SEGA Rally 3 is an arcade version of last year’s console remake, apparently, stuck on a PC-based bit of arcade kit with more power than SEGA’s Lindbergh board. Someone sent us photos of it when it was on test under the name of “Super Challenge” a few months ago, but we didn’t use the photos because it looked like a cheap Chinese rip-off.

Not a cheap Chinese rip-off. It is, in fact, a reason to visit an arcade again for the first time since 2005.

“I’ll see if I get more time and get some better pics of the machine and a vid of it in motion. I didn’t see anyone else play it, but I was feeling proper rocked about when I sat in there!”

“Hope this is good enough, I was gonna send you a picture of a tramp walking around with Sonic the Hedgehog woolly hat, but I accidentally deleted the pic. Oh, and any chance you can put GHZ on the side of your “For people who asked nicely” for a link? THANKS!

Sick, sexist game news portal Gamasutra has compiled a blatantly SEXIST list of women in games. Gamasutra is clearly only doing this to generate “hits” from pathetic men who enjoy objectifying women and then ranking them – not by ability or talent – on physical appearance alone.

Gamasutra is clearly hinting that Jessica Tams (left) and Jennifer MacLean are the only “woulds” out of the whole bunch. Although we would also suggest that Gamasutra probably has a thing for the matronly charms of Perrin Kaplan. Gamasutra is a DISGRACE.

It’s your weekly glimpse through the looking glass, into the world where we try to convince other people we are grown-ups that know what’s going on and aren’t just making it all up on the spot.

This thing about football being for idiots and builders.

This thing about the unfortunate life of Richard Gaywood.

This thing about what Greenpeace moaned about this week.

This thing which is about politics.

This thing about what Aaron Greenberg said this week. We really hope Aaron Googles his name some time and sends us an email so we can concoct AWESOME SCHEMES together to take down Sony.

This thing about the Dreamcast First Aid Kit, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

Adequate. Made it through unscathed. No one died or got grassed up. 5/10.

Finally, the cat is out of the bag! Fanta leaked the news last week, now SEGA has released the following official image of Saturn II:

Taken from SEGA Europe’s amazing Flickr pages. That’s OFFICIAL CONFIRMATION of the existence of Saturn II by SEGA. Review units should be out in the next couple of months, prior to what is clearly a winter 2008 release.

Photos so good you can see the ink dots. It’s a Saturn. It’s definitely a Saturn!

“I spotted this over a week ago, back when we had this year’s summer. It’s not a perfect Sega Saturn, but it certainly isn’t any other games console. Just look at the pad! Buttons are probably missing because any extra detail would be lost in the fuzzy printing process.”

“You can just about see that the Fanta competition is currently running, although I know if the can had been from a 1996 promotion and I’d kept it for 12 years it would feel more special. This one got binned because it was a bit sticky, but I reckon it should be possible to pick up more collectable Saturn Fanta cans for a few weeks at least. Tesco are doing a two packs of six for £4 offer – Bander.”

Surely the games world can only take so much of this sort of horrendous onslaught before it mutates and starts eating its own babies?

PLEASE

GOD

MAKE IT

STOP.

It’s not just on bottles. It is also on cans. This marketing campaign is covering the entire spectrum of Fanta beverage containers. SEGA must’ve laid down millions to secure such awesome youth-oriented advertising spaces for the upcoming launch of Saturn II!

Surely the official SEGA press release about Saturn II must be coming out today now Fanta’s broken the embargo?

“I must admit, I kind of thought that this whole SEGA-spotting thing was getting a bit old and possibly even dull, but that was until I did some myself. WOW! It feels so good! Anyway, here’s some pictures of a can of Fanta.”

“I didn’t actually read the back of the can, but it looks like they’re running a competition where you can win something that you want, instead of them selling out to any particular company. BUT LOOK! In order to show everyone what kind of things that they should be wanting, in prime position on the front of the can is a Saturn! Not only that, but a WHITE Saturn! That’s what the kids should lust after these days, not a Sony XBox or whatever. Lots of love, Chris.”

THE CUSTOMARY APOLOGY FOR POOR PHOTOGRAPHIC WORKMANSHIP:
“PS – Sorry about the photo quality. If there’s demand I can use a proper camera to get higher res pictures. Alternatively, this is a piece of SEGA magic that everyone can go and buy from a shop right now, and see in real life resolution.”

TOMORROW:
The highest resolution macro photography of the “Saturn” Fanta tin we can manage.

SEGA Saturn spotted on contemporary Fanta bottle! Clear sign of imminent return to hardware business for the once-dominant force in gaming! Fizzy pop tie-in cleverly designed to target youth demographic!

GLORY DAYS A-COMING A-BACK A-GAIN!

“No this isn’t some Fanta bottle I’ve been keeping since 1996 – this is a brand new Fanta bottle. What is on the side of it? ONLY THE BEST CONSOLE EVER CREATED WHICH HAS BEEN DEAD 10 YEARS! This can only mean… #1 SEGA is planning on re-releasing the Saturn and were planning some sort of launch with Fanta but they have accidentally leaked it….”

“#2 Fanta are giving away prizes which can only be appreciated by those loser kids who were in their late childhood/early teens during 1995 to 1998 and decided to get a Saturn and then stubbornly refused to admit that it was dying and convinced themselves forever that it was the greatest thing in existence and developed a life-long hatred for Sony Computer Entertainment….”

“#3 Fanta requested a nondescript ‘games console’ on the bottle and the art guy got lazy and thought he could copy some console that no one would remember – Louis”

IF YOU ARE THE DESIGNER OF THIS ARTWORK…
Please write in. Clearly whoever designed this is a Saturn fan, in their 30s, male, and loving the irony of getting the image of a Saturn in a modern mainstream media campaign. You no doubt thought the suits would reject the design and tell you to do something that looks more like a PlayStation, but they didn’t. You sneaked it through and can’t believe your luck. Well done. We salute you, anonymous Fanta campaign designer *PINS ENAMEL UKR BADGE TO CHEST OF DESIGNER*

Let this photo serve as a warning to anyone just about to start out in business – what’s popular now might not be so popular in two years (or six weeks) time. Be generic on your signage. Good luck telling the kid working there now that you want a VCD repairing.

“Just thought I’d send you a picture of this sign taken in Manchester’s China Town. The emporium in question stopped stocking Dreamcast stuff years ago, but the sign remains.”

“You can also wander around the surrounding oriental style streets, looking for sailors and fobbing advances from fit girls, like Ryo from Shenmue. That’s what I do. I have been punched a few times though. Cheers! – Father Krishna.”

We’re not just here to catalogue the banal SEGA and SEGA-like objects of yesteryear, you know. Here’s some other junk churned out for various elsewheres over the last seven or so days…

This thing which is a triumphant return to rabble-rousing. You’d think most of these people would have something better to do during the day.

This thing which is more of the same. If but one PlayStation3 owner forgets to login to “PSN” today and doesn’t impulse-buy a game because they were too busy “fire-fighting” on the internet, it will all have been worth it.

This thing which is a review of the Gears of War 2 trailer. Revel in our barely-concealed disgust of the tedious men-going-“HOLY SHIT” franchise.

This thing about Scarlett Johansson’s chest and new album.

This thing about our new internet boyfriend Aaron Greenberg being 100% AWESOME.

This thing about the Urban Tool Sportholster, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

Not bad considering the hot weather and all the distractions it brings. 7/10.