This can’t be right. It looks exactly the same. That’s not the idea of it, is it? To make a new thing exactly the same as an old thing?
Have they really spent lots of time and effort making something that looks exactly the same as the old game? Is it just so SEGA has got something to sell to replace all the disintegrating old Daytona USA machines?
Found on some French site by a man who might be called “dash” or “2001” as it was quite hard to tell from his email address.
For the love of god. Are we really meant to believe that our SHOE-COVERED FEET are capable of playing a video game with anything like the same level of precision and satisfaction as our fingers?
When will it END?
At least they’re “keeping it a bit real” by plugging the stupid console in.
The developers showed remarkable foresight in creating a game called “Quake Minus One” way back in 1985 for the Commodore 64. ZZap! magazine didn’t like it, though.
This update doesn’t work on any additional levels, sadly. It’s just a game called Quake Minus One we found somehow and thought was mildly interesting, due to there being a modern gaming series called “Quake.”
Found here and just stolen and resized a bit. Didn’t even bother renaming the files. Thanks, observant retro geeks.
A JOKE FOR YOU TO SAY IN THE COMMENTS
“I’m waiting for its sequel Quake Minus Two”
Get Sonic back to the top by collecting syringes while a MIDI version of ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’ plays in the background. Developed by Terrier Games, which is a man called “Karl”.
MAKER’S DESCRIPTION: “Sonic starts off as an angsty, heroin-addicted wreck, living in an inner-city slum filled with graffiti and gangstas, while an inferior knock-off takes his place in a series of ever-crappier games. While waiting in line for his dole money one day, Sonic finally snaps and decides to put things right. The first few platforming levels involve getting out of the ghettos, collecting syringes to keep Sonic alive. Sonic eventually corners the modern-day Sonic Team, which turns into a giant robot. Having defeated the giant robot and thrown his clone out of a window, Sonic sets out for Tokyo, where he tracks down Yuji Naka and forces him to agree to make a new, good Sonic game. Sonic takes a detour through the mushroom kingdom to kill off Mario, before a final level set in the Green Hill Zone, where all order has been restored” – Karl.
It comes as an executable PC file. We’ve run it and it’s legitimate. Get it here. Haven’t managed to get off the first level yet, though. It needs a bit of advanced playtesting and tweaking.
That’s the game. It did only take “Karl” four days to make from start to finish. Last Friday he said he was thinking of making it – today it arrived in the inbox.
We are currently #1 and #2 on the leaderboard.
If you want to get in touch with “Karl” to discuss a multi-million pound licensing deal or to demand he stops abusing your intellectual property, contact us and we’ll forward the message. We don’t think Terrier Games has a blog yet.
THE PRESS RELEASE:
Sonic The Hedgehog
(c) Terrier Games
Sonic has fallen into a spiral of drug abuse and homelessness. He now lives under a bridge in Hull with a dipsomaniac Scotsman.
You need to help get Sonic back on his feet, and back to the top!
The game has 6 levels. 5 of these are platforming levels, and 1 level is a shooting level.
The arrow keys control Sonic in the platforming sections, and your gun in the shooting section. To fire your gun, press the SPACE bar.
In the first 3 platforming levels, Sonic needs to keep himself pumped up with Heroin. If he does not inject himself every 10 seconds, he will die!
During still cut-scenes, press the SPACE bar to progress.
The game is quite hard, but is completely possible.
Not the words of UKR, so we can’t get in trouble for posting this. They are the words of English Russia, which has got a whole load of photos of this rudeness, taken at a LAN gaming event that featured… strippers.
WARNING: The link contains some censored “tits out” shots and also some “LAN party” images, both of which might be embarrassing to have pulled out of your IT department’s log files at your next performance review.
You can tell by her shoes she doesn’t belong there, and has in fact been paid to spend exactly one hour there. She’s got some trainers and tracksuit trousers in her bag to wear home. We know how they operate.
The one on the left genuinely does not know what to do and is wishing she wasn’t there, or he was at home on his own watching a video of this all happen. Poor one on the left. The one on the right is thinking he does know what to do, and is trying to make it look like he knows what to do, just in case. Poor the one on the right. Poor everyone.
But there was a terrible WARDROBE MALFUNCTION – Suzanne’s stupid period dress was too long to see her shoes, ankles or calves.
We shouldn’t really give this sort shabby work the oxygen of publicity.
Who on earth gets a celebrity in then puts them in clothes where you can’t see anything? We hate to demand sackings, but in this case there’s simply no other option.
Suzanne Shaw must be really easy to hire.
A few hundred quid for the afternoon and a taxi home?
