Even poor old Games Press couldn’t be bothered masking its contempt for this sort of mainstream-baiting activity.

We’ve been starting to notice a definite correlation between how much shit someone has around their wrist and how much of a cock they are. Here’s the press release in case you want to start stalking her and need a few pointers as to where to start.

EA ANNOUNCES COLLABORATION BETWEEN HOT NEW POP TALENT PIXIE LOTT AND THE SIMS 3

GUILDFORD, SURREY, UK – JUNE 5, 2009 – Electronic Arts, Inc. today announced the collaboration between exciting new pop singer Pixie Lott and the highly anticipated PC game from the EA Play Label, The Sims(tm) 3. Activity kicks off with a Simlish recording of Pixie’s debut single, Mama Do available for simultaneous download with the English version of the game plus a music video showing Pixie singing a duet with her Sim character

“The Sims 3 takes the infinitely creative world of Sims to the next level, and once again its music is no exception,” said Steve Schnur, Worldwide Executive of Music and Music Marketing at EA. “Pixie Lott now joins artists like Black Eyed Peas, Lily Allen, Robyn and Natasha Bedingfield in bringing her tremendous vocal talents to the Simlish arena. Her amazing talent and love for the game makes Pixie a perfect ambassador for The Sims.”

Pixie Lott releases her incredible debut single Mama Do available on the 7th June, through Mercury Records. Pixie’s personality, her rich vocals and her magnetic persona are all over her first single Mama Do, an archetypal teenage tale of sneaking out on mischievous dates under the cover of night and an appetite for adventure, action and the unknown. Pixie learned and recorded this song in the unique language of The Sims, Simlish.

“It was really good fun re-recording Mama Do in Simlish,” Pixie Lott added. “Singing Simlish words to a tune you know really well was a really strange experience and had me in fits of giggles but I got the hang of it and I love the end result. The Sims 3 allows for so many fun adventures, which fits how my world is so I’m happy to be a part of their newest creation!”

Get inspired by the endless creative possibilities and unexpected moments of surprise and mischief in The Sims 3! Customize your Sims’ appearances and choose up to five traits to create individual personalities. From the “romantic” trait or “kleptomaniac” trait to “evil” trait, create millions of unique Sims from the vast amount of personalities. New goal-oriented game play enables you to choose which short or long-term objectives you want your Sims to pursue and even determine your Sims’ destinies in life. Create and edit your own movies by capturing your gameplay moments or select from a library of clips. Then join The Sims 3 online community where you can show off all of your creations, receive additional content, hear the latest news, and more! Download exclusive content and hear the latest news of The Sims 3 at www.TheSims3.com.

Richard might win an award! No, wait, positive mental attitude – Richard WILL win an award! Richard MUST win an award! Richard is DESTINED to win an award despite our best attempts to embarrass him in public!

We have no idea how to vote or if common people like us are even allowed to vote because we’d only ruin it by attempting to rig it, but you can read all about it here.

Richard is mentioned on page 10. There is no photograph, not even the really old stock one of him in the studio from about 1998. Sumo Digital is also nominated as best independent developer. Good luck to both our friends who we like much more than they like us back.

Breaks your heart to see a grand old British development institution lowering itself to the level of sending strippers in branded t-shirts out to radio stations. Or they might be a new girl band. There’s only so much you can learn about modern popular culture by reading Popjustice once a month.

It’s definitely not the Sugababes at least. We know that much.

This is why all of today’s students want to become DJs, not video game programmers.

The poor programmers are still locked in their Portakabin doing 19-hour days to try and finish the thing while all this fun is happening. The best they can hope for is one of the free t-shirts nobody else wanted three months after the game’s out.

Much as we dislike this attempt at controlling the minds of weak consumers by attempting to associate a product with sex, we would still quite like to see the “out takes” from this shoot and might even buy the game to see if they’re featured pretending to be lesbians in the title sequence.

