So we might as well give it to him, in the name of maintaining positive consumer relations – even though one of them’s about Mario and another one of them’s about Final Fantasy AND we don’t even make $0.02 each time you buy one.

“We are an upcoming video game t-shirt brand comprised of graphic designer game super geeks! Our t-shirts are 100% original, professionally designed and screen printed. Our t-shirts delve a little deeper than the thousands of others out there, we get the need for gamers to represent but also the need for subtlety.”

“I would grateful if you could feature us on UK:RESISTANCE, being a British based site I think it would sit well. I have attached a few examples of our shirts” – Dean.

Thanks, Dean. If by any chance you sell 1000 t-shirts today, can we have a cut to buy a cup of coffee and a sandwich with? Only a cheap sandwich, nothing fancy from Pret. An egg mayo from Greggs would be a huge treat.

Keep seeing this mentioned on the internet, but assumed it was just a joke about the depths Ubisoft might foreseeably plumb in one possible future. But Play.com wouldn’t feature a product listing page for a joke thing, would it?

In our case, we’re holding out for post-recession sequel “Remember When You Used To Be A Journalist?”

THE FEATURES:

– Make yourself a great career as a journalist

– Start as a columnist for a local newspaper and end up as an international reporter, heading your own TV show

– Get your own press pass

– Have fun with the full range of journalists’ accessories: notepad, handheld recorder, mic, camera

– Catch your first scoops by bike and end up travelling in style by helicopter!

– Discover the exciting parts of a magazine journalist’s job

– Go out in the field to interview the locals, but also stars, politicians and athletes

– Attend press conferences and stand out amongst other journalists

– Take the best pictures to illustrate your articles

– Organise magazine covers

– Report great news on TV

– As a TV news presenter deliver the right information at the right time

– Record celebrity interviews

– Release radio programmes on air

– Develop your investigative skills

– Become the one who reveals the top news stories!

– Challenge yourself to deliver exclusive scoops

– Explore places for interview and picture opportunities

– Play with your environment as a background for the photoshoot minigame

JOKE ADDITIONAL FEATURES:

– Go “freelance” and enjoy the benefits of beard-growing and not having to ever see other people

– Be owed thousands of pounds you probably won’t ever see

– Drink so much free alcohol your insides still hurt even after three years of not touching a drop

– Get insulted every time someone gets sent something and you don’t

– Start as a columnist for a local newspaper and end up as a depressed blogger

– Talk to women, but only because they have to because it’s their job

– Watch your carefully-cultured internet persona disintegrate the first time you meet other industry employees

– Wonder how people so obviously useless get paid three times as much to do less work

– Lie to yourself about products being better than they are on a daily basis

– Develop your plagiarism skills

– Meet people so horrible you fantasise about fighting them and actually killing them

– Never quite be important enough to have the final say on anything

That headline comes from a half-broken translation service page here. We presume it means SEGA has thrown its last remaining money behind an EVEN BIGGER amusement arcade, presumably hoping the reason arcades are dying is because they haven’t been quite big enough previously.

“Hello, here some pictures about the new Club Sega opened… today! There are some nice faces in a picture, the red palace is cool but usually I prefer the old signs that we can see in the old closed arcades” – Shark.

Thanks, Shark. Thanks for attempting English and finding the photos.

These are the “nice faces in a picture” he mentioned.

Of course, the real reason arcades are dying is because they’re full of money-sucking pieces of shit like this. UFO catchers as far as the eye can see. More UFO catchers is not the answer.

We wouldn’t mind if they didn’t all leave the factory deliberately broken.

When they stop we’ll be sad, but while they carry on we are indifferent. They can’t win. It’s like Top of the Pops – we gave up watching it in 1996, but were still quite upset when it was axed.

It’s Virtua Fighter 5: Final Showdown, coming soon to an internet petition site near you.

Sent in by an “Alex” who must be a bit young and therefore still able to “get into” things like this. He probably even remembers what the buttons are and what those two new characters are called.

This video seems to have “blown up” today, as we’ve had less than three and more than one email(s) about it so far. Look at the poor dear, wobbling the controller sticks and wildly stabbing at the buttons, as if Final Fantasy is the sort of game you physically PLAY.

Final Fantasy is the sort of game you look at, occasionally, to see if it’s finished yet. A bit like this video of poor Leona.