Maybe if we organise a whip-round.
Everyone who contributes gets to stand next to her for 30 seconds. The largest donor gets to ask a question. That’s probably what happened here.
Our brave investigative reporter has stuck his Train2Game cockney monkey salesman videos back online, now boasting a TRIPLE-REDUNDANT BACKUP that spreads the material across three separate video-sharing sites.
Lovely proof that when you force people to delete ONE thing off the internet, THREE new versions of it pop up to take its place, because people on the internet have more combined spare time than any one company.
OPENING PREAMBLE
“I see you are now at war with Train2Game so I thought now would be a good time to upload my Train2Game YouTube videos again. So should you feel the need to post links to them in the upcoming war they are here.”
“Now I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking ‘That’s all well and good, but those swines will just have them taken down again’. And yes, you’re right, they probably will ask YouTube to take them down again – but this time they are going to have to take them off Yahoo Video too!”
If you print this out and crayon it in pink, it’ll be like she’s actually naked. Would do it to show you, but haven’t got a printer.
Here’s what her torso would look like once you’ve removed the identifying head and fingers. We’re saving this model for 20 years time when 3D printers become available.
Here’s what she’d look like if you peeled her skin off with a coathanger. This is not the sort of update we should be doing on a day when we’re trying to convince legal people we are of a sound and reasonable mind in the very next browser tab :(
No one’s going to complain about this being on the internet. We won’t be afraid to open up Hotmail this afternoon.
There IS more than one track in it! There’s at least TWO. Hopefully it’ll make it up to the classic minimum SEGA race game requirement of three tracks, plus Mirror Mode, plus Reverse Mode, plus a bonus one for completing the existing three in Normal, Mirror & Reverse.
Train2Game, a trading name of Metropolitan International Schools Ltd, is not happy about this and this in which the usefulness and sales practices of its get-a-job-in-games courses were questioned by several UKR readers. It has complained to YouTube and had the videos pulled, now it has sent us a legal letter demanding our updates are taken down. No one said PLEASE.
Had it asked nicely we perhaps may have complied. We are sometimes capable of basic human kindness.
Sadly, we now have to inform Train2Game that because it did not say please a state of ENEMIES now exists between UK Resistance, Train2Game and all associated subsidiaries of Metropolitan International Schools Ltd. This is very exciting.
We can only hope that news of this legal threat doesn’t cause more damage to Train2Game’s battered reputation. Kindly old Bruce has already outed them, twice in fact, pointing out that they tried to sue Google (!), plus the Advertising Standards Agency has upheld complaints about the parent company’s practices before.
You know a company is a bit odd when it tries to shut down Google. Would you want to give money to an operation that tries to hide opinions of its customers from the public? We can only hope this page doesn’t go on to feature highly in Google’s search rankings when people research Train2Game in future!
Tony, the reason everyone on the internet thinks T2G is a “scam” is because you try to censor search engine results and force sites and forums to delete valid debates. It’s pretty simple.
Train2Game is clearly unaware of the SCARS WE BEAR. We would rather crash our ship into their ship wiping both of us out than surrender as directed. The self-destruct procedure has been initiated. Riker is being very brave about it, although Deanna looks like she might be about to start crying.
OUR TERMS OF SURRENDER:
If the MD of Train2Game sends us a polite email asking nicely for the updates to be taken down along with a photo of him doing a “thumbs up” in front of a screen showing UK Resistance to put in their place, we will be happy to comply and remove the pages.
FURTHER READING: Sorry this is such a boring company to declare enemies on, but they did start it.
READY-UP: “In the welcome pack all the lessons exactly copied word for word, picture for picture from the tutorials on the GameMaker website, and as you all know GameMaker is freeware and completely independent.”
NEWRETRO: “I honestly see this is as straight forward miss-selling of the qualification considering it’s not even a degree equivalent and is a new course”
HEXUS: “…in the meantime, i’d like to reiterate our request for everyone’s co-operation and that – until further notice – please will all HEXUS.community members refrain from creating any more threads or making any posts regarding ‘Train2Game’, Metropolitan International Schools Limited or any other of its trading styles such as ‘SkillsTrain’.”
ANGRY MAN: “The online tutors do not reply to your queries and I even attempted to cancel the course payments within the time that was allowed. But they tried to convince me to write a letter and waste more time! I have emailed them repeatedly and to no surprise they still have ignored me.”
CHAOS ENGINE: “I am being threatened with libel again! This time by the people behind Train2Game.”
HAVE A STORY ABOUT T2G?
Please let us know. We’ll compile a Word document and put it in with the black box flight data recorder to be recovered after the detonation.
