Archive for October, 2009:

JAPANESE THEMED SONIC UNDERPANTS

Not found in Japan – found in “Topman in Westfield London” by a man called “Iain”.

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Iain said he couldn’t be bothered writing anything proper and that we should just make something up…

CREAM’S SEXY SHOPPING SPREE
By M. Zorg

“Come on now little lady, there’s no escaping it!” said the mummy rabbit, pulling her struggling daughter out from beneath her little wooden bed by grabbing her orange shoes and yanking her across the floor.

“But mommy! I really don’t need any new clothes!” blustered the little girl rabbit, her bottom lip poking out so far it surely must have stuck out further than her cute little nose.

Mommy, however, wasn’t taking no for an answer. Little Cream got through clothes like nobody’s business. Always out on some rough and tumble adventure with her friends, always coming home with something ripped, something torn to shreds or something bursting apart at the seams.

“Come on now, Cream, you can’t wear that dress any more. It’s ripped. Look, I can see your tummy through that hole!”

Mommy rabbit poked a soft, hairy finger at Cream’s midriff, pulling the ripped fabric aside to reveal her daughter’s downy little belly and sinewy muscles. You may even have got a quick glimpse of the top of her pants.

“And look at these things!” said mommy. “My, they’ve grown quickly. We’ll need to get you a proper bra now!”

****

“Hey Sonic! What are you doing here?!”

Sonic froze, then started speaking in hushed tones.

“Oh, er, just… just shopping for clothes” the blue hedgehog said, his pink face bit suddenly looking much redder than usual.

“Who are you here with?” asked Cream, holding up a pair of small white cotton panties against her slender frame to judge the fit.

“Oh… just some… friends…” Sonic said, as he shrunk away lower and lower, as if he was about to roll into a ball right there in the shopping centre.

“SONIIIIIIIIIIIC! Where are you? Why don’t you try these LOVELY UNDERPANTS on for me?” cackled an old woman – it was Sonic’s mum!

“Aw, mum, not now” mumbled the hedgehog.

“Yes, now! I’ve got to get home – it’s chilli dogs for tea! You like chilli dogs, don’t you? I know you do, now take these pants and try them on.

“Aw, mum, can’t I just play on the rides with Cream?”

Sonic’s mum was thoroughly fed up of her boy’s enthusiasm. She’d chased him all the way through the bakery section, run after him as he leapt from car-to-car in the car park, then had to apologise to astonished customers as he sprinted the wrong way up the downward escalators.

She grabbed Sonic by the neck with one hand, and carried him into the changing room.

“Cream, you go in there with him. Make sure he doesn’t run away. I’ll wait outside”

*****

“Can you, like, turn around, Cream?” Sonic asked, clearly not enjoying the claustrophoc atmosphere of the tiny changing room.

“What?! Why? You never usually wear clothes anyway, Sonic!” Cream laughed,

“Look, I’m not shy!”

Cream lifted her dress clean over her head.

“See?”

Sonic sighed and turned around, quickly pulling on the underpants that bore his name. The underpants were baggy enough that he didn’t have to take his shoes off, which was at least one good thing about this terrible situation. Sonic turned around.

“OK. Are these OK? Please say yes, then we can spilt this joint” Sonic asked Cream, trying desperately to maintain eye contact and not to look at her nakedness.

“Gee, Sonic, those pants are no good – they’ve got a hole in the front of them – look!”

Cream grabbed the front of Sonic’s Sonic underpants and gestured to the seam.

Sonic started mumbling… “I think that’s supposed to be there, it’s so you can…”

“I can practically fit my whole hand through that gap!” she exclaimed, getting more and more enthusiastic, probably because the thrill of getting caught was turning her on.

This should probably be The End now, before their mums appear and join in.

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THE GREATEST SONIC THE HEDGEHOG DESKTOP IMAGES IN THE WORLD, DAY #7

Due to the popular demand of one reader, we are bringing this thing back. This one is going out to all you jungle fans. Big up Swindon. Big up Northampton. Big up ALL junglists, in fact.

SONIC DESKTOP #7: “HAVING A SWINGIN’ TIME!”

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It was the below tedious list of HTML links to the previous entries that stopped us doing another one of these for so long.

PREVIOUSLY, ON GREATEST SONIC DESKTOPS:

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SEGA RACING CLASSIC BULLET POINTS, AKA “WE WILL GO TO AN ARCADE FOR ONE FINAL TIME IN 2009″

This is what SEGA Racing Classic is, according to proper facts found by the legend.

“Sega Racing Classic is a revamped version of Sega’s smash hit Daytona USA, featuring the original tracks and heart pumping action with all new high definition graphics. The game runs on the Sega Ringwide hardware, with the stunning graphics displayed on a 32″ Widescreen LCD.

-32″ Hi-Def LCD Widescreen
-1280 x 720 Resolution
-Force Feedback Steering
-Link up to 4 Cabinets
-Eye Catching Cabinet
-New Billboard Leader Display
-Color changing LED Cabinet lights
-Classic Gameplay

The only problem with this is SEGA calling its new arcade hardware “Ringwide”. How on earth did that decision get past the numerous layers of bureaucracy? WHY DID NO ONE SPEAK UP?

sega-racing-classic-cabinet

The cabinet image is hosted here. We’ve tried randomly changing it to different numbers to see if there are any proper screenshots, but nothing of interest comes up. If anyone fancies a little job for the rest of the evening, please, feel free. Looks like there’s 6000 to go through. We’ve done 6100 – 6130. Wouldn’t mind a go on 6127.

