So we might as well. He’s a Sonic CD owner, and Sonic CD owners are fucking cool dudes. And he has two Dreamcasts. Say no more. He’s in the Super Cool Dude Gamer Club and has earned a special favour.

The auction is here. He’s used his duvet as a plain background. It’s not a world-beater in terms of size or content, but it is definitely slightly above average in terms of what most people have accumulated thanks to having a Mega CD and a Menacer.

IF YOU ALSO OWN SONIC CD
Let us know. It’s about time we did a census of all UK Sonic CD owners, so they can be put on the Special List of people that will be excused suffering come the END OF TIME.

Here is a man’s lifetime haul of SEGA oddness. The most terrifying lollipop you will ever see, accompanied by a public information leaflet in which Sonic and Tails warn of the dangers of getting involved with gang culture.

They have almost certainly both been featured on the internet somewhere before, but never before have they been placed upon the SAME PAGE.

“Here’s a couple Sonic things I found. A card with some useful information on it that I found in my room. A Sonic Popsicle. Maybe you could use these for something… maybe” – MrPuppet.

Yes, we could nail this to the front door to scare off visitors.

An alternate collection of several thousand words, written for places where it’s not so acceptable to talk about wiping your penis on the ears of sexy rabbits.

This thing about the order in which the Vaio CS11 series is going to be discounted.

This thing about demographics not matching up. It may have gone over the heads of the readership.

This thing about the latest developments in wanking machines, because, when it comes to wanking machines, we are emerging as experts.

This thing about Kane Kramer inventing the iPod in 1979. We tried to launch a global campaign to get Steve Jobs to buy Kane a Ferrari as a thank you, but it didn’t really take off.

This thing about a woman called Kelly Ripa nearly getting into a washing machine, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

It’s words, on the internet, largely in the right order. 6/10.

No doubt handed out to ungrateful people back in the day. People who binned them at the time, unaware that they would now be sitting on something worth at least £5.99 on eBay.

“I did a bit of tidying up today and found two Dreamcast tins, one badly bent out of shape, and the other perfect. Just for you, I opened the bent one to see what was inside.”

“A Dreamcast digital watch! Hope these pictures are useful!” – Steve.

“PS: Did I ever email you an mp3 of a Sonic Hedgehog song, or did I just send a photo of the cover? Let me know if you want it.”

No idea. And it’s not really a Dreamcast watch. It’s a very, very cheap Chinese watch that someone at SEGA paid £250 to have the logo printed on. The Dreamcast experience is not reflected in the design.

Belgium! Let’s go to Belgium! It is the promised land! We will be able to walk the streets proud of who and what we are. There will be no more hiding, no more clandestine midnight liaisons with a copy of Bomberman and a Saturn multi-tap.

“Yesterday I was (for my work) in a relatively small town in the southern part of Belgium, called ‘Verviers’. When I was walking down town, I noticed an arcade with a genuine Sonic sign. Yep, it’s the same Sonic picture we saw on the mighty Mega Drive box of the original Sonic the Hedgehog!”

“As I really like your features where you show several places that still carry the SEGA symbolism, I thought ‘let’s take a few pictures for the guys from UK:RESISTANCE!’ So hereby I kindly send you the pictures.”

“Keep up with the good work! And could you might post a link to our (Dutch) SEGA website? It’s at www.segaonline.nl. We attend all events, media trips from SEGA around the Benelux and the rest of the world (Leipzig, E3, TGS). Cheers, Maarten.”

UPDATE:
SEGA puts the SEMEN in Amusement Park. This has definite potential to be one of those jokes where you zoom in closer and closer.

The subconscious reason we love SEGA so much?

Sonic Team may well be trying to erase her from history, but the makers of Sonic Chronicles haven’t forgotten her and her little fuck-me-socks. She ticks all known boxes.

BENDING OVER

HITCHING UP DRESS TO REVEAL BOTTOM/TAIL

NEEDY SMILE

PLAYFULLY SLAPPING OWN ARSE

And fluffy ears to wipe your penis on afterwards. The perfect companion.

Here’s something to go with your Dreamcast shower – a Dreamcast toothbrush holder complimented superbly by a matching soap dish.

Brushing your teeth without making eye contact with your disgusting reflection will be more fun than ever!

Sent in by a man who calls himself “fightingchance” who used his mobile phone camera. Yes, that is it for today.

A man went to a “community day” at SEGA Europe. The food and travel was paid for. The food was probably a buffet consisting mainly of tuna sandwiches, so don’t get too jealous. He did get to do a poo in the SEGA toilet, though, then took a photo of the sign inside the cubicle. Here is his tale:

“Thought you might like to know that I went on a ‘community day’ (which is basically flash talk for inviting a load of geeks) at SEGA HQ yesterday to witness the arm-straining epicness of Mario and Sonic at the Olympic games. Not only was food and travel paid for, I got to meet Sonic and Mario (in reality two out of work drama female students in horrendous costumes, but hey, they poured their hearts and souls into it), make a complete arsehole of myself and – best of all – take a huge dump in SEGA’s toilet! I’ve attached a photo of the sign that’s on the inside of said dumpster; it’s not particularly amusing but it has SEGA written on it, so I took more notice of it than I would have usually done of signage in bogs.”

Please wipe the semen off the seat.

PREVIOUSLY ON “DEEP INSIDE SEGA EUROPE”

A photo of the parking sign.

When we went there to see a snooker game and pretended it was something more exciting.

Every time you click on one of these links, someone in an office somewhere gets an inflated idea of how many people read UKR. Occasionally, we’ll put in a solid hour doing nothing but opening all of these up in separate tabs. It helps us achieve erection.

This thing about Band X releasing a song in Video Game Y.

This thing about maybe downloading Spore off the internet and not even bothering to install it just to piss off THE MAN (although the “angle” we used at the time was different and much less interesting).

This thing about whoever owns the Commodore brand these days. Someone nicely explained the situation in a comment.

This thing about Microsoft managing to make a Japanese Xbox 360 graph point UP.

This thing about Gears of War 2 being the shittest game of all time, which we can get away with doing over there now because the commenting system is broken so nobody can leave messages calling us cunts.

This thing about Miss IFA being ignored, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

Slightly erratic. Probably need to calm down a bit again. Tension building up inside once more. Need release. 5/10.

Forget the “ten year plan” for PS3, here’s Sony’s 30 year plan to burn off any cash its few successes may have earned it, thereby keeping it in the GUTTER where IT BELONGS.

Sent in by James, who is the winner. Well done. We must constantly remind the enemy of all its failings and weaknesses, so it doubts itself and becomes weaker still.