Cynical marketing ploy SUCCESS :(

NEWSBLAST: FUEL GIRLS FLOOR XFM FOR EXCITING LAUNCH OF FUEL

Codemasters’ FUEL Burns Up XFM’s Breakfast Show With Surprise Appearance By The Raunchy Fuel Girls

Saturday 6th June/… To celebrate the launch today of FUEL for Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3, Codemasters enrolled the services of the Fuel Girls to spread the word about the game that sets the new standard in open-world racing. The globe-trotting, fire-breathing, stunt-driving divas burnt up the airwaves this morning on XFM London 104.9’s Breakfast Show, providing one lucky listener with the chance of winning a PlayStation 3 and a copy of FUEL on Ian Camfield’s “Hard Rock” quiz.

Built on ground-breaking technology developed by Asobo Studio, FUEL’s huge world is one of atmospheric beauty and awe-inspiring size, fully open to race and explore. This unprecedented racing playground features dramatic weather effects, including tornados, blizzards, sandstorms and lightning, a full day / night cycle and enormous environmental diversity, from the snow-capped dormant volcano Mount Rainier to the arid Grand Canyon and everything in between.

FUEL’s free-roaming nature allows gamers to pick and choose their route, races and career progression while extensive multiplayer options allow up to 16 players to race against each other in pre-set events, explore the world in free ride or create their own challenges and share them online.

FUEL is set to become the ultimate racing sandbox when it launches Friday June 5th for the PLAYSTATION3 computer entertainment system and Xbox 360 video game and entertainment system from Microsoft with a Games For Windows edition to follow. Prepare for a FUEL injection by downloading gameplay videos at www.fuel-game.com.

There is nothing better than getting sent a blurry photo of a woman taken without her consent from a very large distance away, especially when the accompanying email contains the sentence “then I got embarrassed and I didn’t dare talk to her”.

Actually there is something better. The photo could’ve been taken on something other than a Sony Ericsson W610i. So many special moments have been ruined by its low-grade optics.

Sent in by “Marius” who wrote so much about it we’ve put it below in a separate block of text. The gist is he saw her and took a picture from the balcony rather than face the stress of a potential face-to-face situation. Triple-A , Marius. Triple-A.

MARIUS: MY LIFE STORY
“I live in Norway and work at a climbing center and something bizarre happened today. After my lunch when I entered the climbing hall I saw a chick dressed as Lara Croft being filmed and secured by a friend of mine who works there. Probably just some lame Norwegian TV show I thought and went on with my business.

“But then I looked closer and realised that It was Alison Carroll the official Lara Croft model. Holy shit I thought and went to get my camera phone. I was going to take a picture of her up close but she started doing acrobatics on the floor right there in the hall. Jumping around and acting like an idiot, then I got embarrassed and I didn’t dare talk to her. Instead I went up on the balcony and took pretty crappy snapshot of her from there.

“She has left now along with her crew. I have no idea why they were here in Norway to film her climb and do an embarrassing acrobatic act in and climbing hall. Hope this is newsworthy for you, wish I had gotten some better photos. Love the site, peace!” – Marius.

It had the dullest conference, the weakest games and spent most of its E3 press event talking about things already out, previously announced or just rubbish. But! Nintendo has seized the LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY initiative and is therefore winning at E3.

Sadly, every photo of female humans we’ve uploaded recently has had the same tragic turn of events.

Photo of female goes up > comments left calling her a fat cunt who needs her ears raping > acquaintances of female complain > we buckle under pressure and start having to delete things.

Hopefully this cow lives far enough away that her friends won’t see this and therefore won’t complain.

We’d also like to apologise to Games Press for downloading all these assets at this critical time for internet servers. And to SEGA for forgetting to do anything about Virtua Tennis.

Let’s just apologise to everyone about everything. Here’s a separate page that contains the now-standard UKR apology. If you get offended or upset in future, simply load up this page.

That’s the Nyko Dog Case for the Wii Remote, as was rumoured by several industry insiders on their Twitter feeds.

Depressing. Too depressing to even be in the running as the Last UKR Update Ever. We couldn’t go out like this.

It has died. There will now be a short period of empty space to reflect on all it achieved.

Fortunately, as the weather’s so nice and being inside on a computer looking through the Sony Ericsson press extranet is so much fun, we have lined up a replacement. It is called EXTRA-LAST. It will be the same thing.

