so stay tuned for that” – Adam.

He’s a bit young to be having a combover, the poor kid.

He’s called Michael Perham and he’s a sailor, hence the clothes.

Final Fight: Double Impact, which we may purchase in honour and memory of the astounding Mega CD version, the creation of which was Capcom’s most selfless and generous act. It won’t arrive until April of 2010, which gives us ample time to remember where all the leads are and to get an Ethernet cable long enough to go to where the phone is now.

Hopefully there’ll be a MEGA CD Mode, where it randomly crashes every 10 minutes because the CD bit doesn’t connect to the Mega Drive properly.

A reader found these. They are of light/mild interest because that blotchy, bruised skin is supposedly the skin of a lady. No idea what part of a lady, so you’ll have to invent the scene in which she slowly reveals them to you in your own minds.

“I was doing some Level 3 stalking of some woman I saw on a dating web site and found these pictures and I thought I would be a good idea to send them to you. I need to go and cry myself to sleep while watching my train set go around like a record” – Jim.

No idea what part that might be. It bulges out like it might be a bit of poorly-maintained side, and that may be a waistband bottom-left – but it’s tough to really narrow it down. Could be a monstrous arm, for example.

A whole new generation of awkward children is being prepared to take our place! If we lock this boy in a bedroom for the next 14 years and feed him on toast, television and late-night free-to-air soft pornography, he may emerge as the next new UKR guest contributor.

“I was whiling away the time watching BBC Three’s magnificent hard-hitting reality drama Young Hairdresser of the Year, vaguely masturbating to several contestants while trying not to be put off by the Vernon Kay wannabe host, when suddenly my eye was caught by the sight of a small child. Before we all rush to call the police to my house, have a very careful look at the boy’s shirt”.

“I suspect that the roughly 4 seconds of airtime enjoyed by said shirt may be the most exposure Sonic has had on national television since 1927, and I have a very good grasp of time and other things like that” – Joseph.

If the fabric is rockin’ don’t come a-knockin’ – I’m rocking backwards and forwards in my van because I’ve just lost all my savings on the stock market and got made redundant last month, although I am still leaving the house at 7.55am every day so it looks like I still have a job.

Spotted by a “Darren” who concocted the sort of half-baked LIE we would expect to hear from a person called Darren.

“Me and my pals are hoping to make it all the way to E3 in America to see the official launch of the rocking new Dreamcast console. We reckon it will beat the new ‘funstation’, or what ever it’s called from Sony. What does Sony know about gaming anyway, it makes video players! I thought I would send you a picture of our awesome van we are using. We customized it special, hope you like it” – Darren.