Save your energy for a go on Just Dance when you get home, love.

Reader “Christian” from Denmark sent us a link to this. It’s a competition we can’t enter, and a competition that the mere existence of makes us sad.

It’s a Shenmue action figure we will never be allowed to have.

Click here to see the error message with your own pained and incredulous eyes.

No doubt these are already winging their way via courier to PEOPLE WHO DO NOT DESERVE THEM and who won’t do blog updates where they take 1000 photos of them driving along real roads. We’ve got to get back into this “loop” everyone else seems to be in.

Got sent this. There’s a low-res version of it on the internet, but here it is all proper. It is from SEGA’s glory fortnight, back in 1993, when it sponsored the (a) Formula One (event).

And that was when people watched Formula One, and when Ayrton Senna was the best. Happy days.

“The SEGA Europe marketing budget for 1991-1997 got all spent in, well, 1993. In Donington” – F.

Remember the bizarre Sonic-themed Alton Towers business? Turns out the Sonic-branded hotel room exists, and has been designed as a chamber in which the worship of Sonic 4 takes place. It is an advert in hotel room format, basically.

Here are some slightly too dark photos, taken from Sonic Stadium and coming via the suite’s inhabitant’s Twitter thing.

Sadly the visitor didn’t report on what the in-room TV pornography options are. That’s always the first thing we check out when visiting any hotel room, even before we see what kind of free shampoos there are.

There’s another amazingly detailed gonzo report over at “Girl Gamers” in which they take millions of photos of the entire day.

They also say they were invited by SEGA. We were not invited by SEGA. Why would that be, SEGA?

Presumably we weren’t invited because the room is all new and they didn’t want it staining in any way, and didn’t want the towels being wanked into.

Or maybe we’re just out of yet another loop.

Maybe this was the photo that illustrated what kinds of in-room pornography is available?

UKR FACTS: We are sad not to have been invited to this. We would’ve bothered replying to the email and might’ve even gone. But wouldn’t have mingled with anyone else.

A logo that’s “a bit” like the Dreamcast logo, also including a name that’s “a bit” like SEGA. Two things that are a bit like, but not actually anything like or to do with, SEGA.

Basically, here’s a random photograph.

“I was recently on holiday in Brazil and a picture of this shop seemed just the thing for the site. Yes, the Dreamcast logo from this health shop is slightly off, but it also nearly spells SEGA! There were lots of those ‘Segafredo’ coffee stalls there too, but I spared you the embarrassment of posting the same pics again.”

“I’ve been a long time reader of your site and after seeing some of the things you willingly post, I knew I had a chance with this. I hope to see many more Sonic bedspreads and socks. All the best” – Tom.

Found this on the “news wires” while looking for photos of men in suits. Some of you might like it. You can see her toes, and she’s been reduced to the level of compliant product.

She’s little more than a bit of meat thrown on a sofa to help shift units.

We have nothing to say about fashion.

Or Beyonce. Find her odd mixture of “I like Jesus” and “Look at my sexy bottom and buy my recordings” very difficult to compute. She’s unsettling, like a nine-year-old girl wearing mummy’s heels and makeup.

So we did have something to say about Beyonce after all. Preferred her in Destiny’s Child, though.

Nintendo News: Beyoncé and Nintendo Expand Partnership to Promote Fashion and Fun in 2010

REDMOND, Wash. — Fans of Nintendo’s fashion-themed Style Savvy game for the Nintendo DS and Nintendo DSi™ systems will have access to some hot new designs this year, thanks to an expanded partnership between Nintendo and renowned entertainment icon Beyoncé. Style Savvy players with broadband Internet access will soon be able to download five designs from the real-life Deréon clothing line co-created by Beyoncé and her mother, designer Tina Knowles. As managers of their own virtual boutiques, players can incorporate these chic Deréon fashions as they create one-of-a-kind looks for their in-game clientele.

“I love that I get to become a stylist and take over my own boutique, and it’s so much fun to see some of my Deréon designs added to the mix.”

“Style Savvy is all about creativity and fashion, both of which are really important to me,” says Beyoncé. “I love that I get to become a stylist and take over my own boutique, and it’s so much fun to see some of my Deréon designs added to the mix.”

[Read the rest of this entry…]