In a desperate bid for world domination, Sony is shoving PS2 consoles inside their tellies

It isn’t all bad though. It has a VGA and a scart socket round the back for your Dreamcast & Mega Drive

They spent several minutes brainstorming the design, but eventually settled for the classic  ‘glued TV on PS2’ look.

It has those internet widgety things that don’t work properly, and you can watch hippo-critical BBC programmes like Panorama on it via the built-in Freeview tuner.

Next week they’re launching a kettle with a UMD slot!

I’m aware that his post would better suited to Idiot Toys, but Zorg still has a bit of passion left for that site and justifiably, doesn’t let us post on it!

A t-shirt called “16 Bit Recession” from here.

From our in-house, unpaid social care assistant “GigerPunk”. You can buy it here for the remainder of today. After which that link won’t work and you’ll think we didn’t bother checking it.

Yes, Sega may well be going to shit these days, but let’s forget all about that for a moment and be comforted in the knowledge that Nintendo is equally powerless to stop ‘enthusiasts’ from making unlicensed toys. I give you – mutant strongman Mario:

And fish-lipped zombie Toad:

And post-op transsexual Princess Peach:

And a nice group shot:

Found while actively looking for shitty knock-off Nintendo merchandise to mock.

In other Nintendo news (since they must be the NEW ENEMY now that Sony are on life support with the PS3), Nintendo have decided on a cunning plan to halt the massive slide in hardware sales. They are going to re-release the console in black! Genius – that will sove everything! 

Are Nintendo taking inspiration from Sony now?

…with its PlayStation1 car models and Sega Saturn trees.

How is Polyphony allowed to get away with this? They should’ve taken their time, not rushed… oh. Amazing Gallery of GT5 Shame submitted by Mr P. Hardman.

Even SEGA’s Mr Nagoshi, the last living, employed, embodiment of the classic, colourful SEGA dream of yesteryear, is now making games about robots/marines/the future accompanied by wisecracking dialogue.

We won’t be buying this, not even when it’s discounted to £12.99 three hours after launch.

This is it. The end. A bald, generic future marine has just rolled an incendiary device into the lobby of SEGA Japan. There’s no one left of any merit to pull out of the rubble. Link via VG247.

Some kids got a bit confused about their decades and ironic references.

OPENING PREAMBLE
“There’s a new nightclub built around the general theme of Margaret Thatcher apparently, which is like building a theme park around the concept of getting to the till in the supermarket and realising you need to go get cash out of the machine, and having to walk back after your withdrawal to an impatient till line giving you the stinkeye.

“As you might expect from a nightclub modeled on Maggie, it features rudimentary graffiti drawings of Mr. T, who few realise was a fairly marginal Tory backbencher under the reign of the Iron Lady.

“The walls are also decorated with other our most beloved pop culture icons, such as the sensational William Hague and a particularly striking mural of the glitzy and glamorous Enoch Powell to help set the scene for a night of hedonistic delights. But the real belle of the ball is a hedgehog you know all too well! No, it’s not the one that turns up in your garden sometimes making revolting sex grunts and shitting itself when the motion light comes on, it’s Sonic, so don’t go leaving out a plate of milk and bread for him. I think they chose Sonic to epitomise the 80s, clearly overlooking the fact that Sonic first appeared in 1991 alongside an incumbent John Major. Anyway, I read it in the Guardian, on my Kindle, whilst tastefully sipping a fairtrade cappucino and listening to the new Paolo Nutini album on my iPod Touch in the business lounge of the Eurostar. I was wearing cream chinos” – Weatherbox.

WORLD EXCLUSIVE!!!

You saw it here first folks. Brand new leaked pictures from someone’s mate’s dad, whose missus works at a Sony Centre!

WORLD EXCLUSIVE!!!

What we know:

It’s 3D, because they’re serious about forcing this kind of novelty onto consumers.

It’s HD because it makes it sound better.

It’s got one of those touch screens that don’t work properly for games, but are all the rage these days.

It’s got 5 analogue sticks because this is the only thing Sony can think to innovate on.

There’s no headphone socket because it’s got FOUR speakers to allow you BLAST OUT Tinchy Stryder at FULL WHACK. It’s more than loud enough to entertain everyone else who’s also on the train/bus/tram.

It’s got another seventeen buttons round the back (not pictured) and loads of other things that they’ve copied off someone else.

It’ll be released around Christmas time next year, when people have plenty of money to shell out on rubbish.

It will be AT LEAST THREE HUNDRED NOTES!

Gran Turismo 6 is DEFINITELY a launch title.

…SHOCK. As far as we’re concerned, a “retro rollback” is having a wank while remembering that lovely woman from Buck Rogers. Then Deanna Troi loses her clothes in a teleportation accident and turns up and etc etc

“Here’s an image for a slow news day months from now. WWEShop.com ran a retro sale, and it looks like someone on their graphics team is a SEGA fan. Hope everyone’s having an enjoyable 2011!” – Josh.

It looks like Activision, peddler of plastic shite, endless war misery and assorted licensed rubbish, has decided to close Bizarre Creations – the UK developer it bought three years ago. This is pretty grim news, as Bizarre were ace on a technical and human level and were responsible for some amazing games. And The Club. And that one about the animals fighting.

The best game of this entire generation so far (our genuine, not ironic opinion) was Bizarre’s Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2, and WHERE WOULD WE BE TODAY without Metropolis Street Racer? Almost certainly dead, or at least in a wheelchair. Good luck, Bizarre people.

‘HIT BAND’ The Wanted were there!

No, me neither, but Wikipedia says they did a song once, and they probably do other songs that Radio 1 like to play.

Leona Lewis was paid to be there as well:

You remember Leona Lewis?

She’s synonymous with all things games!

She’s so committed to the cause, that she did the theme song for one of the Final Fantasy games, 13 years after the franchise became stale.

After Microsoft stopped trying to be Nintendo, they all went backstage and played together:

Leona didn’t stay very long. Afterwards, the one on the bottom right probably made a sexually-related comment, causing the cheeky one in the middle to guffaw.

Possible new hobbies to pursue now games have gone to shit:

Darts

That’s it!

That’s all we can come up with.

Look what 25+ years gaming have done to our imagination.

We’re all doomed come 2035