“Space Michael” was the second best thing he ever did, just behind that dance move where he would stand upright then lean really far forward as if his feet were glued to the ground.

That was miles better than the moonwalk as normal people couldn’t replicate it. It was probably done with wires.

Of all the Dreamcast games, it’s Space Channel 5 that makes us the most sad and confused about why it wasn’t a huge success. Non-frightening assertive female lead, great music, dumbed-down rhythm action, celebrity endorsement – IT WAS JUST VERY FAR AHEAD OF ITS TIME.

Sorry about Michael Jackson. Not that it was our fault in any way, although it’s possible it was the stress of finding out that the UKR user name “Cream The Rabbit” was already taken that did for him in the end.

We’ll probably never know.

What was the truth about this again?

A batch of screenshots purporting to be of “Gran Turismo” on PSP are in circulation. Please don’t be fooled. A man could be tricked into buying a PSP on the strength of fake claims about Gran Turismo. Imagine that.

The fake screenshots look like this. A person or persons pretending to be “Sony” is sending the above images out to web sites and blogs. Even the mighty Kotaku has been taken in by the scam.

The actual game looks more like this, and probably even a bit worse on your fucked up old screen with all the scratches on it from where it’s been slopping about in your little leather school satchel for the last four years. Be vigilant.

It will be just as strong and virile then as it was in 1998, as it is now, and as it always will be. Like the trunk of a mighty oak, the passing of another year will only serve to strengthen and reinforce the legacy of Dreamcast.

“Thought you might be interested in this 30th Dreamcast Birthday card. SEGA must have printed these up in advance because it must’ve thought Dreamcast would be popular enough to make it to its 30th Birthday. Let’s face it should have been, maybe I’ll leave mine under my telly for 30 years so kids in the future can call it a Playstation and then get a slap. Obviously this one was intended for distribution in Europe as it has blue swirls. Regards” – Barry.

Someone seemingly called “Anne” has decided to be the US SEGA Flickr account monitor. This is very handy, as we’ve been sobbing into administrator menus for the last week and don’t care what the updates are about.

There wasn’t an interview. She just sent it in.

ANNE’S FINDINGS:

“There’s a nice shot of spokesperson / random TV host Daisy Fuentes which shows a lot of cleavage here. Large size is here.”

“Apparently she has a new Wii Pilates game coming out. Wikipedia also states that her clothing lines use child labor which she pays 25 cents an hour. Presumably the Wii game developers got paid more, like 35 cents an hour.”

“Apparently SEGA also gave out these “finger bands” from Virtua Tennis 2009.”

“Perhaps these could be used to reduce the strain of a prolonged wanking session? That’s just a guess though because as a woman I of course have no penis to test it on.”

ANNE’S ONLINE JOB APPRAISAL FORM
Anne correctly identified celebrity Daisy Fuentes as an ideal target for UKR update material, also singling out  the “large” format of the picture for easy access. But, with an original upload date of June 11, the ‘material’ isn’t particularly fresh. Going forward, Anne needs to work on her timings to ensure she’s not left behind by the quicker-reacting “aggregator” blogs that will have been all over this three weeks ago. B-

You now have to register a custom UKR user name in order to leave a comment calling people you don’t know child-eating cunts.

Then, when you call someone a child-eating cunt, you can be easily and painlessly deleted from history as if you never even existed and all the little children will come back to life. Look! They’re playing by the swings and are all happy! It was just a dream. You’d never consciously do something that bad after all.

It will therefore be nicer around here ‘going forward’. This is because more people read the internet nowadays and we have to be more careful. Blame Stephen Fry.

So that’s how it has to be from now on, thanks to the efforts of a small number of collaborators who were spreading evil propaganda on behalf of the enemy.

ABOUT THE MINOR CHANGES

The site’s now “powered” by WordPress.

It took ages to do. Many combat hours were wasted on this pointless administrative task.

You can now bagsie your own UKR username FOR EVER.

So don’t rush into it. Think it through. You may well want to be called “Tails4Eva” now, but will you still want to be called “Tails4Eva” 15 years from now when you are married and a senior IT technician working for British Telecom?

You probably won’t. We regret being “Commander Zorg” and that’s nothing like as bad as “Tails4Eva”.

Have fun.

Business will, as ever, proceed until one of us dies.

The RSS thing is probably broken again.

Jonny was the only person to apply for the position of Official SEGA Europe Flickr Account Monitor, so he pretty much walked into the job. There wasn’t even an interview to speak of.

He said “Can I do it?” and we said “OK”. It’s like how that weird kid ended up posting stuff on here for a while last year.

JONNY’S FINDINGS #1: A GAME CALLED “LET’S CATCH”

Jonny says that “Let’s Catch allows you to throw balls and catch them”. This sort of thing is why we haven’t yet bothered unpacking any of our games consoles since the last time we moved house.

PERFORMANCE REVIEW:
Jonny’s early enthusiasm for the task is to be recommended. However, we really don’t need to be notified of every single screenshot of a Wii game. Jonny also failed to include a link to the Flickr pages in question, leaving the tired webmaster to manually seek out the material for fact-checking purposes.

A good start, but Jonny needs to work harder to maintain this promising beginning. C+

Codemasters, adrenaline still pumping through its veins from the thrilling photo opportunity with some strippers, has obviously decided that “photos of women” is the “way to go” from now on.

There must’ve been a meeting about it.

“Don’t worry, everyone will get a go at being near the women.”

“Mike? Did you want a go standing near the women?”

“Chris? Have you had a go at being near the women yet?”

“Who else wants to have a go at being near the women?”

“Come on, last chance. They have to go back to their proper boyfriends soon. They’ve been paid money to be here today, so they won’t slag you off or belittle you too much after.”

“Yes, it’s OK to put your arm around them.”

“Just try not to roughly grab their arms. They don’t like that.”

“Last call. Anyone else want to be near a woman and get a free Polaroid of the moment to take away?”

“Paul, don’t be shy. Come and have go at being near them. They won’t bite! Not unless you ask them to!!”

“No, seriously. They won’t bite. It’s fine. Come and have a go.”

“We’ll put the mask over your head so no one can see you blushing.”

Sorry if you are any of these people.

Very sorry.

There will be a light to moderate change to UKR ‘rolling out’ some time this week. It’s nothing to panic about and won’t involve any frightening new colours like last time. Just so you know.

You might want to spend a few minutes thinking up a good user name in preparation, that’s all.

Oh yes, we are so down with the graffiti. Only last week we “tagged” the local bus stop by writing our initials on it in biro. We put the year down as being “1998” so it looks like the writing has been there for longer than it actually has.

We also got as far as scratching a “U” into the back of a train seat, before realising that’s not what granddad fought in the war for.

Neither is any of this.

“Found in an alley beside a pawn shop in Toronto.”

“The Sonic and Robotnik are pretty cool but I think the artist gave up near the end of the alley because I have no idea who the purple bird thing is.”

“Sorry about poor quality. I used my crappy cell phone camera. I was going to go back with my camera but it was an alley beside a pawnshop so I thought that would’ve been a bit much” – JC.

No idea. Probably one of the new ones out of whatever that DS RPG was called in the end.