Not for the first time, this is not as good at it initially sounds.

Wouldn’t even go up your bottom. 3/10.

A man got in touch. He said in return for us linking to some sort of flash gaming site he does, he could provide us with some photographs he took of SEGA products currently on sale in Argentina.

We said yes to that.

What on earth is a DYNACOM? A fake SEGA portable that runs Mega Drive carts? Looking it up would ruin the exciting mystery.

You can also buy official ones from new. Looks like SEGA is still trying to empty out various warehouses of unsold consoles it made back during the glory fortnight.

We are moving to Venezuela, or at least going to try and locate a bulletproof web server based in the glorious South American socialist republic.

We’re also hearing rumours today that Silvio Berlusconi had a go on Carla’s Wii and thought it was a bit rubbish and couldn’t see the attraction. More on that as it breaks throughout the day. Thanks to comment-leaver “Trilby” for the link.

Mainstream catalogue retailer Marshall Ward is knocking out this painful piece of mid-1990s-style costumery, for the benefit of grown men with emotional issues for whom Sonic is an escape pod back through time to when it was mum that had to worry about paying the mortgage. This was found by popular late-2000s casual UKR labourer “Phorenzik”. We’re not suggesting he’s that target buyer.

The padded hands are admittedly a masterstroke that give it an extra edge of realism, but nothing else works on any level – not even on the unseen ultraviolet and infrared levels.

It is unsurprisingly (a) still in stock, and (b) made out of polyester.

It has to be made out of polyester, because cotton is too thick and heavy for the speeds Sonic runs at!!!

Marshal Ward thinks buyers may also like Snow White and Robocop, and to be fair, we’ve just briefly had a go at imagining having sex with Snow White while dressed as Robocop and it actually works as a scenario*.

See? There’s easy penis access there between the leg plates, so you wouldn’t have to worry about going flaccid while Snow White’s trying to fight you off.

ROBOCOP/SNOW WHITE POSSIBLE SEX SCENARIO:
You went to a fancy dress party as Robocop, then you and Snow White started chatting and laughing at the retard who came as Sonic and has been sitting there on his own for the last two hours not saying anything to anyone. Then you managed to get her to lose count of how much she had to drink and carried her to the toilet when she thought she was going to be sick but then she WASN’T sick and brief sex happened.

Then she asked you what you name was afterwards, and you looked at her, then triumphantly said “MURPHY!”. But then, the next day, you realised you should’ve given her your real name or your mobile phone number, as there’s no way she’ll be able to contact you and her friends won’t remember there even being anyone called “Murphy” at the party. So you’ll die alone.

A man sent this in, which is ALLEGEDLY a photo of some Sonic-branded pyjamas he spotted in UK high street retail chain New Look. Can anyone with a camera handy pop into New Look and confirm? We need a bit more detail to confirm size and scale, and if they’re boy or girl pyjamas.

“Here’s a fairly crappy shot of some Sonic flavoured PJs spotted in New Look (or ‘Ooh Look’ as no one calls it). I also sent in the picture of an actual man with a Sega bag at a Scottish festival which it only took a year after sending it to appear on the site. I look forward to a Sonic Jim Jams update early in 2011″ – Robbie.

UPDATE:
Never mind, here they are!

They are pyjamas for men. Although it remains possible that some girls might be sleeping in them tonight, or, more likely, queuing up at the RETURNS desk of their local New Look with them so they can buying something they actually like that fits instead.

Found these while, to be honest, looking for something EXACTLY like these. We are quite excited about the Bayonetta sexy cosplay scene kicking into life. It’s like 1980s glamour porn is BACK.

These were on the Flickr page of something called GamerGirls. Couldn’t determine what GamerGirls is, though. Probably a blog using one of the default pink themes with lots of men leaving enthusiastic comments beneath their mundane opinions about old games their brothers used to play.

The photos were also tagged “Playboy” and we’ve no idea if that means they’re “out of” Playboy or if that’s just wishful thinking on the part of these ladies. And no offense, Chernise, but you’re more ‘Men Only’ or ’40 Plus’.

Maybe one of them will leave a comment explaining the shoot?

Then we can all terrify her and make her go away, probably within 30 minutes of her signing up.

Anyway. Bayonetta’s out soon or maybe even out now. No idea. People are talking about it on the internet, so it must be near.

This ludicrous internet reveal about who’s NOT going to be in “Project Needlemouse” is quite possibly the most tedious thing SEGA’s done, at least since someone at Sonic Team watched “Pulp Fiction” for the 20th time and decided it would be cool to do a game about a black hedgehog who runs around with a gun.

Just say who it is, then we’ll pretend to be excited, then you send us the game, then we’ll pretend it’s good. The same old MERRY-GO-ROUND OF FALSE PRETENCE.

Final Fantasy XIII, the rubbish interactive CD-ROM game from 1987, is coming to the UK quite soon. People with half-empty bottles of red hair-dye in the bathroom who always look at the floor will be very pleased about this.

Here’s the new trailer in English, made even more painful by now being able to understand the long-winded dialogue.

*HAMMERS ‘START’ BUTTON TO NO AVAIL*

Too much “exposition”. That’s always everyone’s problem. Hopefully this nonsense will be delayed into oblivion as well.

The latest version of real-time tedium simulator Gran Turismo 5 has been delayed again, with its Japanese “March” release now changed to “TBA”. This a mere TWO YEARS after the demo arrived in 2008. Unbelievable incompetence. We are trying to think of a good joke about what TBA might stand for in this context.

Just when you think Sony can’t get any worse this generation, BLAM! – it shoots itself in the groin again, with the bullet unfortunately traveling through the soft, fatty flesh and embedding itself in the knee.

We honestly cannot understand Sony. We should be reviewing Gran Turismo 6: Director’s Cut right now, not hearing that GT5 has been delayed YET AGAIN. Games are not ART, they are BIG BUSINESS.

This man and his inept colleagues at Polyphony are costing Sony money by the day. Not just in spiraling development costs, but in slowing the adoption of PS3 worldwide, meaning there are fewer console owners to buy Sony’s other dull games once they’re bored of his dull game. There is only one answer…

Get Traveller’s Tales in with IMMEDIATE EFFECT! Seriously, Traveller’s Tales could kick Yamauchi’s shit into shape in a couple of months, probably using spare people it’s got earmarked for doing downloadable content for LEGO games. We firmly believe Traveller’s Tales could get GT5 ready in time for an April release.

What should Sony do about GT5?

Or cancel the PS3 version and keep it for a rush-released PS4? We would love it if that happened. Could do with another war to get rid of this troublesome rage.

Yes please. Any kind of paid employment that involves talking to adults and going outside, instead of sitting alone in a cold room pretending to be interested in a wide variety of things, like this, would be good.

It’s been a long, hard winter. The official THING about MP for a Week is here, while the “game” itself is online here.

The first thing you do is answer a KNOWINGLY SELF-AWARE message about violent video games. How ironic and therefore cutting-edge. We don’t know what the second thing you have to do is.