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UPDATE: “Constable London” has covered off 2739 so don’t bother with that one.

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PUBLIC HANGING IN BLACKPOOL

29-year-old Michael Higgins staged a fake public hanging of his favourite old video game toys over the weekend, in a ritual designed to stop himself being such a loser and to “move on”.

Michael hopes the move might also lead to him being able to get a girlfriend. He just needs to get a new duvet cover now.

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“Thought I’d send you this pic for when you don’t have anything more interesting to post. It’s of a stall in Blackpool opposite the Ghost Train. The picture is of Tails, Yoshi, Sonic and Mario giant cuddly toys, which I assume are some prize for hooking a duck, or some other game of skill and cunning. If you look carefully you can see the huge spider webs on Tails and Yoshi perhaps indicating the amount of time they’ve been hanging there. I’ve uploaded the unaltered, full resolution image onto allyoucanupload incase your crappy hotmail account falls over and dies from the massive 2.5Mb file” – Phil.

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A READER WENT TO SEGA UK

Slightly troubling message. We’re uploading it here to show we have nothing to hide and it was nothing to do with us.

sega-sign-sun-photo

“I dreamt about you last night. It was so awesome! In my dream we became very good friends. I think the reason I dreamt about you is because the other week I went to SEGA to stalk their Head of Content. His name is Marek. I left him a carton of Chocolate Milk at reception but I did not get to meet him. Here is a photo I took of the SEGA sign being touched by God. Enjoy!” – Chocomel Ninja.

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ENORMOUS EXAGGERATION WATCH: SONY ON NBA 10: THE INSIDE

Should this image of PSP basketball game Inside 10 REALLY be captioned “Portland Fans Go Crazy for Brandon Roy at the NBA 10: THE INSIDE Launch Event”? Is anyone going crazy in the slightest?

It appears to our untrained eyes like some bored fat children are having a sit down while they discuss their terrible clothing decisions.

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“NEARLY 10 AVID GAMERS ALMOST RIOT IN NEAR-CHAOTIC SCENES OF MILD INTEREST”

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CAR GAMES ALAN’S DAYTONA USA FORZA MOTORSPORT 3 CAR

You know Alan? Car games Alan. That Alan who likes all the car games. You MUST know Alan. That Alan who literally only ever talks about car games? You know, car games Alan. The one with the web site about car games?

Alan. With the car games. Always has a Logitech steering wheel in his bag just in case? Yes, that Alan. Knew you’d know him.

forza-3-daytona-car

Anyway, Car Games Alan made this in Forza 3. We now know two things about Alan – he likes cars and is kind of OK at arty stuff and must have quite a lot of patience.

Alan also found this. It’s very, very cool. Incidentally, can we just apologise for Forza Motorsport 2? It was good, but not that good. Just got a bit carried away. That won’t happen again.

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DREAMCAST (?!) PREVIEW (?!): RUSH RUSH RALLY RACING

Imagine that. Another new Dreamcast game is about to come out. We could roll back the years and do a review of it, if the Dreamcast has survived the hell of being in the loft for the last 18 months, and if the VGA box is in the place where the VGA box logically ought to be (cables bag #2).

The game doesn’t appear to be pushing the hardware to its limits. You could, therefore, say that Dreamcast is still to peak.

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“With its 2D graphics and old school gameplay, Rush Rush Rally Racing is absolutely nothing like Gran Turismo, so you might actually like it. Also please know that if the sky were visible in this game, it would most assuredly be blue” – Roel van Mastbergen, Senile Team.

rush-rush-rally-racing-box

You may order the “Deluxe Edition” from an online shop for a bit over 20 quid. There’s nothing in it for us if you do. This is just a bit of community service, like we’re all still friends.

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SEGA SATURN “STYLE” CONTROLLER

SEGA is giving away a “free” (TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY) controller to people who sign up to its PlaySEGA VIP area. The controller’s shape may trigger a happy memory of playing X-Men vs. Street Fighter or Sonic R. It is a shape SEGA owns the rights to make things in the shape of.

Hopefully that “PLAY” bit can be easily peeled off.

play-sega-vip-controller

We did some RESEARCH! A three month subscription is £12.99 and if you want the “free” USB Saturn-alike controller that’s an extra £2.99 in postage. So you’re basically paying £15.98 for the controller and right to play some games in a web-based emulator. That’s not bad for a piece of SEGA hardware. Thanks to “Martin” for sending this news in via a popular social networking tool.

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RUBBISH ONE-OFF NOVELTY CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR GAME-PLAYING CHILD (AGE 4-6)

How many pieces of PLASTIC SHITE do today’s IDIOT GAMERS need? Does everything have to come in a box you can hardly carry home now?

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Can someone please construct a sound-proofed white plastic case we can get in, lie down, and cry within, safe from other people being able to hear.

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At least they sent this out.

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And at least they sent this out. But they’re still not excused.

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