It would’ve been called SUPER ALKALINE but superalkaline.com is taken. It also might’ve been called LEISURE FACILITY had leisurefacility.com not also been taken. It could have even been LIFESTYLIN but, again, it was taken. So it is called EXTRA-LAST. The capital letters are compulsory. The logo isn’t finished and probably never will be. Any questions?

ABOUT EXTRA-LAST

It is “powered” by Blogger as WordPress is too hard and, as has been previously documented, we are too old for new tricks.

The celebratory first ever update was a woman’s bra promotional photograph. Hopefully that’s enough to get everyone in.

We’re hoping an artistic reader might knock up a better logo (approx 960 x 120 GIF/PNG, please)

It will have adverts on it, although nothing like as many as Idiot Toys used to have during The Great Depression.

People will inevitably complain that the RSS feed doesn’t work, and until such time that the local adult education centre offers RSS management classes, that’s the way it will probably stay.

We have one new idea for a new feature to go on it so far – something to do with toasters.

There will still be EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES.

That’s about all.

We were sure there were more things we wanted to say about it than this but it seems there isn’t.

So, let’s go back in time. Back to the year… 2004!

Since Gran Turismo for PSP was first announced/lied about in 2004, lots of things have changed about the world. Microsoft managed to make a whole new console, Nintendo’s made about 20 different variations of consoles, and hundreds of other games have been announced, reviewed, released, discounted to £17.99 on Play.com and eventually traded in at CEX for less than a fiver.

In January of 2005, the world looked on in horror as George W. Bush was officially allowed to have the keys to the nuclear cupboard for another four years. Gran Turismo 4 didn’t come out on PSP, even though, in 2004, Sony appeared to have boxed copies ready for release.

2006 saw England knocked out of the World Cup to a Portugal side led by slimy model-impregnater Cristiano Ronaldo. Gran Turismo did not come out, even though Sony had the foresight to start manufacturing UMDs of it back in 2004.

2007 saw Gran Turismo not come out for PSP. This is a photo from the launch event.

2008 also passed without Gran Turismo coming out for PSP. The Beijing Olympics were great, though. Fabrics are getting thinner, flimsier and tighter every year, and Yelena Isinbayeva really knows how to grasp a pole.

2009 might see a Gran Turismo arrive on PSP, although this man looks extremely untrustworthy. He’s also spent three entire years trying to work out how to get car bumpers to bend, so we also must question his commitment to the cause.

That’s it. You might’ve expected a bit of a better-looking baby given the gestation period. Perhaps in 2004 this might’ve even been impressive. In fact, perhaps this is the game that was going to be released in 2004, was shelved, then brought back in a hurry to help try and resurrect PSP?

PREVIOUS GT MOBILE LIE WATCHES:

August 2006

April 2008

*sigh*

Another hour of watching men wearing their BEST t-shirts playing the best bits of their games while we sit here hoping something’s going to crash.

Even our lives would look interesting if only the best two minutes of them were played on a big screen.

KILLER FEATURE: PSP Go is also a clock! If there’s a digital option we’ll be in there on Day One.

Joey Deacon and his interpretor have just announced… wait for it… Gran Turismo for PSP. It’s nice that he can’t make eye contact with the crowd through sheer embarrassment.

Apparently.

We’re stopping now, as this is starting to look like an advert and the quality of the t-shirts has declined markedly.

Woman in white trousers talks about exercising. Definite possible Last Ever UKR Update candidate.

NINTENDO: Relaunching the trousersuit in Q3 2009.

Now HERE’S something we could get into.

Watching a whole press conference was a bad idea. But at least it looks like there’s going to be a new batch of lifestyle photography coming out.

Never thought we’d ever have the honour of cutting & pasting the phrase “1987 Werner Herzog/Klaus Kinski movie”.

“Time to raise the standards of your postings significantly. This is not just another swirl sighting – I seem to have stumbled upon the very origin of the Dreamcast logo – a 1987 Werner Herzog/Klaus Kinski movie titled ‘Cobra Verde’.”

“You can clearly see the Dreamcast swirls in the court of the African king – the exact same swirls of the Dreamcast logo, rotated a bit, as demonstrated in the 2nd shot” – VMS.